Alzheimer's & Abuse/Theft, How can I fight it when it happen abroad?
My mom has Alzheimer's, and she was living abroad when she was diagnosed in 2005/06. The man she was living with claimed that he loved her and did not care, he was "taking care" of her while she was there and then she would come to the states for a couple of months and stayed w/ me and other relatives.As years progressed my mom's family who are toxic, started to tell me that he was abusing her and complaining that we had stuck him w/ her! I would call and asked him what was going on and he would deny it. In 2010, I went to spent my birthday w/ them, and noticed there was tension! I didn't think anything of it until my mom's "girlfriend" asked that I meet w/ them on the last weekend that I was there! He had taking my mom to the restaurant, while I was visiting my dad, and when I got back to the house, he called me to go meet them. When I got there the woman was drunk and belligerent, she started to yelled that she hated hipocrites, and users, and I was sitting next to her friend, so at first I did not realize she was fighting with him because the music was loud and her friend kept talking to me until I asked her to be quiet, and she said, that's China and Winston issue, let her tell him about himself!!!?? Really why would a platonic friend talked to my mom's signifcant other like that? then some of his family members came and did not talk to us, and since I don't know most of them I did not think anything of it, and she said to me look, they don't even talk to him because they make fun of him, that he's living w/ a LOCA!! (Crazy) and I'm looking at him and he's very calm and stoic, she got so loud that the waitress came and said that if she did not quiet down we had to leave! So I took her out to get some air, and she started to cry, and asked me to bring my mom back to the States! She said that he would not let her go because she was the "Hen w/ the golden eggs" He got used to enjoying her social security check!!!!! and that it was true that he beat her up!!! At the time he came out w/ my mom and the friend. We took a cab and they left on their motorcycle. As soon as we got back home, he left the house and did not come back until the morning! I spoke to him and I said listen, I know that you're healthy, and want to have a relationship w/ a healthy woman so I see why you and China got together, he denied it, and claimed that he would never be w/ a prostitute (I guess she was one in her youth), so I went to look for the so called "girlfriend" She has a boutique, and did not opened it Saturday, or Sunday! But I had to speak to her before I left!! I was leaving that Tuesday! so on Monday I got up early@6a and went to look for her again! This time I found her buying her tortillas from the store next to her, and when she saw me, she was defiant! I told her, I need you to tell me what's going on when you're sober, because I've been hearing things from the family but because they're toxic, he would always said they were just jealous, or just lying! So she said told me the story! And asked me to go to the bank to confirm it. I did my mom only had $200.00, not enough for me to bring her w/ me, nor did I had any $$. So I asked him to send her the following month when her $$ came in, that was in September of 2010, and he said he would but every month that passed after that he had an excuse! In the meantime the so called "girlfriend" China, became rude and antaganostic, everytime I would call her to confirm any of the stories I had heard she said, stop calling and come get your mother! His niece gave her a message that if anything happened to him she would let me have it! I would call him and he would deny it all...Until March of 2011, when my aunt called to tell me my mom was in the hospital! She had taken a "fall" and had broken her leg! he claimed that he needed $16,000 dollars for her operation!!! I obviously did not have that money! My sister and my brother said they didn't have it , either nor could they travelled to get her! I did not want to go, because by this time I did NOT like him, but I knew I could not leave my mom there! So I took my teen daugher (at the time) w/ me! He did not expect me so when he saw me he could not look@ me in the face, the house was a mess, I cleaned it up and by the time I was done, the water plant was empty so I went into her sewing room (my mom used to be a seamstress) and took out the luggages, to pack up, just to find the clothes in the luggages werew filled w/ disgusting bugs! so I told him we're going to have to burned these bags and the clothes! China made a bried appearance and left, and never came back during the 4 days that we were there, but for some reason kept track of everything I was doing why??? Any way, I went to the store to buy garbage bags and cleaning products, and when I came back, I noticed that 90% of the clothes were gone! and I said to him Wow! That burnt pretty quickly! And he said, Oh, no I gave it to the guy who takes care of our garbage, he has 5 daughters! I did not mind so I said OK. He left and about 5 minutes later China called (bold huh??) and spoke to my daughter who she knew did not speak Spanish, so my daughter recognized her voice and passed me the phone and I heard her telling my daughter that if the garbage man was there to bring her more clothes!!!!! At this point I knew something was wrong!!! So thank God my dad's family came by that afternoon, and I told them to take whatever they wanted! At this point he lost his cool and told me that I was being disrespectful, because he was the man of the house and I needed to asked him!!!! REALLY? I asked him if he wore dresses? I said this are my mom's clothes! so he left, that evening the niece that had threaten me came by with her daughter to inject my mom?? w/ what I don't know, I thanked her for being the only one that was hones and told her that the same way I was taking my mom the family ties were broken and he needed to leave the house! they looked at each other and they walked out! Later on that evening, my daughter was in the living room and I was in the back room when she came and said mom I think they're cursing you out? I said who? some man that's in grandma's bedroom w/ Winston? So I went into the room and asked what was going on, I heard the man telling him that my mom's kids were a piece of crap! the man gave me such a hateful look and again he walked him out! By this time I was irate so I followed them out and by the time I went outside he was alone so I asked him what was going on? And he just looked at me and said give me your mother's bank account and I said NO! She's leaving and she won't be back so you don't need it! At this time he gave me the dirtiest look and told me that I should be grateful that I was a woman because he felt like breaking my face! I told him to go for it, but to make sure I could not get up because I had already heard he was NO GOOD! But I that I wasn't a saint either! Go for it! He walked away, and did not come until 3a the time we had to leave, he was supposed to get us an ambulance that would take us to the capital so I was nervous because my mom was in a cast and it would have been difficult taking the regular bus that took 5 hours to get to the city! He showed up w/ the ambulance and we left!...My sister called@4a and a woman answered and hung up!...Fast forward to 2016, I hear that both of them are living in my mom's house!!!! I tried to get a lawyer, but because he was a soccer player in his hey day, people know, and he has connections, no one wants to take my case! He has also bad-mouth us (me specially) that I was told not to go because I'm going to get killed??? But I just can't let this go!!! Because not only did he spent my mom's $$, the doctor said that her knee/shin were broken like Rice Krispy Cereal!!!!! He said that it could not be a simple fall! so these people abused/stole from her and now they are taking her house and that's not only her house but it was my grandfather's land!!! This land has been in our family for almost 100 years!!!! WHAT CAN I DO?????
Well, you've got a lot going on. There's caring for your mom, who isn't able to walk right now, and has memory issues. That's HUGE.
Then there's the legal issues of abuse/neglect, elder fraud, theft. Internationally. Also HUGE.
Now that she's in the States (I'm assuming), you have to hook her up to a primary care doctor and at the very least, an orthopedist for her broken bone, to monitor healing, oversee rehabilitation. Does she have Medicare? I hope so. You have the work of setting her up in your home, or in another family member's home, and eventually you need to go back to work, so to figure out how your mom can be safe while you do that.
I'd meet with an attorney who specializes in international law. You can make some calls before you meet with her or him, because calls are free and meetings are not. Write up the issues, list them, then use that when you call. Perhaps the US Embassy can be of help. This problem might be one to take to your congressperson or senator: call the one you voted for and then ask for the constituent services person.
I can feel the anger, hurt, consternation, frustration, and confusion in your story, and I'm so sorry your mother and you have had to go through this. Ack. Truly horrible, and more common than any of us realize.
Tell us what's going on now, how are you doing, what questions do you have about life back home here with her?
All the best to you and take care of yourself through this!
That was a massive wall of text, and admittedly I didn't fully absorb everything that was stated in the OP.
In my humble estimation, without knowing all of the facts stated in the OP, I would just like to say that no matter where in the world you go, the best way to prevent abuse and theft od Alzheimer's or other patients is to thoroughly vet the company which will be caring for your loved one prior to hiring them.
I understand this can be complicated due to language barriers, but with Google Translate and other similar technologies, comminicating should be the least of your worries.
Make sure you're dealing with a reputable company with a good reputation for hiring high-class individuals to perform the care inside the home.
When I hired a home health care company in Metiarie, Louisiana for an ailing relaive a year or so ago, I vetted them thoroughly checking every online review I could find and intervewing every past patient or family member, as well as people who actually worked for the company.
As a result, I've had no issues whatsoever and would trust any member of their staff to be in my home without me being present for as long as they needed to be there.
Granted, they're a small-market company that operates only ina portion of a single state, they nonetheless passed all trustworthiness and integrity tests and I'd recomment them to anyone who resides in my general geographical area.
But the point is, vet the company, vet the employees and make sure you're not hiring a company whose employees would even consider doing anything at all illicit, particularly if that means taking advantage of the patient.