topic Re: Are you estranged from a family member? in Friends & Family

Are you estranged from a family member?

AARPLynne — Fri, 21 Feb 2020 15:41:13 GMT

Are you estranged from a family member? Have you attempted to reconcile? Share your story and read what others have to say. Join the discussion by posting a reply below.

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

bgsdaughter — Wed, 11 Mar 2020 20:20:39 GMT

While I was not estranged from any family members, my two brothers were. As they got married and started families, what was once a close relationship changed. Their wives were so different they could not get along, so it goes that the brothers did not get along either. What real or imagined slights kept them apart for years. One brother's wife passed away, and so he moved in with me. I have always tried to be a mediator, but sometimes you just have to say, I can't do it for them, they have to do it themselves. My brother moved to Germany where he would marry for a second time. As he got ready to leave, my older brother came to say goodbye, probably guessing they would never see each other again. Whatever broke them apart was over. My older brother passed away 3 years ago and I am glad the two made their amends.

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

freakyjeff — Wed, 11 Mar 2020 20:26:04 GMT

Ihave been estranged from most of my family for many years. It started with a dispute with my mother, 10 years after my dad's passing. My sisters and brother spread the hate throughout the rest of the family. I was not informed of my mother, or other family members, who had passed. I discovered my mother's death after going to the cemetary and seeing her headstone, along with an aunt and uncle, when I went to pay my respects to my father. This was about 5 years ago and my mother passed in 2008. I have been in touch with one of my sisters in the past few years and things are going well. My brother, who I was very close to, refuses to speak with me, my other sister also refuses. This is all after many years of trying. I have not given up.

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

roseRN1959 — Wed, 11 Mar 2020 20:58:43 GMT

Basically my whole family has disowned me and I have tried multiple times to try and reconcile without success. It started October 2018 after my 30 year old nephew I kicked out of my house. He was extremely sloppy and left food and dirty dishes everywhere, not to mention he didn't clean up after his cat and the poor thing often went with slimy water and very full litter boxes (2 of them) I took videos of how he was living and I don't believe any sane person would be ok with that. My sister was shown these videos and also had gone down into the basement where he was staying and witnessed it first hand. Unfortunately, she had let this behavior go on for most of his child/teen years, never holding him accountable for anything. When I finally snapped and told him he was to pack his crap and get out, my sister took his side and screamed at me. So needless to say that was in 2018 and I have not heard from her since, no replies to my numerous texts/messages. Neither of her 2 sons speak to me and have turned quite a few people against me. I have depression and anxiety and for awhile it was really really bad going through what I've been going through. But time and counselling and friends have shown me that it is never just one persons fault or one persons side of the story. I didn't bring this on myself. My sister and I use to be so close with both our parents gone. I miss her but don't forsee her having the guts to confront me with how she feels so we could work it out. Life is way too short to hold a grudge against someone. Anger is a very evil feeling. I believe in forgiveness as our Lord and Savior forgives us our sins.

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

cpl920 — Wed, 11 Mar 2020 21:08:40 GMT

My step-brother is estranged from his brother and his family. Started when their mother died, and some words were said that led to a fight between the brothers. That was in 1998. They are still estranged. He has tried multiple times to make amends, but nothing. His sister-in-law is an extremely rigid, grudge-holding woman, and I'm sure is the reason nothing will happen as long as she's alive. She has even told their children not to talk to their uncle! My step-brother is heart-broken and when he finds out through social media about family events (such as the birth of his niece's daughter), he gets extremely sad. This does nothing to help his mental health. Both are getting older and I dread the day that I see his brother's obit and have to tell him. This is stupid! Life is too short!

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

p224843d — Wed, 11 Mar 2020 21:14:19 GMT

How awful to find your mom's death by visiting the cemetery! And an aunt and uncle! You handled it well. So. . . whatever you do. . . never give up! No matter what! You are on the right trail! Kudos to you!

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

p224843d — Wed, 11 Mar 2020 21:21:58 GMT

I can say that I am estranged from my neice and nephew. I do not know why. They refuse to have anything to do with me, I have made multiple attempts to reconcile, to no avail. I send them Christmas cards and birthday cards, no response. I don't know what gives. My neice was at my mom's viewing in 2008. This was in Pennsylvania, she came from Florida with my brother and his wife. It was fine there during that time. . . but, do not know what I have done that is so awful. At this point, I feel that they are the ones missing out. I must go on with my life, I will continue to send those cards, but. . . oh well! Extremely frustrating and do not know what to do.

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

deloresl627552 — Wed, 11 Mar 2020 21:25:14 GMT

Frankly this is a nasty subject. I do not want to read about someone else's dirty laundry. there is enough of it on TV going around already!!!!!!! Let's discuss something kind and beautiful to make you feel better. Please

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

freakyjeff — Wed, 11 Mar 2020 21:28:41 GMT

Thank you.

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

suestrauser — Wed, 11 Mar 2020 21:57:36 GMT

Why don't you just not reply since you're not interested. Your reply was very negative

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

rc17703325 — Wed, 11 Mar 2020 21:59:13 GMT

Yes I'm My oldest son who lives 3 hours from me wrote me a letter listing my failings as a father, I responed with a letter saying that I knew that I was not the best father in the world but that I had tryed my best. I have tryed many times to apoligise for my past errors in bringing him up but as of yet we cannot come together. At my age there is not much time left to resolve this, so it seems I will go to my death with a estranged son.

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

BeatleloverKT — Wed, 11 Mar 2020 22:04:01 GMT

It is not a pleasant subject, but sadly life isn't always a bed of roses. Often we can help others cope without even trying. That being said, I am estranged from my husbands daughter. It's been nearly 15 years now. We have had custody and been raising her firstborn son since birth, who is now 18. I am raising him alone as my husband passed away in 2018 and he has been a handful every step of the way, as was she. Her biggest problem is her untreated Bipolar disease, which tore our family apart and almost ruined my marriage. I tolerated it as long as I could, but when she ran away at age 17, that was it for me. We had a few, albeit, short reconciliations over the years but nothing ever lasted long. Despite us having custody of her son, she has never tried to regain custody of him. She hasn't seen him for 14 years. My husband begged me, literally, on his deathbed to reconcile with her, but I just couldn't do it. I allowed her to come to her Fathers funeral, where she was instructed not to speak to her son at his request. Her solution was to not speak to any of us, including her brothers and myself. I hope she appreciated that I allowed her to come, it is my final gift to her. I appreciate reading the stories of others and their similar stories, it helps make me realize sometimes there are situations in life we just cannot fix.

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

DouglasF382785 — Wed, 11 Mar 2020 22:47:21 GMT

My father is now 95, and started developing dementia in 2011. My brother-in-law stepped in to help manage my parents daily finances. In the process he took over managing my grandmother's trust created in 1986 which was to be left to my sister and I when my father passed away. I found out that my sister and brother-in-law had broken into the trust and stolen $175,000 which I had to sue to recover and cost me $35,000 in the process. I later found out that property that my father had promised to me at his death was put on sale, and I had to sue to try and retain it, but settled for $185,000 payoff. For 5 years now my family has not spoken to me because I sued them and I have not been able to see my father. My 3 nieces no longer respond to me. I now only have the fond memories of all our family affairs and the fun I had taking my nieces to the state fair and to Monterey and to the skunk train etc. I will probably never be allowed to see my father before he passes. It is extremely sad how greed takes over a person's life and morals!

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

deloresl627552 — Thu, 12 Mar 2020 00:50:31 GMT

I was not restricted from replying, so I expressed how I felt concerning this subject

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

FrankC99507 — Thu, 12 Mar 2020 13:11:13 GMT

Daughter and son won't speak to me since their mother asked for/received a divorce; that was 10 years ago! Several attempts to reach out to them resulted a cold shoulder. No abuse of any kind except working 60 hours per week to support their "have everything" stay at home lives until their mid 20's. I have forgiven and moved on, apparently they have too.

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

BeatleloverKT — Thu, 12 Mar 2020 13:20:21 GMT

Just want to say that everyone's stories are so sad, each in their own way. It is difficult to open up about family estrangement. In our own way, I think we are helping each other heal. There are some wounds that cannot be bound no matter how hard we try. 🙏

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

pf75974628 — Fri, 13 Mar 2020 18:21:47 GMT

My children were victims of parental alienation many years ago. They were ordered into court mandated counseling during the divorce proceedings and I began to understand that their father had waged a long term campaign against me. I worked a lot because he didn't so he had plenty of time to work on them. He was also physically abusive and threatening to them but they still chose to live with him. Over time they came to live with me periodically and I have many good memories but it didn't last. Children who have been alienated suffer greatly because they lose all sense of security and do not trust anyone. They do not trust the alienated parent because of all they've been told and because they have not felt protected by that parent. They do not trust the alienator because they are smart enough to look around and see that something is wrong in the family. In my children's case, they had no support system except their father. He had driven off his own family very early and he had quickly driven mine away as well. As my children got older it was clear that they had trouble forming relationships with friends, mates, and coworkers. Their lives had many disappointments but any effort I made to help was met with resistance and finally 'I never want to see you again.' My youngest child took his life several years ago. I realized for my own good health it was time to move on and make the best life I could. I no longer know my surviving son and he doesn't know me. We are both old now and I know I shouldn't trust him. He took such satisfaction in his cruelty to me that it is better to leave the door closed. I'm not angry. I am sorry that my children not only lost their mother, they lost their extended family. On their special days no family members, including their father, came to share with them. No one remembers their names.

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

ElizabethF522798 — Sun, 15 Mar 2020 01:10:23 GMT

It's been 12 years since I've spoken with my sister, shortly after I had my son. ( yes- my sons father abandoned us ) My sister and I were always so close , as she was my best friend. It's just the three of us . My older sister, me and my young brother who has detached himself from all of us for a number of reasons

My sister has allowed her judge mental husband and our father to control things and they both contaminated my relationship with everyone in the family including my mother. My mother never took sides as she tried keeping in touch with me after I had my son. .

There was a time my young son and I needed a place to live and had to stay with my parents . Both my sister and husband loathed me for that and judged me by making sure my father made it so uncomfortable for us to stay there -it became both my sister her husband and father's job to make sure we were unhappy living there - my mother never stood up for us , so we moved. I had to remove myself from them as it was too emotionally toxic and got so much more support from the church . Several years went by and I tried reaching out only to find out my niece ended up having four children and had to move in with my sister and her husband (who's actually my nieces stepdad) they were all so unhappy with what they had to now be responsible for especially at their age... 4 young kids and their daughter now lhad to move back in with my sister... she and her husband were not thrilled... I guess what goes around comes around. I decided to reach out to my sister thru text and she actually responded. My son was also invited to spend thanksgiving with them in 2017 and to see the kids whom he knows ( which I was never invited but I thought it would make my son happy as I was just as uncomfortable ) unfortunately my sisters husband behaved very badly towards my son and my son called me to come and get him , which I did. My sister refused to discuss what happened and ignored my messages. Some time went by and I decided to let it go and tried reaching out and she text back saying hello . I suggested to her for us to take our 77 year old mother out for her birthday and she never responded. My dog of 14 years passed away and she heard about it and sent a lovely text. I asked if she could just call me as I felt so sad and she never responded- that was a month ago. I'll keep on trying but it can be very exhausting:/

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

sassysuecross — Sun, 15 Mar 2020 02:19:33 GMT

Went to the hospital when my son Peter's wife gave birth to their first baby, and then went and picked up my youngest son to meet the new addition. While we were there he heard my daughter-in-law, the new mother, ask her sister who had come from out of state for the birth to bring her some clanazapam. Not wanting to upset anything in that situation, he and I opted to ignore it for the moment--but I was VERY CONCERNED, for several reasons. One, she should ask the dr. if she felt the need for something, let along a prescription med.; two, the hospital should know what she has ingested; three, she was about to start nursing a newborn baby; and another concern was that her visiting sister didn't even have to ask what it was nor where to find it for her. I eventually mentioned my concern to a friend of my daughter-in-law--and got EXPLODED on! She inappropriately went off on me in public in front of my 2 grandkids and stormed off, and I have since been cut out of any contact/communication, not even a Christmas card.

Re: Are you estranged from a family member?

Trishi — Sun, 15 Mar 2020 16:47:11 GMT

Did you keep the cat ?