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Re: Caring for a parent with dementia

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Message 31 of 46

As we face this decision, it's good to read about others who feel the same way. I can't care for her the way she will need to be cared for and that makes it a little easier. 

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Re: Caring for a parent with dementia

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Message 32 of 46

My sister and I are just now starting to deal with it. It was good to read your post. We get irritated because we feel helpless. I also don't live nearby so when she calls and starts asking where my sister is who lives nearby, I get anxious because I can't do anything. I think you're right about feeling the emotional pain and learning to interact with who she is now instead of who she was.

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Re: Caring for a parent with dementia

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Message 33 of 46

@sp172 wrote:

Hi, my mother is 83 years old and going through the same thing.  She was moved to an independent living apartment in March because she was starting to go out walking to places in the dead of winter to WalMart or McDonalds.  She knew where she was going.  She was lonely and wanted to get to talk to people.  My friends at church found her walking in the middle of the road of a busy avenue, thumbing a ride.  Her short term memory is failing badly, and she thinks people are coming into her apt. and stealing things, like coffee, raisin bread, her Hummels, her sweaters.  She has a constant tape running in her head that people are stealing from her.  It's heart breaking.  We actually got into a heating argument at the grocery store yesterday because I wanted ti buy her 6 rolls of toilet paper. not just one.  she thinks people will come in and steal the other rolls.  Yesterday she went to the Senior center for lunch for her day out and she brought two bags of Hummrls with hrt, a bag of xlothes and a bag with knitting instant coffee and cat food.  I feel so bad for.  I don't know how to soothe her worries.....


Paranoia is a symptom of her dementia and although you can't get rid of it, there are medications that can lessen it's grip on your mother. Seems to me that people who lived through Great Depression are particularly concerned that someone is stealing from them. Have you talked to her doctor about these behaviors? I used to be a geriatric care manager (now i work for home hospice). I've seen patients do better on haloperidol, zyprexa, seroquel. Don't give up on her, and try not to take it personally. This is so hard. She is lucky to have you as a daughter.

 

tell us more?

 

Jane

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Re: Caring for a parent with dementia

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Message 34 of 46

Hi, my mother is 83 years old and going through the same thing.  She was moved to an independent living apartment in March because she was starting to go out walking to places in the dead of winter to WalMart or McDonalds.  She knew where she was going.  She was lonely and wanted to get to talk to people.  My friends at church found her walking in the middle of the road of a busy avenue, thumbing a ride.  Her short term memory is failing badly, and she thinks people are coming into her apt. and stealing things, like coffee, raisin bread, her Hummels, her sweaters.  She has a constant tape running in her head that people are stealing from her.  It's heart breaking.  We actually got into a heating argument at the grocery store yesterday because I wanted ti buy her 6 rolls of toilet paper. not just one.  she thinks people will come in and steal the other rolls.  Yesterday she went to the Senior center for lunch for her day out and she brought two bags of Hummrls with hrt, a bag of xlothes and a bag with knitting instant coffee and cat food.  I feel so bad for.  I don't know how to soothe her worries.....

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Re: Caring for a parent with dementia

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Message 35 of 46

I to care for my Mother who suffers Dementia, she is 75 years old. and the dementia has progressed rather quickly. You are fortunate that your Mom remembers who you are, unfortunately my Mom doesnt' remember me or anyone in our family it is heart breaking.(she says that I am the nice Nurse the Doctor sent to care for her.) I Think my mother had dementia longer than what we thought. she showed signs from 2007, I am heartbroken becauser my mom doesn't remember me, I am greatful for the opportunity to care and love my mom, she loved me unconditionally.Thank you for sharing

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Re: Caring for a parent with dementia

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Message 36 of 46

Hello!  I have read most of your posts concerning loved ones with Dementia.  You have all helped me realize I am not alone.  It breaks my heart to see that my 92 yo Mum is losing her short term memory.  She still has many stories to tell about when she was younger and I love to hear them.  Patience is SO needed because she repeats them over and over again.  It's funny though (of course I do not laugh at her) but when I gently mention that I remember this story, she continues anyway.  Unfortunately, Mum lives 350 miles away and we do not get to see her as often as I would like.  Thank goodness for the telephone.  I will be driving to her assisted living location a few days before Christmas and bring her back to spend the Holidays with us.  We are SO looking forward to her visit.  Of course, she is as well.  Thank you for listening.

 

Bev.

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Re: Caring for a parent with dementia

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Message 37 of 46

I completely agree with your decision to place your mother in a care center. My mother lived in a nursing home for 8 years until she passed away 7 years ago. There was no way that I could care for her with her special medical needs. The problem is that adult children often have their own medical problems, are taking care of an ill spouse or helping adult children. There is no guilt as age is something that happens and is to be expected. 

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Re: Caring for a parent with dementia

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Message 38 of 46
I understand caring for a mother with dementia. I actually had to move from Michigan to Wyoming to care for my mother. After almost two years I took the steps to place in in a care center. She receives wonderful care. They are equipped to have 24 hour care. I would encourage you to consider the move. Yes, I had guilt for awhile. However, I now believe in and support care centers. I think by not placing them in a care center we do them an unjustice. I hope this helped.
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Re: Caring for a parent with dementia

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Message 39 of 46

My Mom is 96 and has moderate dementia, also.  I retired and have been home with her for 6 years.  I appreciate having the chance to share with someone else going through this!  I am an only child;  we have lots of relatives and friends who offer to stay with Mom when I need someone.  However, every time I have asked for someone to come, there's always an excuse.  So, I have stopped asking.  And, I have stopped doing most of the things I love to do --- long walks, golfing, church, travel.  But, she's my Mom and there will be a time in the future when I'll be able to do these things again.  But, she'll be gone, unfortunately.  When I really need to be away, we have a wonderful nearby assisted living that will take her for a day, a week, or whatever.  Mom repeats and repeats.  But, she speaks well at this point, which is lucky for me.

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Re: Caring for a parent with dementia

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Message 40 of 46

Dear nmclane,

 

You've gotten some great advice and stories. I hope this helps you feel less alone. Have you ever read the "36 hour day"? It's a classic book about how one day being with a person with dementia feels like it has 36 hours instead of 24. LOTS and LOTS of tips, and wisdom. You will be able to relate immediately!

 

To find out if you can be paid as her caregiver, go to www.eldercare.gov and put in her zip code. You will be led to a web site and phone numbers of the particular agency in your area that helps people over 60, and their caregivers, get help. It's a free service. Call them, and if you can and have time, ask for either a home visit from a social worker, or go into the office to speak with someone at length. They are experts on "aging in place", dementia care, services like meals on wheels, transportation  help for seniors, adult day care, you name it. Guardianship issues if you need to manage her money and she's no longer legally competent to give you permission.  

 

Some states allow you to be paid as a caregiver. I'm not sure if Michigan is one of them. I believe that she has to be poor enough to receive Medicaid, in addition to Medicare. The Agency on Aging that you find on eldercare.gov will tell you how to apply if she doesn't have it. 

 

Best of luck, and tell us how it's going!

 

Jane

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