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Frequent Social Butterfly

Re: Mom refuses to leave the house

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Message 1 of 23

mimi0000 wrote:

I hope you do Jane.  Life is about doing what you can and adapting.  My only worry is living too long... right now I can manage.  Good luck to you.


I once knew an amazing woman from my church; her name was Mrs. Walker. She'd been born to missionaries in china in, like, 1905 or something, and lived in DC. She would walk to our church, an Episcopal one, and it was about 2 miles long. She was tiny and bent over, and her name was apt: she walked and walked. She was over 100 years old when she finally passed. She would say, I've lived too long... Osteoporosis was a source of pain. i think she was relieved toward the end.

 

Have you got a living will, or a Five Wishes or something? You've probably taken care of all of that. But you are less likely to be 'kept alive' past your wishes if you don't make your wishes known. Just wondering. No need to invite the grim reaper over too soon. But on the other hand, no point in being tormented with tubes either. 

  

You're amazing. Do you live in Oregon? If so, I'd love to come visit.

Take care,

Jane

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Recognized Social Butterfly

Re: Mom refuses to leave the house

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Message 2 of 23

I hope you do Jane.  Life is about doing what you can and adapting.  My only worry is living too long... right now I can manage.  Good luck to you.

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Frequent Social Butterfly

Re: Mom refuses to leave the house

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Message 3 of 23

mimi0000 wrote:

To Nancy and others

I am 87 years old and I do not like to leave the house, I think I have earned the right not to. Nancy, like your Mother, I live with my daughter. At first your post rubbed me the wrong way and then I realized the real issue…. Is that you are scared  that she is getting old. That’s understandable but don’t make her
feel bad for getting old.

My mind is appropriate for my age. I don’t need or want to socialize. I did enough of that for years.

May I share the following things that help me: I have a computer and had a tutor come to get me started. I enjoy Facebook. It helps me keep in touch. I have an Echo for listening to books and my kind of music — many oldies. I watch movies on Netflix - I have my own room and join family for coffee news each morning. I watch TV programs like The View and CNN, closed captions help with hearing loss and of course large print.

I prepare my shopping list for my daughter to pick up when she shops. Gift giving for a large family is done on Amazon _ free shipping {Smiley Surprised). I bank on line. My Grandmother had none of these conveniences in her old age.

Yes, I sometimes annoy my daughter, as she does me. That’s life. I appreciate people letting me be me and not trying to control me. I would resent being taken to see Therapist. If I were depressed… medication helps that, otherwise what is to be fixed.
I live in pajamas and only have a couple “outside outfits”. My old wardrobe went to the Good Will for someone who needs it.I cut my own hair to avoid going to a hair dresser, I look ok. Nivea is my only “make up”. I wear ortho slippers and have one pair of shoe and boots. I have simplified my life… and loved ones support that.
Wouldn’t you like to be content doing the same? This is moving into old age with grace and contentment. Acceptance is love, I'm old and I’m not pressured to be anything els. 

 

 


Hi Mimi!

I just want to say that you certainly have your life figured out! I am so glad to hear that there is a person like you, making your life work, with help from a loving family and some technology. You really can have a full and rich life right where you are. 

Of course you and your daughter sometimes irritate each other. That's to be expected. The fact that you share a home and each have your privacy as well as common areas, makes the most sense to me. Your daughter is lucky, and you are as well.

 

I hope to have a living arrangement like yours when i've given up the outside world. More power to you.

 

Jane

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Recognized Social Butterfly

Re: Mom refuses to leave the house

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Message 4 of 23

To Nancy and others

I am 87 years old and I do not like to leave the house, I think I have earned the right not to. Nancy, like your Mother, I live with my daughter. At first your post rubbed me the wrong way and then I realized the real issue…. Is that you are scared  that she is getting old. That’s understandable but don’t make her
feel bad for getting old.

My mind is appropriate for my age. I don’t need or want to socialize. I did enough of that for years.

May I share the following things that help me: I have a computer and had a tutor come to get me started. I enjoy Facebook. It helps me keep in touch. I have an Echo for listening to books and my kind of music — many oldies. I watch movies on Netflix - I have my own room and join family for coffee news each morning. I watch TV programs like The View and CNN, closed captions help with hearing loss and of course large print.

I prepare my shopping list for my daughter to pick up when she shops. Gift giving for a large family is done on Amazon _ free shipping {Smiley Surprised). I bank on line. My Grandmother had none of these conveniences in her old age.

Yes, I sometimes annoy my daughter, as she does me. That’s life. I appreciate people letting me be me and not trying to control me. I would resent being taken to see Therapist. If I were depressed… medication helps that, otherwise what is to be fixed.
I live in pajamas and only have a couple “outside outfits”. My old wardrobe went to the Good Will for someone who needs it.I cut my own hair to avoid going to a hair dresser, I look ok. Nivea is my only “make up”. I wear ortho slippers and have one pair of shoe and boots. I have simplified my life… and loved ones support that.
Wouldn’t you like to be content doing the same? This is moving into old age with grace and contentment. Acceptance is love, I'm old and I’m not pressured to be anything els. 

 

 

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Regular Social Butterfly

Re: Mom refuses to leave the house

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Message 5 of 23

kw4418 wrote:
Just an FYI, we got my MIL into an adult daycare in town on a grant provided by the government. You should look into it. She swore she wasn't going and now she can't wait to go. Good luck!

Hey, kw, would you mind sharing how you got that grant? I'm sure there are many others in this caregiver group that would love to follow the same steps you took for your mother in law. Thanks for writing. How encouraging~!

 

jane

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Info Seeker

Re: Mom refuses to leave the house

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Message 6 of 23
Just an FYI, we got my MIL into an adult daycare in town on a grant provided by the government. You should look into it. She swore she wasn't going and now she can't wait to go. Good luck!
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Regular Social Butterfly

Re: Mom refuses to leave house/ SHE DID IT!

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Message 7 of 23

Thank you for the update! Muscles make a HUGE difference. HUGE. And getting out, being stimulated by the outside world and movies and other people is also HUGE.

 

Way to go!!!

 

Jane

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Bronze Conversationalist

Re: Mom refuses to leave the house

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Message 8 of 23
Wow. The PACE program sounds amazing -- soooo unfortunate there is none in my area!
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Info Seeker

Re: Mom refuses to leave the house

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Message 9 of 23

Hi Nancy,

Check to see if you have a PACE program in your State/Area. The State has to qualify a person as needing Nursing home care it might be anoother option for you. I had my Mom in one until she passed in June 2014. We have those days when we just have to take a walk outside, clear our head and come back in and address the situation in a different way. But remember we are dealing with parents and loved ones that have been through a depression,Wars and have been independent.  The Parent has now become the child and it is hard for them to accept help.

Hope this helps a little.

bm6041

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Gold Conversationalist

Re: Mom refuses to leave house/ SHE DID IT!

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Message 10 of 23

always love to hear good/happy updates! Its progress and that is always a good thing

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