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Info Seeker
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎09-14-2013

Re: I am a caregiver and I feel like I'm drowning.

Message 1 of 6 (232 Views)

I understand your feeling completely, I'm taking care if my husband with early onset-dementia.  I work 2 part time jobs plus have to take care of him and our home.  We have only been married 8 years, and both of his siblings passed away in the past few years.  I have children, but he has no family to help.  My daughter tries to help but she has a full time job, and 2 sons and a third on the way.  I understand the stress you are going through, if i had someone watch my husband and he was returned unwashed and not fed, I would stop sending him there, I really believe that is what these people want.  Please look for help, stand up for yourself to your family don't let them make you doubt your feelings and needs, you are right.

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Frequent Social Butterfly
Posts: 248
Registered: ‎05-04-2011

Re: I am a caregiver and I feel like I'm drowning.

Message 2 of 6 (807 Views)

brendaw395134 wrote:

I know how you feel cause I am also taking care of my mom and I go to work and come home and take care of her, my sister is going to be going over seas and she doesn't want anything to do with mom anyway, it has been a real struggle to keep everything going and think that the world is right but it isn't for me my husband left me and my daughter came to live with me and my grandson is here and he is going to be 2...so my house is full but I don't have any alone time and I so desperatly need it...I dont have any friends to talk to cause they are not going through what I am going through,,,but I know what you are going through so I need support just like you...maybe we can talk and help each other


Hi Brenda! Glad you wrote and chimed in. Question for you: how does your sister get to do nothing? She doesn't have to wipe her behind, i guess, but, she does have to help, and if she is overseas, the best way to help is financially. You are the multi-layered sandwich generation for sure: four generations under your roof. Perhaps you'd like to hire a cleaning service, once or twice a month, so that all of you enjoy a clean kitchen and bathroom!  Your sister can pay for that. 

 

Whaddya think of that idea?

Please write back! And thank you for being part of this community!

 

Jane

Info Seeker
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎09-17-2017

Re: I am a caregiver and I feel like I'm drowning.

Message 3 of 6 (995 Views)

I know how you feel cause I am also taking care of my mom and I go to work and come home and take care of her, my sister is going to be going over seas and she doesn't want anything to do with mom anyway, it has been a real struggle to keep everything going and think that the world is right but it isn't for me my husband left me and my daughter came to live with me and my grandson is here and he is going to be 2...so my house is full but I don't have any alone time and I so desperatly need it...I dont have any friends to talk to cause they are not going through what I am going through,,,but I know what you are going through so I need support just like you...maybe we can talk and help each other

Conversationalist
Posts: 5
Registered: ‎07-14-2017

Re: I am a caregiver and I feel like I'm drowning.

Message 4 of 6 (1,055 Views)

My heart goes out to you.  Please know that there are those of us in this community that are here to at least lend an ear and to care.  You won't be left alone and adrift amongst this amazing group.

 

I agree with the person that wrote the previous reply.  I would call your local government agency on the aging and ask what services are available in your area.  Many of these are free of charge to those who cannot afford to pay.  For instance, there may be respite care, where someone comes in for a couple of hours each day or week that would free you up to even just take a walk and be with yourself for a little while.  The community may have a senior day care that you could utilize that would allow you to go out into the workforce each or start and run a business from home.

 

Now for something that sounds crazy but believe me it works:  take a few minutes each day to go on youtube and find a video that really makes you laugh out loud.  You would be amazed at how that few minutes of laughter will change your day and your outlook on life.

 

Before I go, I just want to tell you that I think that you are great.  You are doing so much for your family members that need you, you are an inspiration.

 

Reach out to me or any of the other people who respond here, we'll be here for you to lean on.

Frequent Social Butterfly
Posts: 248
Registered: ‎05-04-2011

Re: I am a caregiver and I feel like I'm drowning.

Message 5 of 6 (1,118 Views)

kallyw777336 wrote:

I have been taking care of my mother with my brother ever since I been 19. I feel like I'm drowning and I feel numb. I constantly feel tired, anxiety, and depress. I am currently on anti-depressants, they help a little. When I explode I am attack so I can't talk to anyone. I gave up my career and don't talk to my friends. I told my mother I did not want my niece and nephew here with this because money was tight. None of any of my sisters help. One has disappered the other only comes by when she needs something or to watch her kids. I can't seem to please my brother at all he is angry all the time. When I get angry or show emotion I am view as being diffuclut. When I tried to leave my mother with her mother or my father they mistreat her. Then I have to pick up the pieces. I have two older sisters and one of them is a nurse who steals my mother's meds. The other is married and has a better job then my brother and I. My sisters are in their early 40s. I have to be strong because no one else can't be, my uncles help but their schedules are busy. This is a cry I don't know what to do and I want to have a career and business but when it comes to taking care of my mother people act like it is too much or they mess up her insurance. I have given so much and my brother is depress and usually taking about self harming himself. I have very little time to myself and when I try to look for work or go on job interviews no one cleans up or feeds her. I just need help or any place to start. I have a degree I want a career I want to be happy, I just need HELP, PLEASE HELP ME. I just want to leave and start over but have to make sure my mother is taken care of.


Hi KallyW.

This is so terrible, what you're going through. Your entire family needs to come together, but obviously your sisters and brother and uncles are not helping. And some are actively making things work (stealing meds!?!) 

Of course you want a life and a career for yourself. What is your brother belly aching about? No wonder you and he are depressed. What does your mother need?

Since you are in a bit of a crisis, at least emotionally (and i apologize for not seeing this until today), I wonder if there is anyone that at least your brother and uncle would listen to, like say, a pastor. You could ask for pastoral help, and gather them, at home would be convenient, and just say, we all need to work together for the good of mother and for the family as a whole: how can we make this work?  Ideally, I would gather a family meeting: everyone in the same room. The question being: How are we going to make this work for everyone? Some of you have more skills, some have more money, some have more time... can we set up a schedule, take turns?

When others take care of your mother, she comes back dirty and malnourished???  Goodness gracious.

 

How have you tried to get help in the past? 

What do you want to do for a career?

 

There are steps you can take, like inviting a social worker who specializes in senior citizens to come by the house and give advice and suggestions... but i worry that you are on 'OVERWHELM' and it's hard to take any steps besides whirling in a desperate circle.

 

What do you think would be the first next step that would help? Maybe talk frankly with your brother?

 

Please write back and talk some more. I hope others in this community will speak up. i'll read every day. (I was out of town. No excuse)

 

Thanks for writing!

Jane

Info Seeker
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎09-08-2017

I am a caregiver and I feel like I'm drowning.

Message 6 of 6 (1,289 Views)

I have been taking care of my mother with my brother ever since I been 19. I feel like I'm drowning and I feel numb. I constantly feel tired, anxiety, and depress. I am currently on anti-depressants, they help a little. When I explode I am attack so I can't talk to anyone. I gave up my career and don't talk to my friends. I told my mother I did not want my niece and nephew here with this because money was tight. None of any of my sisters help. One has disappered the other only comes by when she needs something or to watch her kids. I can't seem to please my brother at all he is angry all the time. When I get angry or show emotion I am view as being diffuclut. When I tried to leave my mother with her mother or my father they mistreat her. Then I have to pick up the pieces. I have two older sisters and one of them is a nurse who steals my mother's meds. The other is married and has a better job then my brother and I. My sisters are in their early 40s. I have to be strong because no one else can't be, my uncles help but their schedules are busy. This is a cry I don't know what to do and I want to have a career and business but when it comes to taking care of my mother people act like it is too much or they mess up her insurance. I have given so much and my brother is depress and usually taking about self harming himself. I have very little time to myself and when I try to look for work or go on job interviews no one cleans up or feeds her. I just need help or any place to start. I have a degree I want a career I want to be happy, I just need HELP, PLEASE HELP ME. I just want to leave and start over but have to make sure my mother is taken care of.