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Re: Caring for loved ones at home?

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Message 1 of 13

There is no way I can explain every detail of our situation in this artical. You nor anyone else has any idea how our day to day is going with my mother-in-law. She can't live alone, she can't see how to read her mail, her precriptions, she can't open the milk container by herself, she can't even see derections on food container and how to cook them she has limitions due to her pace maker and other health problems. I ONLY ask her to do things like dust as a promoter to get her up out of her chair and to move a little, I don't care if she actually dust or not. I don't need ask her help because I want help doing housework, I am perfect happy doing it myself. I care for her every need and enjoy doing so. But she went into depresstion when she learned she was loosing her eye sight and then it changed into anger and now it's made her give up on everything in her life. We ONLY want what is best for her and she loves us and wants us here. She has thought many times that we might leave and has always told us she didn't want us to leave that she wanted us here and needed us. BUT MY POINT is this....our being here has caused her to go into a state of mind "SPOIL ME" rather than "CARE FOR ME. That and only that is what I am seeking answers for, While she sits inactive her heath deterierates. Her son, my husband takes her to all her apointments, because I also have my own mother and father and uncle that I care for and take to apointments. I was in hope of getting advice not criticism.

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Valued Social Butterfly

Re: Caring for loved ones at home?

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Message 2 of 13

@andyz867798

 

Is this a joke ??

 

Why did you move into her home in the 1st place if not for caregiving - that means giving care.

 

If she only had a problem with driving after she LOST SOME OF HER VISION, she could could have just called a taxi.

 

Who takes her to her Dr. Appointments?

 

If I were her - I would ask you to leave and just ask for help from somebody else.

 

Sounds like you are boarders, not caregivers - 

 

 

 

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Re: Caring for loved ones at home?

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Message 3 of 13

Totally Misunderstood.

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AARP Expert

Re: Caring for loved ones at home?

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Message 4 of 13

@KellyH975732 It sounds like you really embraced the opportunity to care for your parents. That's how I've felt about it too. Caregiving for loved ones is so clearly is love in action. When the chips are down, those of us who step up to care for others are living a life of service and love. That's what really matters in my opinion. 

 

Thank you for caring for your parents and for caring for so many others as a nurse - I'm sure you've had a more sensitive approach with other family caregivers since you've been one yourself! 

 

I first posted this about 2 years ago - here's an updated photo of my Daddy taken a few weeks ago Smiley Happy Daddy had just said "Love you, Love you" to me :)Daddy had just said "Love you, Love you" to me Smiley Happy

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Re: Caring for loved ones at home?

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Message 5 of 13
I also cared for both of my parents and was with them when they died. I felt honored that I was able to be there with them during that time. As a nurse, I have seen many without families and it is very heartbreaking. I thanked my parents for giving me the opportunity to show them how much I loved them and for allowing me to care for them during their last few days. When they each passed, I felt a deep satisfaction knowing that I did my best in caring for them, because I love them so much.
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Re: Caring for loved ones at home?

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Message 6 of 13
I to cared for my physically challenged sister who was a year older, for 30 yrs. No one told me that their was available pay while caring for her raising my 2 children and her on my own earning $5.00 an hour. Have no remorse for doing it either with 5 other siblings not offering to help out, 2 did take her to use her for babysitter other for maid. She passed last Jan, 2017. I felt like I lost my child even though she was my sister. Just heads up make sure you have guardianship when they have a mind that cannot say what they want, DHS deemed her own state of mind when actually did not know difference if she had a dollar or ten dollars she just knew she had money. thought she was going to work at facility
within month she told me she wanted family and until they knew she was failing then DHS decided send her home to a nursing facility. Her diabetes was never extreme, caught pneumonia within 60 days hospitalized could not take glucose testing on own, but kept her in facility that was not what she needed.


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Re: Caring for loved ones at home?

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Message 7 of 13

This can be one of the most stressful things you will ever do. It can bring overwhelming feelings of joy as well as feelings of helplessness. "It is common for family caregivers to present feelings of guilt, anger, sadness, tiredness, anxiety and despair, as they often carry out activities without adequate guidance or support; when added to the demands on economic resources, family or personal organization, distress, conflicts and the accumulation of tasks, among others, this can create burden" (Nardi et al). Reach out for help as soon as any of these things happen. There are resources like respite care, asking family to help, adult day care. You need to make sure you take care of you so that you can continue to care for your dad.

 

Nardi, E., Sawada, N., & Santos, J. (2013). The association between the functional incapacity of the older adult and the family caregiver's burden. Revista Latino-americana De Enfermagem, 21(5), 1096-103.

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ps

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Message 8 of 13

great picture, thanks for sharing

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Re: Caring for loved ones at home?

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Message 9 of 13

I too care for my mom who is almost 94 & until about 4 years ago cared for dad as well. 

 

Although it's the hardest job in the world it is also the most rewarding job in the world.  

 

The way way I look at it is they gave to me all my life & I think it's fair to say I was no joy all the time but they never gave up or tried to send me away & I feel honored to give them back just a little of what they gave me. 

 

I would like to thank all those HARD WORKING FAMILY CAREGIVERS who give so much of themselves every day & give so much unconditionally!!!

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Regular Social Butterfly

Re: Caring for loved ones at home?

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Message 10 of 13

thank you, Amy. There is a lot to be said for doing your own reference checks, and hiring folks directly.  I'm glad you have a stable situation at the moment.

 

The VA business is really hard, or so I've found. The Aid and Attendance paperwork is onerous. I worked with an ALS vet once, and found out that ALS is considered a combat injury. He got an aide for 2 hours 3 days a week, which wasn't much, but it helped some. He was on hospice with my team, and also followed by the VA. Complicated schedule. His wife worked very hard just keeping the schedule organized.

 

You've been in the trenches of caregiving for a long time. Your expertise is hard earned and so helpful.

 

Jane

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