Caring for a loved one? Find a part-time job that fits your schedule. Search the AARP Job Board.

Reply
Treasured Social Butterfly
0
Kudos
28
Views

Re: First time posting

28 Views
Message 1 of 2

@carolinaliving - Welcome to Online Community; I'm sorry for the situation in which you find yourself! I've been a family caregiver multiple times. With dementia:

 

Rule #1 is to not expect the person to behave normally, or the way they did in their prime.

Rule #2 is to not project (or allow others to) negative/abnormal behavior as the person being deliberately uncooperative, unappreciative, or "bad" (like a child), if they weren't like that before they developed dementia.

Rule #3 is that if the person has better times of day than others, for rational communication, make sure that's when you talk to them about things you'd like them to do differently "to help you". If the person has reached a stage of not being able to process communications rationally, then you have to adjust your approach about changing their behavior .. if that's even possible. It's NOT like being firm with a child; you can't "demand" or "put your foot down", because they just aren't able to process that.

 

My aunt lived with me the last 2-1/2 years of her life, until she broke a hip, and needed to be in a nursing home. Towards the end at home when she was 90+, she had short periods of not being quite rational. For example, once she woke up in the middle of the night, and began bathing & getting dressed for the day .. insisting that it WAS daytime, and that there was a conspiracy to make it look dark outside, to keep her in bed! She got very angry with me about it. The next morning - when she was at her best - I asked if she remembered what had happened overnight. She remembered, but couldn't imagine why she'd thought it was daytime, or why she was so angry about going back to bed .. and VERY apologetic. How can you be angry at someone who realizes they're losing control over their own mind, and doesn't know how to "fix it"?! Something to remember when you're really frustrated!


Registered on Online Community since 2007!
Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
28
Views
Highlighted
Conversationalist
0
Kudos
63
Views
1
Replies

First time posting

63 Views
Message 2 of 2

Hi I am new to the forum and am looking after both parents with dementia. I am not married and currently dealing with multiple health problems, and doctor says that some are directly due to extreme stress. I am dealing with one parent who sees things and has gotten to where most conversation  really does not make much sense. The other parent is better off physically and mentally, but cannot remember and is addicted to a substance. They have been looked after extremely well, and I cook, clean, do errands, shopping, yard work etc. In other words I am exhausted most of the time!

The current problem is with the parent who has the milder dementia. I have few rules here, but one rule is that I do not want spitting in the kitchen sink. It is gross and nasty and very unsanitary. I have provided a cup for my parent to spit in, but they refuse to use it. In other words, they are walking over to the sink rather than use the cup right beside their chair. I am currently dealing with a cold and have no desire to catch germs from this disgusting habit. Other people in my family have said that my parents do not seem to appreciate how lucky they are to be living in a beautiful home with all their needs cared for. I feel that I have the right to put my foot down about a few things that would cause me unnecessary work - would like to know how I can deal with this. I feel that I am not getting any respect at all. Thanks

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
63
Views
1
Replies