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Dementia and my Husband


Recently my husband of 49 years was told he had early dementia.  This was such a shock for all of us but over the last 3 years we new something was wrong but NO one in the medical field would really listen to us.  He will be 69 this year and in today's world that is still young.  We have 3 son's and they have been supportive to me and their Dad to help me.  My sister has been wonderful and so has my sister-in-law,however, everyone works.  I hate for them to have to take off work to help give me a break but they have been most welling.  I am in the process of looking at sitter's to help me also.

My husband is a retired Air Force CMsgt after 31 years of service.  He lived through the Vietnam War and retired with honors.  I checked into several places that provided dementia care but everyone was 25-30 years older and more women than men.  He is alert and smart--the dementia has hurt his short term memory.  He was started on some of the newer dementia medication but I don't think it's the right fit for him.  He is scheduled for a total workup by a specialist in two weeks.  


1.  pacing back and forth

2.  difficult going and staying to sleep

3.  has no taste for food 

4.  can't get him to drink much fluids

5.  he has lost about 65 pounds but Dr's don't seem to care

6.  a little aggressive towards me verbally

7.  difficult to get out of the house

8.  loves current events, golf, NASCAR racing, running/can no longer run, and reading but needs new glasses to see.

Finding peace, sleep, and the knowledge knowing you are doing to best you can for him is difficult.  I do pray faithfuly and ask for peace, strength, guidance, and people to help and doors to open by the Heavenly Father.

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My Mother is in final stage of Dimentia, there are seems to be four stages, hers started about 6 years ago, (age-79) with slight memeory loss, then progressed gradually. We found a nursing facility that has a lock down unit just for Dimentia patients, so they can live as freely and comfortably, as-possible-with each stage that comes to be. It has been a God-send, so that she can be taken care of by  a knowledgable staff who knows how to handle each stage of this disease. My siblings and I found it easier to handle it all, by reading as-much material as possible and go to classes, so we would be able to accept the changes and know what to look for, and how to handle with as-much grace as possible. It can be overwhelming at first, but allow yourself time for acceptance

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My husband has dementia also plus he's blind, has heart and kidney disease.  I've been his caregiver for 2 1/2 years.  He's declined rapidly in the last year.  I'm going to call our local senior center to see if I can get someone to come to our house and take care of him one day a week.  I dress him, help him with showering, feed him, take care of his meds and all his doctor appointments.  When he wants something and I don't get it immediately he complains that I don't do anything for him.  I need coping skills to keep me going.  I'm so tired and burned out.

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Regular Social Butterfly

Bless you and him and your family. And thank you for your service to this country during what was not a very united time for us.


I don't have any experience with what you are going through but I would suggest reach out to community resources (perhaps start with contacting your local AARP office?).


And look at part-time help who specializes in dementia impacted care (eldercare, etc.) so you can have regularly scheduled time on your own to pursue what you need/want.


Good luck to you both and your family.


Phil Harris, actor and showman, to John Fogerty of CCR: “If I’d known I’d live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.”
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