@l405735s wrote:
I have been a care giver for my mom since 2003 when my father passed away, she is 89. We have a great relationship, and have worked out any kinks that there are between us. I am married, have two teenage daughters, 17 and 18, and several animal buddies. Recently my mother-in-law has moved in with us, she is infirm and was in a wheel chair, however is not any more. I guess I am just horribly depressed. I am a teacher and most the time am with young people, now with school out, I am taking over the caregiver responsiblities for both Moms. I have 3 siblings and my husband has two, but they are not willing to take a Mom, so we are the ones which is okay, however, I feel overwhelmed. Recently, my Mom has been tippy and has fallen, once in the house, and once in the yard, the falls were about 3 weeks apart. She broke her wrist in each fall, so now she has two casts and cannot do anything for herself. I don't have a problem helping her, but she is so independent, and a horrible invalid...I just feel really alone.
Hey, it's not okay.
I disagree: you said, "I have 3 siblings and my husband has two, but they are not willing to take a Mom, so we are the ones which is okay, however, I feel overwhelmed." It's not okay if you are overwhelmed. Seriously not okay. Yes of course you feel overwhelmed. Good Lord.
Time for a family meeting. You are a capable caregiver, given the wonderful care you take of your own mother, and so the extended family nominates you to take care of your mother in law? I call **bleep**
1. Time to figure out why your mom is falling. Too many medications? Dizziness? Does she need to start using a walker? (When her wrists allow her to grab one?) This falling business needs to be addressed. (Great, one more thing on your to do list. But, seriously.)
2. All the siblings need to help out. Let's see, that's 5 siblings altogether. Everyone take a day. Take care of one or other mother for one day a week. Can't do that for whatever reason? Then cough up some money and hire an aide, no not you, the sibling who can't take a day. I'm serious. They do not get to sit on the sidelines and tsk tsk. They need to jump in.
3. It IS summer. Perhaps MIL (mom in law) can spend a week with the other siblings. Rotate. She'll enjoy visiting with her 3 children.
NOTHING is off the table to discuss. ALL OPTIONS should be considered. Of course you are overwhelmed and depressed. If i were you i'd also be angry. Your home is not a dumping ground
And having raised two kids into their early 20s, i know they need you, too. Now is the time to cherish them while they explore their goals, their hopes for a future, their sexuality, their life skills, before you lose them to the great wide world. They need their mommy right now.
I'm angry enough for both of us.
So write us back. Tell me i'm overreacting. I feel the injustice of your situation. You are a kind and generous person. Those qualities do not equal DOORMAT.
Please write more.
Jane