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Re: Caring for loved ones at home?

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Message 1 of 16

@YolandaE903594

@CatherineG621442

 

If you both are responding to the post made by @andyz867798 - to which I responded to - Please understand that @andyz867798 deleted the post which made it sound like a boarder situation rather than a caregiving situation.  Then @andyz867798 reposted, modifying their original thoughts and phrased it as asking rather than telling.

 

Personally, I believe that a caregiver gives care.  They don't decide when a pretty much or totally blind person should do some aspects of housecleaning just because the in-house care person may think it would make them feel better mentally or physically.

 

Caregiving has little to do with "spoiling them" - A caregiver does everything for them which they can which the person cannot do for themselves.  It really isn't the caregivers responsibility to diagnosis or treat whatever they think might be a person's problem - mentally or physically - without consulting a health professional 1st because the person needing care has limitations, perhaps both physical and mental, some of which might need outside professional help.

 

 

 

 

 

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Re: Caring for loved ones at home?

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Message 2 of 16

I can totally understand you asking for no criticism. I find myself really upset about people offering opinions and criticisms but no help. Anyhow all I can is that I vent very often with anyone who listens. I ended up being a "go to " person when it comes to caregiving. God bless you and your family. 

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Message 3 of 16

totally misunderstood

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Re: Caring for loved ones at home?

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Message 4 of 16

There is no way I can explain every detail of our situation in this artical. You nor anyone else has any idea how our day to day is going with my mother-in-law. She can't live alone, she can't see how to read her mail, her precriptions, she can't open the milk container by herself, she can't even see derections on food container and how to cook them she has limitions due to her pace maker and other health problems. I ONLY ask her to do things like dust as a promoter to get her up out of her chair and to move a little, I don't care if she actually dust or not. I don't need ask her help because I want help doing housework, I am perfect happy doing it myself. I care for her every need and enjoy doing so. But she went into depresstion when she learned she was loosing her eye sight and then it changed into anger and now it's made her give up on everything in her life. We ONLY want what is best for her and she loves us and wants us here. She has thought many times that we might leave and has always told us she didn't want us to leave that she wanted us here and needed us. BUT MY POINT is this....our being here has caused her to go into a state of mind "SPOIL ME" rather than "CARE FOR ME. That and only that is what I am seeking answers for, While she sits inactive her heath deterierates. Her son, my husband takes her to all her apointments, because I also have my own mother and father and uncle that I care for and take to apointments. I was in hope of getting advice not criticism.

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Re: Caring for loved ones at home?

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Message 5 of 16

@andyz867798

 

Is this a joke ??

 

Why did you move into her home in the 1st place if not for caregiving - that means giving care.

 

If she only had a problem with driving after she LOST SOME OF HER VISION, she could could have just called a taxi.

 

Who takes her to her Dr. Appointments?

 

If I were her - I would ask you to leave and just ask for help from somebody else.

 

Sounds like you are boarders, not caregivers - 

 

 

 

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Message 6 of 16

Totally Misunderstood.

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Message 7 of 16

@KellyH975732 It sounds like you really embraced the opportunity to care for your parents. That's how I've felt about it too. Caregiving for loved ones is so clearly is love in action. When the chips are down, those of us who step up to care for others are living a life of service and love. That's what really matters in my opinion. 

 

Thank you for caring for your parents and for caring for so many others as a nurse - I'm sure you've had a more sensitive approach with other family caregivers since you've been one yourself! 

 

I first posted this about 2 years ago - here's an updated photo of my Daddy taken a few weeks ago Smiley Happy Daddy and Amy back porch dappled sun - content.jpgDaddy had just said "Love you, Love you" to me Smiley Happy

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Message 8 of 16
I also cared for both of my parents and was with them when they died. I felt honored that I was able to be there with them during that time. As a nurse, I have seen many without families and it is very heartbreaking. I thanked my parents for giving me the opportunity to show them how much I loved them and for allowing me to care for them during their last few days. When they each passed, I felt a deep satisfaction knowing that I did my best in caring for them, because I love them so much.
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Message 9 of 16
I to cared for my physically challenged sister who was a year older, for 30 yrs. No one told me that their was available pay while caring for her raising my 2 children and her on my own earning $5.00 an hour. Have no remorse for doing it either with 5 other siblings not offering to help out, 2 did take her to use her for babysitter other for maid. She passed last Jan, 2017. I felt like I lost my child even though she was my sister. Just heads up make sure you have guardianship when they have a mind that cannot say what they want, DHS deemed her own state of mind when actually did not know difference if she had a dollar or ten dollars she just knew she had money. thought she was going to work at facility
within month she told me she wanted family and until they knew she was failing then DHS decided send her home to a nursing facility. Her diabetes was never extreme, caught pneumonia within 60 days hospitalized could not take glucose testing on own, but kept her in facility that was not what she needed.


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Message 10 of 16

This can be one of the most stressful things you will ever do. It can bring overwhelming feelings of joy as well as feelings of helplessness. "It is common for family caregivers to present feelings of guilt, anger, sadness, tiredness, anxiety and despair, as they often carry out activities without adequate guidance or support; when added to the demands on economic resources, family or personal organization, distress, conflicts and the accumulation of tasks, among others, this can create burden" (Nardi et al). Reach out for help as soon as any of these things happen. There are resources like respite care, asking family to help, adult day care. You need to make sure you take care of you so that you can continue to care for your dad.

 

Nardi, E., Sawada, N., & Santos, J. (2013). The association between the functional incapacity of the older adult and the family caregiver's burden. Revista Latino-americana De Enfermagem, 21(5), 1096-103.

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