@I455JAP wrote:
Thanks for responding. I do have power of attorney - we discussed this last year & he felt it would be for the best. He has always been 'a spoiled little boy) & I do onderstand how hard it is to accept what's happening to him. I live alone ( no famly left & all of my work friends have gone their own ways -he has no family or friends left)). I handle EVERYTHING by myself. Each day I say that I'll start back at the gym (I would go very early, while he is still asleep); but it seems like each tme, he has terrible nigtmares or not feeling well & then I forget about this. He is a wonderful man , I have so much to be thankful for, but he is not a very good patient (gets very angry & confused) I can't locate any caregiving support groups in my area
You are a very generous person, that much is crystal clear. Perhaps this chapter in both your lives have precious lessons imbedded in them: for him, and for all aging people who are coping with multiple physical and psychological losses, and for you, as a retired person, as a caregiver, as a person trying to figure out your own path. His lesson, his opportunity, is to grow up just a little bit more, and try being grateful for what he has, for what remains, for what pleasures there are in his life RIGHT NOW, even with all the indignities. To focus on what is good and right and lucky and blessed. Sounds like a stretch for a spoiled boy living in a decrepit body, but the rewards are great. If he can see them, the potential of them.
For YOU: as you know, because you've written to this community, you are more than his caregiver, you have limits, which is why you are so smart to walk away from his childishness and negativity sometimes, you have a world and an inner life and desires and talents and perhaps a very long bucket list. So, this is an opportunity. What do you want to do now? Who are you now that you are not a working person? Have you always wanted to learn to knit, ride a motorcycle, bake the perfect pie, learn to cross country sky, sing in a choir, grow heirloom tomatoes, go to Alaska on a cruise?? I dunno, I'm brainstorming here. Who are you? Who are you, next? What does your next chapter look like?
Meanwhile, clothing needs washed, bills need paid, your beloved old fart is fussing about something....
So glad you wrote back, please keep writing. This is a conversation. Life is so complicated. And teasing out the different strands of it is way more fun to do with other folks.
thank you so much for your candor and story. I await a post about your dreams and goals and hopes... if you want to share them... and on how you find the discipline and presence of mind to walk aways sometimes.... that is so smart...
all the best
jane