AARP Caregiving Summer Break Contest

[AARPTeri]

Summertime often means taking breaks and planning vacations. Both of these can be a bit tricky while caring for a loved one.  Have you traveled with your loved one recently or are you planning to?  

Share your experience here and you will be entered in our Caregiving Summer Contest 2018 and could win one of the weekly $100 gift cards or a chance for the overall winning prize of $500 gift card. Your story may be advice or inspirational!

Review rules here:  https://community.aarp.org/t5/Caregiving/AARP-Caregiving-Summer-Break-Contest-2018/m-p/2023713#M67

[LashawnS544876]

My mother and father in law are in there 70's and still like to travel. My father in law is a retired police officer and Navy Vet. My mother in law had seven children and was a home maker and also worked outside of the home from time to time. They have children that live all over these United States and wanted to visit one of their daughters that lives in Savanna. They asked my husband and I to drive them there, spend a week with them, and drive them home. This would prove to be some task as my father in law has become more incontinent and does not want to use disposable briefs. There were several stops and multiple bowel and bladder accidents on the journey there. Fourteen hours later we were finally arriving at our destination. Now we can enjoy some family time, right? No. My father in law forgot to bring his insulin! We stayed over night (almost) in the emergency department of a hopistal I had never even heard of and after finally getting to sleep had to wake up the next day and spend approximately six hours getting him the medication that he needed to last for the remainder of the vacation at a doctors appointment, running from CVS to Walgreens and back for lancets, strips, insulin pens, needles, oral medications, fushable wipes, air freshners, depends and a numberous amount of supplies that were either forgotten or suddenly needed. Needless to say he was sick for the rest of the day so the first few days of the vacation was nothing but tending to his every need. Around the fourth day there was a complete turn around. He was back on his feet... or I should say, In his motorized wheelchair and ready to seize the day! Back home he spent most days on his computer, sitting in his computer chair, making online purchases from wish.com, watching the news, ESPN and playing computer games. His bathroom accidents usually happened traveling from the living room, through the dining room, into the bathroom and his medications and insulin were always nearby. This experience did turn out to be enjoyable; with lots of laughs and hugs and shopping and experiencing flavorful meals and encountering beautiful people, but through this I learned that caregiving is a challenging and often thankless task. When you add traveling to the mundane, everyday routine of a loved ones daily routine and changing needs; it can almost feel like a vacation never happened. 

[MariaT124631]

I find that it is just the quite moments that you can create for yourself - wether in your own backyard or a quick drive to a park or a day trip to the ocean or a lake - it is about the time you create for yourself. Mine is always wherever a good book takes me and a quite place. 

[JulieM132705]

Whenever i start to overwhelm i hop down to the beach and take a walk. The calm sounds and air refuel me and I'm ready to go again when i get back. Sometimes it's hard to be a caregiver but every once and a while everyone deserves a break.

[JosephI208305]

Hi I am Joe. My mother just became diagnosed with dementia a few months ago. But care began about this time last year as she often became confused when attempting to run errands on her own. She has always cared for everyone else. The back bone of our family. I so much want to return the favor for her. Not only with great day to day care. But she often talked about when we took our family vacation to yellow stone when I was about 10. If I could get the entire family there for her again I think it would make her day. 

[kl2419132]

We took my 80 year old grandma to a family reunion since we knew it would probably be her last.  We had to make several accommodations for her to make her feel secure and comfortable, including figuring out a way to bring her favorite rocking chair along with us!!!

[TruckJ653905]

I am planning to take my mother on a cruise in the next few months. She is almost 90 now and has never left they midwest only traveling from missouri to the surrounding states and never further.

[ChrisY213526]

I care for my husband,  most days are awesome but the bad o has can really weigh me down.  Happy to have found warp and so many others who are going through the same thi my 

[NikkiW788766]

I take a break each year with my aging mom by taking her along on a road trip. She enjoys getting away from home and seeing the country.  It’s a welcome break for us both, while making lasting memories for her, and my family. 

[ShekimaN850486]

i hope this is the place for my story because ive had a really tough lately from being homeless to finding out i have seizures and i just need a break to let me know that everything is going to be okay and that not everything is not all bad in life

[DcbcS583424]

takin a break an d travelling along with them for minimum of 5 days 

[AnnT898058]

I just joined AARP and just turned 50 in March. I haven’t taken a vacation in 20 years because of finances and for the last 16 because my son has Autism. We do day trips for only about 3-4 hours in a day. No one is willing to allow us time to have a break. When we mention his disability the person(s) come up with an excuse to not watch him for us.  Sometimes I will take a vacation outside while pulling weeds or planting flowers while my son takes a nap.

There are not too many family friendly locations we can go as a family. Having a child with Autism is challenging and rewarding. We have to come up with unique and different ways to take a mini vacation, even if it’s in our front yard. 

[DavidF207687]

I wouldn't have given it up for anything but taking my grandma on vacation the year or two before she passed was always challenging. She didn't have the stamina she used to so a lot of things she liked to do had to be adapted (beach, shopping, favorite restaurants). We made the best of it. 

[TyS372177]

I st

[LynnR932418]

My siblings take over

[YasminaR854309]

i just wan my creditssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

[JackS276926]

Taking a break is important so panning is key.  But my loved ones come first, always.

[GinaH973859]

It's not much, but a short trip, to our back deck, where we can smell the nearby lake and enjoy the breeze is a nice and necessary break I always look forward to.

[m431128w]

I help take care of my Dear Sweet Grandma. She is now 87 years old and unable to travel so for a break I take her to the park just to sit on the bench and hang out when it isn't too hot that is. She can't handle the heat like she used to so I have to be careful and I bring plenty of sunscreen and water. I am so scared to take her out anymore because she has a hard time getting around but everybody needs a little fresh air and sun. It ends up being worth it every time though because she enjoys it too.

[v226070h]

It can be a challenge when your a caregiver.  I always try and take at least a few day tryps for  recharge.

[KarynN727534]

My mom grew up on a working dairy and tobacco farm. I guess it's just logical that she would begin smoking. She's now been diagnosed with emphysema, and I am her primary caregiver. I want to make extra memories with my mom, so we're planning our first vacation in several years, going to Washington DC. I'm looking forward to having a good time with her, but I'm nervous about problems thay may arise.

[DarelleJ979445]

I personally take care of my mother in law most the time and retail therapy is the only

thing that keeps me sane lol.  I love family to death but shopping can really take the stress

away

[SteveG783613]

I like to get away to the mountains for a few days of fishing and relaxing.

[AshleyK969090]

my family travel to the lake for vacations it is such fun

[AllisonP801660]

I will not be taking a vacation this year, because I am the only one to care for my Mom and her house.  I would do anything for my Mother but the weight is heavy sometimes.  I have to stay strong for her but there are moments when I am by myself that the darkness threatens to overwhelm me.

[agoyer]

@AllisonP801660 Allison, I read your post and my heart goes out to you. I can empathize - I've been a caregiver for grandparents, parents and sister for 35+ years (my Dad, the last one, just passed less than 2 months ago). I've had many moments when darkeness threatened to overwhelm me too. Even when we are wholeheartedly caring for loved ones, it can still be very stressful, overwhelming and isolating. What do you do in those moments? I'm so glad you found our community here and have been able to reach out. 

I have always found that when I feel the lowest, I need to allow myself to just fully feel that. Have a big cry. Scream into a pillow. Do whatever allows you to just be where you are and accept and acknowledge those feelings. I've always found that once I do that I feel more able to pick up and go on a litle bit lighter. 

I look back now and think of all the times I couldn't take a vacation or spend time with my boyfriend or do other activities I enjoyed. As you say, I'd do anyting for my parents. So I don't begrudge it - and now that they are all gone I have way too much time on my hands! 

One more thought - I always likened it to my car - my car can't run on empty and neither can I. A vacation is a great way to fill my tank all at once, but as you say, most of the time I couldn't take time away for that. So I've found ways to fill my tank a little at a time - even just getting a cup of coffee, watching a musical with Dad, taking a walk, snuggling with our dog (who has also passed on now), cooking, looking at flowers, hugs and kisses with Mom and Dad - all of those things filled my tank enough to keep going. Are there things like that which you find fill you up a bit at a time? What works for you?

Here's hoping you get a real vacation one day soon and in the meantime, treasure every precious moment with your mom! Big hugs sent out to you! 

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Author, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving and

Color Your Way Content When Caring for Loved Ones

[AnnaJ684390]

It is a dream of mine to take my grandmother, whom I take care of full time, on a vacation. It has been years since she had an adventure and I know the time together would be special for both of us! 

[DanC457635]

A caregiver is anyone who provides help to another person in need, such as an ill spouse or partner, a disabled child, or an aging relative. However, family members who are actively caring for an older adult often don't self-identify as a "caregiver." Recognizing this role can help caregivers receive the support they need.

[sf69536853]

We enjoy breaks by going to the beach in the summer. Feeling the sun and hearing the waves is the most relaxing thing to me. 

[SammyJ598919]

My mom started getting ill for a while and I knew she wouldn't be able to take care of herself so I had her to move her into my house and my wife and I taking care of her right now and she is getting better at this moment.

[ThiH456398]

thanks eve