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Re: Are you a male caregiver?

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@Melomaniac wrote:

Update

 Yesterday my wife and I drove from Washington DC to UNC Chapel Hill, NC to talk to an oncologist about a clinical trial there and find out if she was a good candidate for the trial. Our oncologist feels that this trial may offer better resistance because of the genetic make up of her cancer and the tested results of the parp inhibitor drug that's part of the trial. In the end, we feel that it might be best to continue treatment closer to home since there are still some other drug regiments that have been approved that may work better at halting the spread of her pancreatic cancer. It keeps us closer to home and allows us to hold off on this or other possible clinical trials later if we need them. So, CT Scans next week to ensure that it hasn't spread further, then chemotherapy using a different treatment with irinotecan. We're choosing to stay positive and preparing to deal with the expected side effects in hope that this is the answer or at least gets us enough time for researchers to find a cure.

Thanks,

Joe


Hello again Joe,

 

That's about a five hour drive, isn't it? Whatever decision you both make is the right decision. Staying close to home is an excellent quality of life choice. Contributing to the knowledge base of science by participating in a clinical trial is also an excellent choice. You are both so lucky to have each other, and i hope you have each other for a long time to come. 

 

Years ago, we're talking mid-2000s, i worked in a small health education company, and we got a grant to develop a decision making tool for pancreatic cancer patients. This was before most people had internet so it was on a CD-ROM. How quaint. I remember one thing from all the research we did. I learned there is a nerve block that helps with the pain of advance pancreatic cancer. So i offer that to you. If pain starts being an issue for her, as the oncologist to refer her to a pain clinic, neurologist, or anesthesiologist who works with cancer pain, and see about that block. Pain is terrible, and it really can be ameliorated. Also, don't be afraid of opioids. In the hospital i work in now, we are part of a state wide initiative to wean most patients from opioids... most patients except for cancer patients. Long acting opioids are the very best thing for cancer pain, period end of story.

 

I hope both of you have the opportunity to enjoy each other, enjoy the things you've always loved to do, and if they can't be done anymore, like say ocean surfing or skiing, you can watch movies about other people who do it. I wish you would keep writing us all and reading what others write. It helps all of us feel less alone.

 

All the best, Joe the Mellow,

 

Jane

 

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Re: Are you a male caregiver?

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Message 2 of 20

Update

 Yesterday my wife and I drove from Washington DC to UNC Chapel Hill, NC to talk to an oncologist about a clinical trial there and find out if she was a good candidate for the trial. Our oncologist feels that this trial may offer better resistance because of the genetic make up of her cancer and the tested results of the parp inhibitor drug that's part of the trial. In the end, we feel that it might be best to continue treatment closer to home since there are still some other drug regiments that have been approved that may work better at halting the spread of her pancreatic cancer. It keeps us closer to home and allows us to hold off on this or other possible clinical trials later if we need them. So, CT Scans next week to ensure that it hasn't spread further, then chemotherapy using a different treatment with irinotecan. We're choosing to stay positive and preparing to deal with the expected side effects in hope that this is the answer or at least gets us enough time for researchers to find a cure.

Thanks,

Joe

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Re: Are you a male caregiver?

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@JaneCares

Hi Jane,

Thanks for your comments on my post. I had stated to an earlier comment, it's nice to know that we aren't required to be Superman and that we don't hold ourselves to that standard. It's encouraging to know that others are understanding of the difficulties of caregiving and that many others have been have done it and share their experiences here. It helps more than I can say and I wish I'd done this earlier, but at least I'm here now. Thanks again.

 

Joe

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Re: Are you a male caregiver?

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@Melomaniac wrote:

Hi,

 I've been a caregiver for my wife since her diagnosis of pancreatic cancer 4 years ago. Like many of the posts I've read, walking/running/riding are really good stress relievers for me. I like working with my hands, so I get into doing little DIY projects around the house. I also love music, so I spend time playing music and listening to relax. Great question.


Hello Melomaniac. Great handle. Sounds like you really ARE mellow. She's a long term survivor, that wife of yours. Wow. Working with your hands and playing/listening to music are great ways to de-stress since they use different parts of the brain and give you deep satisfaction. My hat's off to you. If i wore a hat.

 

Jane

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Re: Are you a male caregiver? was--wife died 2 month

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Sad for you. Prayers out to you. Try to keep her memory alive in the way you reach others. Focus on doing things that matter, and honoring her. Friends and family will be cornerstone. 

God be with you in this time.

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Re: Are you a male caregiver?

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Hi,

 I've been a caregiver for my wife since her diagnosis of pancreatic cancer 4 years ago. Like many of the posts I've read, walking/running/riding are really good stress relievers for me. I like working with my hands, so I get into doing little DIY projects around the house. I also love music, so I spend time playing music and listening to relax. Great question.

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Re: Are you a male caregiver? was--wife died 2 month

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Message 7 of 20

download mobdro


@JaneCares wrote:

@AlanP183626 wrote:

WIFE DIED TWO MONTHS AGO.- STILL GRIEVING--MARRIED 64 YEARS

 

HAVE NOT BEEN A FAN OF SENIOR CENTERS

HAVE VISITED RECENTLY FOR FIRST  TIME

HAS HELPED ME INTERACT WITH PEOPLE


Two months ago is a very short time ago. Of course you are 'still' grieving. You will grieve for the rest of your life, but hopefully the incredible weight of the grief will lift slowly and steadily. It will take a long time. After the long winter, spring will come again. But you'll always appreciate those 64 years. 

 

Do you have children? A brother or sister? Cousins? Other people you can reach out to? Isolation isn't good, although it's understandable. 

 

So glad you wrote. There is a grief community although it tends to be quiet: aarp.org/griefcommunity.

 

Keep writing us? What do you enjoy doing, even though right now it feels like the enjoyment has all but drained away...

 

Jane


Handling Personal Care with Dignity. Sometimes families feel Mom would be more comfortable with a male caregiver for personal care. Whether a male caregiver or female, a well-trained caregiver ensures all personal care is provided in a safe, comfortable and dignified manner.

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Re: Are you a male caregiver? was--wife died 2 month

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@AlanP183626 wrote:

WIFE DIED TWO MONTHS AGO.- STILL GRIEVING--MARRIED 64 YEARS

 

HAVE NOT BEEN A FAN OF SENIOR CENTERS

HAVE VISITED RECENTLY FOR FIRST  TIME

HAS HELPED ME INTERACT WITH PEOPLE


Two months ago is a very short time ago. Of course you are 'still' grieving. You will grieve for the rest of your life, but hopefully the incredible weight of the grief will lift slowly and steadily. It will take a long time. After the long winter, spring will come again. But you'll always appreciate those 64 years. 

 

Do you have children? A brother or sister? Cousins? Other people you can reach out to? Isolation isn't good, although it's understandable. 

 

So glad you wrote. There is a grief community although it tends to be quiet: aarp.org/griefcommunity.

 

Keep writing us? What do you enjoy doing, even though right now it feels like the enjoyment has all but drained away...

 

Jane

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Re: social life

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Message 9 of 20

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENTS.

I JUST MISS HER SO MUCH

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Re: social life

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Is more important than we think. family is good, but sometimes it’s like canned laughter. they know how to respond. You know what to expect for the most part.

So sorry to read of your wife’s passing, 64 years is a looong stretch. 

social life isn’t a crime and shouldnt be a chore. 

Don’t isolate yourself, then Depression sets in. 

If you only go for a meal, you’re missing the point. 

Share your interest and listen to others. It’s not all about you.

 

TC Daniel
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