topic NA in Ask for a Caregiving Tip

NA

m442856n — Fri, 08 Oct 2021 12:01:16 GMT

Re: My sibling deciding they can't care for our 89 year old mother and I live out of state...

GailL1 — Mon, 04 Oct 2021 19:45:38 GMT

When my father died, my mother lived in her home for another 21 years. At 1st, I would just travel to her home and do all the things that she increasingly could not do for herself. Trips got more and more often. When the time came when she could not even take care of herself for a few days, I sold her home and those proceeds paid for her care nicely for the rest of her life - about another 14 years. At 1st, I found a very nice senior independent living place and then as her needs increased, an assisted living place in the area where she had lived for so long. Then she went on Hospice and died a few months later. NO Medicaid, NO Nursing Home. Just one step to the next . . .

The only way, I can see this play out for your mom, depending upon her current medical and care level, is either a Medicaid paid personal care home called in some states as community living OR if her condition warrants something more expansive in care like a Medicaid paid nursing home - which probably could still be in the area where she has lived for so long.

If your Mom doesn't like either of those choices - she may reconsider living with you but that might not be the end of her moves - depending upon what care she can get in your area from you or the Medicaid program where you live.

I am assuming there is no money for her care which could be pitched in by all the siblings?

I know that sometimes we make plans that aren't based on reality in the long term - sorry to say, that sounds like what has happened here. Was there an alternate plan ?

Re: My sibling deciding they can't care for our 89 year old mother and I live out of state...

m442856n — Wed, 06 Oct 2021 02:28:03 GMT

Thank you so much for your reply. We're exploring options and our Mom is graciously understanding that it may involve a move.

Stay well.

Re: My sibling deciding they can't care for our 89 year old mother and I live out of state...

WebWiseWoman — Fri, 08 Oct 2021 10:22:43 GMT

I don't see any reasons either you or your retired sibling cannot return to the family home? What am I missing (perhaps inability due to physical restraints, or something of that sort)?

As a retiree and care provider myself, please clarify, as I can't make sense of retirees allowing elderly parents to go to another care at this late in her life and especially with pandemic still active, especially in care facilities...

#StaySafe