topic Re: going forward in Grief & Loss

going forward

WalkingWoman — Thu, 23 Oct 2025 19:57:54 GMT

Today I realized that while I need to move forward, every step forward feels like a step away from my husband. So taking care of necessary things, like changing bank accounts, arranging a cremation plot, even getting health care for myself, feels like another letting go. And I wonder if this is normal.

Re: going forward

SummerOnTheWay1 — Thu, 23 Oct 2025 22:51:17 GMT

➡️[*** AN UPDATE!!!

Dear @WalkingWoman , Jane just "replied" to YOUR POST. Thank you Jane for stopping by to "help" her.

➡️[*** MY PREVIOUS POST!!!

I am sending a copy of your post to our wonderful AARP Experts Jane @JaneCares and Amy @agoyer .

With me, yes. I feel it is normal to feel this way. I do have moments that are so EMOTIONAL (a mixture of feelings).

As long as we realize life will sometimes be a Rollercoaster ride, we will eventually find a BALANCE.

Anyway, I am sure Jane & Amy will have some wisdom to pass your way. They have helped THIS GROUP in SO MANY ways.

I am ALWAYS here for you.

Luv,

Nicole. 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[***

@WalkingWoman wrote:
Today I realized that while I need to move forward, every step forward feels like a step away from my husband. So taking care of necessary things, like changing bank accounts, arranging a cremation plot, even getting health care for myself, feels like another letting go. And I wonder if this is normal.

Re: going forward

JaneCares — Thu, 23 Oct 2025 22:21:51 GMT

Dear Walking Woman. What a wonderful “nom de community”.

Your feelings about wrapping up loose ends and ‘separating’ yourself from you husband by changing the bank account situation, for example, sounds perfectly normal to me. You are you and no longer part of that particular and very important “we.” The account is a single one and not a ‘joint’ account. I bet it feels really stranger after all the time you’ve lived with your husband and had a life, a full and rich life, with him.

Are there other ways that you can continue to be with him even though he is not physically present now? Cook his favorite dish? Enjoy his favorite movie. Are you taking care of ‘his’ dog or cat even though you did that before your husband died?

I found this article in the New York Times had lots of thoughtful, moving ways in which people are being creative as they remember their loved one. https://www.nytimes.com/2025/07/11/well/grief-grieving-rituals.html?unlocked_article_code=1.vU8.2ATJ.K8iHxXVovqgN&smid=url-share

That should be a gift article (no need for a subscription.)

What helps you feel connected to him? To balance the feeling of letting go?

I’m remember a line from the writer, Anne Lamott: Everything I ever let go of had claw marks on it.

Yup.

So glad you wrote. What helps?

Jane