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Re: Long Distance Caregiving

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Moved to the appropriate forum. Please click the link to continue

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Re: Long Distance Caregiving

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@Lshar wrote:

My brother does not have dementia and cares very well for his wife! They're just overwhelmed by a large home with no housekeeper.


Hi there, apologies, I the dementia guide is a guide on how to care for someone with a dementia - just in case there is something additional your brother might uncover while caring for his wife. I'm so happy to hear that she is gettng the best care. 

 

I do hope you will find some of the other links useful. Please do keep in touch!

 

 

AARPJen
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Re: Long Distance Caregiving

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My brother does not have dementia and cares very well for his wife! They're just overwhelmed by a large home with no housekeeper.

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Re: Long Distance Caregiving

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@Lshar wrote:

My brother and I cared for Mom long-distance by visits and calls with her CCRC staff and her before she passed several years ago.

Now my brother is caring for his wife, who has dementia and Diabetes I, requiring alot of attention. I recently visited, bringing a folder filled with helpful links to assistance in their community, but they prefer to manage on their own. To complicate this, they have become severe hoarders, which is causing a bad environment (dust, zillions of papers, things to trip over, used needles, etc.). I joined a discussion with their hospital visiting nurse, who agreed they need an organization to assist them, but they still resist!  They have been visited twice by the local health dept. and warned that they may face "unwanted repercussions" if the hoarding isn't addressed. To solve that dilemma, they loaded alot of stuff in boxes which they moved into their basement.  What else can I do to help them?


Hi Lshar. Thank you for reaching out to us. Jane gave you some really wonderful advice. I'd also just like to point you to our Dementia Care Guide, which you can download for free HERE

 

You may consider printing this out and giving it to your brother as a starting point. 

 

I also found these really helpful links on hoarding that you might want to check out. They include many helpful tips and links:

 

Compulsive Hoarder or Pack Rat? 

 

Understanding Hoarding Disorder

 

Tips for Moving a Hoarder

 

De-cluttering tips

 

I hope you find this information helpful. Please do come back and let us know how it is going. 

 

 

AARPJen
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@Lshar wrote:

My brother and I cared for Mom long-distance by visits and calls with her CCRC staff and her before she passed several years ago.

Now my brother is caring for his wife, who has dementia and Diabetes I, requiring alot of attention. I recently visited, bringing a folder filled with helpful links to assistance in their community, but they prefer to manage on their own. To complicate this, they have become severe hoarders, which is causing a bad environment (dust, zillions of papers, things to trip over, used needles, etc.). I joined a discussion with their hospital visiting nurse, who agreed they need an organization to assist them, but they still resist!  They have been visited twice by the local health dept. and warned that they may face "unwanted repercussions" if the hoarding isn't addressed. To solve that dilemma, they loaded alot of stuff in boxes which they moved into their basement.  What else can I do to help them?


Hi there,

Wow. 

Well, what i would do is consult with the local Adult Protective Services at your brother's town or county. We here in America do so dearly prize independence, and people, even people who have dementia and are caring for someone with dementia, has the right to make dumb decisions. And to have a disease called Hoarding Disorder, which falls under the category of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. (I found these two articles that are helpful:  https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/home-care/info-2018/moving-hoarder.html and https://www.psychiatryadvisor.com/obsessive-compulsive-and-related-disorders/hoarding-disorder-objec... Anyway, part of the disorder and many others is the failure to recognize the hoarding as a problem. 

 

So. Is he taking good care of her? If not, either because of the hoarding disorder or some other reason, then he is neglecting her, and APS has grounds to get involved. If he is taking good care of her, then i doubt if threats from the health department is going to budge them, although the visits raise their anxiety sky high. Maybe the APS has a special hoarding team. There used to be a hoarding intervention team in Maryland where i worked as a geriatric care manager, and then as a hospice social worker. 

 

You have a relationship with your brother. The thing about hoarding disorder is that it's very hard to treat. When you visit, can you reach out as sister/friend/helper, and not judge? Talk to him in that spirit? If so, what happens then? What does he say?

 

Please say more. thank you for your post. 

Jane

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Long Distance Caregiving

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My brother and I cared for Mom long-distance by visits and calls with her CCRC staff and her before she passed several years ago.

Now my brother is caring for his wife, who has dementia and Diabetes I, requiring alot of attention. I recently visited, bringing a folder filled with helpful links to assistance in their community, but they prefer to manage on their own. To complicate this, they have become severe hoarders, which is causing a bad environment (dust, zillions of papers, things to trip over, used needles, etc.). I joined a discussion with their hospital visiting nurse, who agreed they need an organization to assist them, but they still resist!  They have been visited twice by the local health dept. and warned that they may face "unwanted repercussions" if the hoarding isn't addressed. To solve that dilemma, they loaded alot of stuff in boxes which they moved into their basement.  What else can I do to help them?

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