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Dealing with greedy adult children

Hi everyone. My husband and I are the primary caregivers for his aunt who had been newly diagnosed with dementia. Her daughter lives in another state and is only interested in the money her mother has left her in the will. She wants to have her mom put into a home dispite her moms desire to remain at home. I am a state certified medical assistant with experience in geriatric care. So I'm more then qualified to care for her

 Unfortunately the daughter is causing us all sorts of grief. I'm at my wits end. Anyone else having this problem?

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@alisas483207wrote:

Hi everyone. My husband and I are the primary caregivers for his aunt who had been newly diagnosed with dementia. Her daughter lives in another state and is only interested in the money her mother has left her in the will. She wants to have her mom put into a home dispite her moms desire to remain at home. I am a state certified medical assistant with experience in geriatric care. So I'm more then qualified to care for her

 Unfortunately the daughter is causing us all sorts of grief. I'm at my wits end. Anyone else having this problem?


Hi

and sorry for your situation.  I have some questions.

When did you first become her caretakers?  If it was (as indicated here) while she was in a good frame of mind, did you not consider seeking medical power of attorney at that time?  Anytime there are multiple siblings, regardless of where they live and how much they help, if there are assets and decisions that need to be made, there may be friction.  Did you meet with the sister at that time?

 

I am wondering why this issue is just coming up now?

 

 

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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@alisas483207 wrote:

Hi everyone. My husband and I are the primary caregivers for his aunt who had been newly diagnosed with dementia. Her daughter lives in another state and is only interested in the money her mother has left her in the will. She wants to have her mom put into a home dispite her moms desire to remain at home. I am a state certified medical assistant with experience in geriatric care. So I'm more then qualified to care for her

 Unfortunately the daughter is causing us all sorts of grief. I'm at my wits end. Anyone else having this problem?


Amy has hit the nail on the head, Alisa. I'm afraid that all of you need to come to some agreements, and then an attorney needs to be consulted. Perhaps your husband's aunt has a home that is worth a great deal and the daughter wants to cash out. But who knows how long your aunt may live. And if you care for her, you are going to want to have a say in how much you are paid and to be careful about the sacrifices you and your husband make on her behalf. "The goodness of your heart" can not be cashed in, however noble the sentiment. That said, your aunt-in-law is very lucky to have your willing and capable self in her life. I would just be very careful. Her daughter may have power of attorney, etc, and if all that is in place, you are at her mercy. If it isn't, then there might be a case that she isn't acting in her mother's best interest. But that is hard to prove.

 

Eldercare lawyers can be found at the state bar association or by googling. Please protect yourself as well as your aunt.

 

and if you could, please tell us what happens as you learn your options. We all need to know this stuff and you are soon to become an expert!

 

Jane

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@alisas483207 This sounds so frustrating! Are you offering to care for your aunt in her own home or your home? It sounds like your cousin thinks it will save money to place her mom in a “home” - but has she done the math? Generally it is more expensive to pay for a nursing facility than care at home, unless she is on Medicaid and then she wouldn’t have money to leave for her daughter anyway. Maybe if you lay it out in a dollars and cents mode she would listen? 

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Welcome to AARP, you may find more discussion on this topic if you place it in this forum, 

https://community.aarp.org/t5/Caregiving/bd-p/bf41 .

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