topic Re: So much loss in 5 years. in Grief & Loss

So much loss in 5 years.

LisaJP6763 — Fri, 27 Sep 2024 00:26:11 GMT

It's been a rough 5 years for me and my husband. We married late in life, he was a 47 year old bachelor when we married in 2011. Neither of us had children, and we've been happy, well as happy as "normal" married couples.

This all started with my mother's sudden death in early May of 2019. Undiagnosed pancreatic cancer took her in 2.5 weeks once we found out. The following May, my aunt (mom's only sister) passed followed by my mother-om-law the very next day. Aunt-bone cancer, MIL-stroke. Later that year, in December, my sister-in-law (husband's brother's wife) passed from sepsis. April of 2022, My husband's sister passed from kidney transplant failure and strokes. Last September my father-in-law passed from a gallbladder infection. That was all very hard to deal with in such a short time, but we thought we were done with all the grief for at least a few years. This was not to be.

On July 18th of this year, my oldest sister was murdered by her husband of 49 years, shot in the face. She had been retired 1 month and 4 days. My BIL had mental issues and also had problems keeping his meds in check. My beloved big sister honest believed she could control his anger, but sadly this day she was wrong. I've really been having a hard time with the loss of my big sister, I had already lost my other older sister (the other middle child) in 2008 due to a love of vodka and a disdain for food.

I know I'll get past the horrific murder of my oldest sister, it just takes time. The hardest part was that she lived 3 houses down from me for the last 25 years. Seeing her car in the driveway every day was hard to deal with. Plus I missed our morning coffee visits that has been going on for the last 25 years.

So, we changed our move date to my FIL's house by several months. We've been here a little over 3 months and our other house will sell on Oct 17th, so I'll be done with that. It's very peaceful out here basically in the country compared to our other house, so that's a good thing.

I still find times when my sister pops into my mind, and it's still very difficult to handle. My only solace is that I know she was never going to leave him, she was never going to be able to enjoy her retirement, and he was never going to change. All that said, it's just still so horrific that it's hard to deal with.

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

SummerOnTheWay1 — Sat, 21 Mar 2026 23:29:18 GMT

📎 Dear Lisa @LisaJP6763 , I am SO SORRY for all the losses in your life dear friend!!! 😭😭😭

I am sending a COPY of YOUR STORY to Our Awesome AARP Expert Amy @agoyer . I am here for YOU.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗

[*** LISA wrote: It's been a rough 5 years for me and my husband. We married late in life, he was a 47 year old bachelor when we married in 2011. Neither of us had children, and we've been happy, well as happy as "normal" married couples.

This all started with my mother's sudden death in early May of 2019. Undiagnosed pancreatic cancer took her in 2.5 weeks once we found out. The following May, my aunt (mom's only sister) passed followed by my mother-om-law the very next day. Aunt-bone cancer, MIL-stroke. Later that year, in December, my sister-in-law (husband's brother's wife) passed from sepsis. April of 2022, My husband's sister passed from kidney transplant failure and strokes. Last September my father-in-law passed from a gallbladder infection. That was all very hard to deal with in such a short time, but we thought we were done with all the grief for at least a few years. This was not to be.

On July 18th of this year, my oldest sister was murdered by her husband of 49 years, shot in the face. She had been retired 1 month and 4 days. My BIL had mental issues and also had problems keeping his meds in check. My beloved big sister honest believed she could control his anger, but sadly this day she was wrong. I've really been having a hard time with the loss of my big sister, I had already lost my other older sister (the other middle child) in 2008 due to a love of vodka and a disdain for food.

I know I'll get past the horrific murder of my oldest sister, it just takes time. The hardest part was that she lived 3 houses down from me for the last 25 years. Seeing her car in the driveway every day was hard to deal with. Plus I missed our morning coffee visits that has been going on for the last 25 years.

So, we changed our move date to my FIL's house by several months. We've been here a little over 3 months and our other house will sell on Oct 17th, so I'll be done with that. It's very peaceful out here basically in the country compared to our other house, so that's a good thing.

I still find times when my sister pops into my mind, and it's still very difficult to handle. My only solace is that I know she was never going to leave him, she was never going to be able to enjoy her retirement, and he was never going to change. All that said, it's just still so horrific that it's hard to deal with. ***]

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

SummerOnTheWay1 — Sat, 21 Mar 2026 23:29:37 GMT

📎 Hi Lisa @LisaJP6763 , NO PRESSURE to join Our Online Grief & Loss Support Group!!!

🗣 ALL grievers, NO matter how long it has been for YOU (days, years) are INVITED to stop by OUR Online Grief Support Group. Link is below.

https://community.aarp.org/t5/Friends-Family/A-Place-To-Be-With-OTHERS-Who-Are-Grieving-WE-support-each-other/m-p/2568259#M7720

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

SummerOnTheWay1 — Sat, 21 Mar 2026 23:29:50 GMT

📎 Hi Lisa @LisaJP6763 , we have WEEKLY free Online Grief & Loss Events for members & non-members.

The NEXT EVENT is October 3rd. Info below.

[Thursday 10/3/24] Grieving Other Losses: Acknowledging and Mourning All Your Losses!!!

Gain a better understanding of how all kinds of loss cause grief, and how mourning your losses can help you to heal.

Check out this event. https://local.aarp.org/vcc-event/virtual-aarp-tx-grieving-other-losses-acknowledging-and-mourning-all-your-losses-along-lifes-path-austin-tx-10032024-l8ng9t8m5l4.html

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

LisaJP6763 — Fri, 27 Sep 2024 01:21:51 GMT

Unfortunately I'm unable to attend online events during work hours. I have a little over 3.5 years until I retire. I'm SO ready, and my sister's murder solidified my decision to retire at 65. Thanks so much though, your thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated. Have a wonderful evening.

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

SummerOnTheWay1 — Sat, 21 Mar 2026 23:30:05 GMT

📎 You are WELCOME dear Lisa @LisaJP6763 !!!

I am HOPING Amy @agoyer will stop by to offer some "wisdom" - a VERY BUSY LADY, but ALWAYS makes time for us.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗

[*** LISA wrote: Unfortunately I'm unable to attend online events during work hours. I have a little over 3.5 years until I retire. I'm SO ready, and my sister's murder solidified my decision to retire at 65. Thanks so much though, your thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated. Have a wonderful evening. ***]

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

LisaJP6763 — Fri, 27 Sep 2024 01:31:59 GMT

Thanks girl, I appreciate it. Goodness knows I have experience dealing with grief, but the thing with my sister is the hardest. Off to bed now, it's almost the weekend and I have another Saturday on the schedule to clean out our old house. There's so much left because I finally got the chance to purge a lot of clutter. 😉

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

SummerOnTheWay1 — Sat, 21 Mar 2026 23:30:19 GMT

📎 Lisa @LisaJP6763 , try to get some sleep tonight and I will check on you EACH DAY. Sweet Dreams my friend, Nicole 🤗🤗🤗

[*** LISA wrote: Thanks girl, I appreciate it. Goodness knows I have experience dealing with grief, but the thing with my sister is the hardest. Off to bed now, it's almost the weekend and I have another Saturday on the schedule to clean out our old house. There's so much left because I finally got the chance to purge a lot of clutter. 😉 ***]

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

SummerOnTheWay1 — Sat, 21 Mar 2026 23:30:34 GMT

📎 Good Morning dear Lisa @LisaJP6763 !!!

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

SummerOnTheWay1 — Sat, 21 Mar 2026 23:30:49 GMT

📎 Hi Lisa @LisaJP6763 , how are YOU today dear friend?

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

LisaJP6763 — Fri, 27 Sep 2024 16:32:16 GMT

Hey girl, just working. Got extra hours in so thinking about taking off early and going for a little relaxation and socialization. How are you doing girl?

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

SummerOnTheWay1 — Sat, 21 Mar 2026 23:31:04 GMT

📎 GOOD for you Lisa @LisaJP6763 - that helps with OUR HEALING!!! 💃💃💃

Lol, me - trying NOT to get washed/blown off my hill in Virginia (Helene). But my cat is UNDER my bed and NOT outside like he prefers 🐈. So one LESS thing to "stress" me out. Thanks for asking!!!

I am retired by the way, turned 66 yesterday. Retired at age of 62 when COVID arrived in 2020. Four years later, it is STILL HERE!!!

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗

[*** MELISA wrote: Hey girl, just working. Got extra hours in so thinking about taking off early and going for a little relaxation and socialization. How are you doing girl? ***]

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

LisaJP6763 — Fri, 27 Sep 2024 16:51:36 GMT

So sorry you're having to deal with that nasty weather! I couldn't believe this morning when it was over Georgia and still had an eye! I knew that wasn't good. Stay safe!

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

SummerOnTheWay1 — Sat, 21 Mar 2026 23:31:16 GMT

📎 Thank you Lisa @LisaJP6763 !!!

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗

[*** LISA wrote: So sorry you're having to deal with that nasty weather! I couldn't believe this morning when it was over Georgia and still had an eye! I knew that wasn't good. Stay safe! ***]

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

SummerOnTheWay1 — Sat, 21 Mar 2026 23:31:28 GMT

📎 Dear Lisa @LisaJP6763 , I HOPE you enjoyed your relaxation and socialization TODAY after work.

Gosh, you are ahead of alot of grievers with doing BOTH!!!

[1] What are you doing to help with YOUR HEALING besides these? Some of us journal. Maybe counseling and so on. There are two ladies in our Support Group who also had MULTIPLE losses. IF interested, stop by and chat with them.

[2] In what way can I help?

I hope you were able to sleep last night. Sleep restores us and heals our insides.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

LisaJP6763 — Fri, 27 Sep 2024 22:55:15 GMT

If I could figure out how to "join" a group I would. These AARP forums are a tad difficult to navigate, and I'm quite internet savvy. They could use some work.

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

LisaJP6763 — Fri, 27 Sep 2024 23:07:33 GMT

Luckily I have no trouble sleeping now. I did enjoy my afternoon off, just wishing I had been able to connect with one particular friend but she never responded to my initial text. She's dealing with her own issues so I'm sure she had something going on. I do miss journaling, but after having surgery on both thumbs, that's not feasible. I've tried typing to journal, but it doesn't seem to offer the same peace that putting pen to paper did. I'm really busy right now getting things sold out of my old home so we can close on it October 17th. What doesn't sell will just get donated, I'm certainly not dragging it to my new home. This was my long dreamed of purge. I didn't bring anything to my new home that I haven't used in the last year except for 4 specialty appliances.

Then I'm dealing with a fractured disc from a fall at work, that's proving to be quite difficult getting things rolling. Husband is having shoulder surgery the first part of November, so there will be that to deal with. Other than that we're just enjoying chilling in our new, peaceful home.

How'd you weather the storm? Girl, the stories I'm getting bits and pieces of are horrific. Helene will definitely be retired as a storm name, and that's sad. Just heard 46 dead from her. I knew she was going to be bad and my heart goes out to all those affected by her.

Now, to finish laundry!

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

SummerOnTheWay1 — Sat, 21 Mar 2026 23:29:05 GMT

📎 Lisa @LisaJP6763 , I hope you had a "decent" day at work TODAY!!! I am here for YOU my friend.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

LisaJP6763 — Mon, 30 Sep 2024 23:16:56 GMT

It was a busy day. Had to meet a worker to get new screens installed at the house here, then back to work. Then over to the clinic our company uses for workers comp cases. Just got off the phone with the woman that handles the claims at the corporate office for them. I'm pooped. But, I get my MRI this Friday instead of Halloween like originally planned. I have to have potent anxiety medicine for that. I'm about to feed hubby and head off to bed. Take care my friend, I hope you're coping OK with all this mess. Sweet dreams!

Re: So much loss in 5 years.

mc6844 — Wed, 06 Nov 2024 20:21:11 GMT

Lisa, I'm so sorry for your losses. My older sister and I were a year and a half apart in age. Together from the beginning of life. These kind of losses I don't think people get over. Rather I carry the good things I remember on with me. It was a very painful loss. I'm glad you found this forum. The people here are kind and supportive. You can express and leave your grief here a little at a time. So it doesn't become overwhelming. Please take good care of yourself!