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Re: Financial Help

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Message 11 of 27

@c274851r wrote:

I'm the spouse & caregiver to my disabled husband. He's 59 & gets disability from SSI. He has medicare not medicaid. He was diagnosed with MS in 1994. We've done good, I've worked full time until last year. His body use is deteriorating. He can not walk without assistance walker or wheelchair. He can't be alone but maybe an hour or two. Trying to keep up with his personal care, cleaning, & meals, etc. Just alot & we cannot afford not having my income. He perfers me taking care of him. I'm trying to find in SC, some financial assistance but haven't found anything. I'm 60. We've borrowed all we can from life insurance, I've had to use all of what I saved in 401k & IRA. I'm lost as to what I do now. Any suggestions?


Hi there. It sounds like you love your husband very much, AND ALL the burden is on you. Here are some ideas.

 

Your area may have services he's eligible for. Of course he prefers you. He'll have to get acquainted with a few more caregivers if he is to honor his promise to help YOU. And maybe there are free or subsidized service for disabled in your area. He is younger than 60, when elder care services tend to start, but there should be services all the same. I've found the easiest way is to type in your zip code into www.eldercare.gov, and call the agency that pops up. Ask if they can assist your husband given his age, and if not, is there an ADRC or other agency that will. Then ask what they have, especially respite care, which is help that gives you a break.

 

Do you own your home? Do you have savings? Do you have an accountant, financial planner, or attorney? It's time to 'bite the proverbial bullet' and do some long term planning which allows for the best possible care for him while at the same time preserving your financial health for your own future. Although lawyers are not inexpensive, you will benefit from bringing all your financial information to one in order to discuss what assets can be preserved (like your house if you own it, and your car) and what he can realistically benefit from eventually, like long term care medicaid.  this is hard stuff, tedious, and really complicated, based on state and federal laws. But it really needs to be done, so that you both know what you're facing.

 

It would also be really good if you both could enlarge the caregiving circle. Do you have children? Does he have siblings? Cousins? Friends? Former coworkers? Some folks who can visit, give you a break?  Social isolation for you and him is a natural development of your situation, but it doesn't have to be. You both need social support. 

 

What do you think about all this?  Please write back. And thank you for sharing your situation

 

Jane

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Re: Financial Help

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Message 12 of 27

I'm the spouse & caregiver to my disabled husband. He's 59 & gets disability from SSI. He has medicare not medicaid. He was diagnosed with MS in 1994. We've done good, I've worked full time until last year. His body use is deteriorating. He can not walk without assistance walker or wheelchair. He can't be alone but maybe an hour or two. Trying to keep up with his personal care, cleaning, & meals, etc. Just alot & we cannot afford not having my income. He perfers me taking care of him. I'm trying to find in SC, some financial assistance but haven't found anything. I'm 60. We've borrowed all we can from life insurance, I've had to use all of what I saved in 401k & IRA. I'm lost as to what I do now. Any suggestions?

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Re: Financial Help

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Message 13 of 27

@brianm715472wrote:

What to do to get paid to be a caretaker for a friend ?


BrianM715472:

HERE is a hepful article that might give you insight into exploring options for this. 

AARPJen
Caregiving Concierge
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Re: Financial Help

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Message 14 of 27

If their spouse is a veteran, you can apply for spousal benefits. I went through Senior Veterans Council and they helped me for free.  If you want them to file for you, it costs $1,300 but it is so much easier and they step-by-step guide you and check that the paperwork they send is very accurate. Also way faster than if you do the filing yourself. Do it asap and when approved, they pay you retroactively in a lump sum WHILE still receiving the monthly payment of approx. $1300.00.

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Re: assisted living

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Message 15 of 27

@RoseC611089 wrote:

without savings how can we get into assisted living? We get ss, some pension, 

 


Hi Rose! I'm sorry i missed your question! Some counties and states have subsidized buildings for elders, with food and cleaning provided. There is a lovely place in DC for example which takes only 1/3 of your income and provides all kinds of services. One client (of a geriatric care manager i worked with) made only 600 income in SS, and so paid 200. what a deal. And in a very nice area of DC (tenley circle, very posh now.)  Go meet with a social worker at your agency for aging services, found by putting your zip code in eldercare.gov and come back to tell us what you learned! 

 

'cause we are all learning all the time.

 

jane

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assisted living

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Message 16 of 27

without savings how can we get into assisted living? We get ss, some pension, 

 

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Re: Financial Help

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Message 17 of 27

@brianm715472 wrote:

What to do to get paid to be a caretaker for a friend ?


Can your friend pay you directly?

If your friend can't afford to do that, is he or she on Medicaid? If so, can he or she get aide services through Medicaid? And, if are you a CNA, certified nursing assistant, or home health aide, you can join the program as an employee and get paid that way.

 

Tell us more?

 

Jane

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Re: Financial Help

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Message 18 of 27

What to do to get paid to be a caretaker for a friend ?

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Re: Financial Help

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Message 19 of 27

@catherines908525 wrote:

I am the primary caregiver of my boyfriends mothwr, ahe is 98, i am 54 I have been working my entire life and had a good career until my late husband became sick and started working part time retail. Mom was living with her daughter until last year, her daughter got burned our, she has two other daughters one retired and one qorking, no one willing to take care of mom.  She is a petite 4 ft 9 100 pounds and sweet as cam be but needs ally of atyention. I quit my job and moved into my boyfriends and became her caregiver. The family pays me, but does not equate to the income I was rwciwving. They will not put it on the books and my concern is that I have no income I can report and leaves me in a position that I can not apply for a loan , get approved for anything that requires proof of incomr. I cannot believe how selfish they are, my future is at risk because I am not paying into my own S.S., they ate saving thousands of dollars. There is a need to have more laws in place to protect caregivers. I love this woman and will not leave her to go into a nursing hone. Caregiver  going broke.


Hi Catherine,

You are in a pickle, which you agreed to get into, and now you are attached to your boyfriend's mother. There are several steps you can take, but you'll need to be willing to take them. 

 

Is this boyfriend going to marry you? I ask because you'll have some protections from him if you marry, if he owns his house, has any assets that he can share with you to help (somewhat, it depends) with your own future. That's one thing. And, how does he feel about how 'the family' is treating you? Does he have a say? or does he have a bossy older sister who 's in charge?

 

This woman is lucky to have you. She also has family members involved in her care. The entire family would benefit from talking to an eldercare lawyer to see how to do at least 2 things: 

1. take the best possible care of Mrs. 98 years old and

2. take the best care of you, as a worker and caregiver.

 

It sounds like 'the family' is willing to take advantage of you without any qualms. The feedback from GailL is good, and also pretty adversarial. Do you want to try a mediator first? 

 

This is indeed a mess. You'll have to see how much your boyfriend backs you up, and how much noise you are willing to make regarding how you are paid. The family may be breaking the law. But the best path may be to have everyone sit down and talk reasonably and calmly. You can't go on like this, and they need you. Is there a way to do this in a family  meeting? If your boyfriend will back you up....

 

Tell us more?

Thanks for writing! I know many caregivers get into these situations!

 

Jane

 

 

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Re: Financial Help

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Message 20 of 27

@catherines908525 wrote:

I am the primary caregiver of my boyfriends mothwr, ahe is 98, i am 54 I have been working my entire life and had a good career until my late husband became sick and started working part time retail. Mom was living with her daughter until last year, her daughter got burned our, she has two other daughters one retired and one qorking, no one willing to take care of mom.  She is a petite 4 ft 9 100 pounds and sweet as cam be but needs ally of atyention. I quit my job and moved into my boyfriends and became her caregiver. The family pays me, but does not equate to the income I was rwciwving. They will not put it on the books and my concern is that I have no income I can report and leaves me in a position that I can not apply for a loan , get approved for anything that requires proof of incomr. I cannot believe how selfish they are, my future is at risk because I am not paying into my own S.S., they ate saving thousands of dollars. There is a need to have more laws in place to protect caregivers. I love this woman and will not leave her to go into a nursing hone. Caregiver  going broke.


Seems YOU have put yourself in this situation by accepting this responsibility.

What would her family have done if you did not take on this responsibility?

 

You could always tell them that they are paying you in an illegal manner and report them to the IRS.  

 

You can can also tell them that you have to find a livable wage and thus they will have to make other plans.

 

You have tons of laws, rules and regulations on your side but YOU have to decide to use them just like anybody else who works for someone else.  Contact your state's dept. of labor and file a grievance against them.

 

They are using you and you are letting them do it - don't try to put this on society when you have ways to solve the problem but you have to take action to correct your own life.


* * * * It's Always Something . . . Roseanne Roseannadanna
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