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Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 35
Registered: ‎07-27-2009

re: Living Alone

Message 11 of 17 (3,098 Views)
In Response to Living Alone:

As anyone out there knows, living alone has it's advantages along with distinct disadvantages.  I have lived alone for almost 20 years but recently, I am aware that my mind is getting focused on the lives of others, be it family, friends or even the coming and goings of neighbors.  Some of it frightens me as I am hearing from my daughter who has a concern for me and says that "I need more of a life".  I have taken care of my Mother until she entered the nursing home 4 years ago, now I have her cat Charlie who resides with me.  I find myself talking to  charlie, asking him questions, along with telling him where I am going and when I will return.  I have done volunteer work and took my chances on on-line dating which turned out to be a disaster.  I am thinking now that it would be nice for me to meet a man with whome I would discuss the events of the day, either his, mine or the political climate brodcasted on nightly news.  I am beginning to believe that this is not really healthy to be alone and have no one to share thoughts, ideas, plans, hopes and dreams with.  Alone, I plan my own dinner dates, movies, I control the remote, and don't have to get input on decorating my home.  I haul the garbage, haul the groceries, I am land lady, daughter, Mother and friend but no one who sits and sooths me when I'm tired, laughs at my silly jokes, comforts me when I am lonely and tired and affirms me when I have accomplished something that I am proud of.  I use to think that being alone was  good, that we were not all made to be a partner, but in the past year, I am finding that I have that longing and hope to meet that special someone who feels the same as I do and wants that someone to share life with.  There is a lot of life behind be but not much in front of me and would really like to meet that someone to share that with.  As I move more into my golden years, I am finding that I no longer want to do it all alone. 

Hi,


 


I envy you in some ways. I have hardly ever lived alone except for when I was in college and then for a brief two years after my first husband passed away at the age of 32 of cancer. Then I had my little son which helped.  After that brief stint of being alone,    I met the man whom I am married to forover 35 years now. He is older than I by a significant number of years, and lately I have been really scared that something might happen to him and I would have to be left alone.  We are best friends and though we are different, we share many things. He is a loyal and respectful partner.


I am mentally preparing myself for the state that you are describing, but you already have come to terms with it and know how to lead your life. Consider it a blessing. You must be a very resourceful and brave person.

Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 175
Registered: ‎09-02-2009

re: Living Alone

Message 12 of 17 (3,062 Views)
In Response to Living Alone:

As anyone out there knows, living alone has it's advantages along with distinct disadvantages.  I have lived alone for almost 20 years but recently, I am aware that my mind is getting focused on the lives of others, be it family, friends or even the coming and goings of neighbors.  Some of it frightens me as I am hearing from my daughter who has a concern for me and says that "I need more of a life".  I have taken care of my Mother until she entered the nursing home 4 years ago, now I have her cat Charlie who resides with me.  I find myself talking to  charlie, asking him questions, along with telling him where I am going and when I will return.  I have done volunteer work and took my chances on on-line dating which turned out to be a disaster.  I am thinking now that it would be nice for me to meet a man with whome I would discuss the events of the day, either his, mine or the political climate brodcasted on nightly news.  I am beginning to believe that this is not really healthy to be alone and have no one to share thoughts, ideas, plans, hopes and dreams with.  Alone, I plan my own dinner dates, movies, I control the remote, and don't have to get input on decorating my home.  I haul the garbage, haul the groceries, I am land lady, daughter, Mother and friend but no one who sits and sooths me when I'm tired, laughs at my silly jokes, comforts me when I am lonely and tired and affirms me when I have accomplished something that I am proud of.  I use to think that being alone was  good, that we were not all made to be a partner, but in the past year, I am finding that I have that longing and hope to meet that special someone who feels the same as I do and wants that someone to share life with.  There is a lot of life behind be but not much in front of me and would really like to meet that someone to share that with.  As I move more into my golden years, I am finding that I no longer want to do it all alone. 

At this time in our lives, many of us 'live alone'.  For me, growing up a only child with a working mother, being alone is the only lifestyle I understand.  But please don't feel alone.  It is completely up to you to make this the happiest and most fun time of your life.  Try to make of list of all the things you enjoy.......theater, plays, ballet, symphony, knitting, reading, or dance lessons, vacation cruises, etc.  Make plans to go out with friends.  If budget is a problem, there are many free places to go and enjoy outdoors.  Remember, it is up to you and only you.  You are free now and you can make every day an adventure!


And, if you see how many people are on the AARP site, it's because they also want human contact.  We all need it.  So, this is a good place to start.  I wish you happiness and contentment with yourself.

Conversationalist
Posts: 11
Registered: ‎02-26-2009

re: Living Alone

Message 13 of 17 (3,061 Views)
In Response to Living Alone:

As anyone out there knows, living alone has it's advantages along with distinct disadvantages.  I have lived alone for almost 20 years but recently, I am aware that my mind is getting focused on the lives of others, be it family, friends or even the coming and goings of neighbors.  Some of it frightens me as I am hearing from my daughter who has a concern for me and says that "I need more of a life".  I have taken care of my Mother until she entered the nursing home 4 years ago, now I have her cat Charlie who resides with me.  I find myself talking to  charlie, asking him questions, along with telling him where I am going and when I will return.  I have done volunteer work and took my chances on on-line dating which turned out to be a disaster.  I am thinking now that it would be nice for me to meet a man with whome I would discuss the events of the day, either his, mine or the political climate brodcasted on nightly news.  I am beginning to believe that this is not really healthy to be alone and have no one to share thoughts, ideas, plans, hopes and dreams with.  Alone, I plan my own dinner dates, movies, I control the remote, and don't have to get input on decorating my home.  I haul the garbage, haul the groceries, I am land lady, daughter, Mother and friend but no one who sits and sooths me when I'm tired, laughs at my silly jokes, comforts me when I am lonely and tired and affirms me when I have accomplished something that I am proud of.  I use to think that being alone was  good, that we were not all made to be a partner, but in the past year, I am finding that I have that longing and hope to meet that special someone who feels the same as I do and wants that someone to share life with.  There is a lot of life behind be but not much in front of me and would really like to meet that someone to share that with.  As I move more into my golden years, I am finding that I no longer want to do it all alone. 

Hi,


You have to be a very creative person to enjoy living alone.  I have a blog that helps individuals to turn a negative into a positive! I am, now, a substitute teacher just to be around people and activities. You can run out ideas unless you have family, friends or things where you are always meeting new people to keep happy.  Please check out my blog at www.SmartAlternativesLLC.blogspot.com.  It may give you some new ideas!

Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 554
Registered: ‎08-13-2009

re: Living Alone

Message 14 of 17 (3,061 Views)
In Response to Living Alone:

As anyone out there knows, living alone has it's advantages along with distinct disadvantages.  I have lived alone for almost 20 years but recently, I am aware that my mind is getting focused on the lives of others, be it family, friends or even the coming and goings of neighbors.  Some of it frightens me as I am hearing from my daughter who has a concern for me and says that "I need more of a life".  I have taken care of my Mother until she entered the nursing home 4 years ago, now I have her cat Charlie who resides with me.  I find myself talking to  charlie, asking him questions, along with telling him where I am going and when I will return.  I have done volunteer work and took my chances on on-line dating which turned out to be a disaster.  I am thinking now that it would be nice for me to meet a man with whome I would discuss the events of the day, either his, mine or the political climate brodcasted on nightly news.  I am beginning to believe that this is not really healthy to be alone and have no one to share thoughts, ideas, plans, hopes and dreams with.  Alone, I plan my own dinner dates, movies, I control the remote, and don't have to get input on decorating my home.  I haul the garbage, haul the groceries, I am land lady, daughter, Mother and friend but no one who sits and sooths me when I'm tired, laughs at my silly jokes, comforts me when I am lonely and tired and affirms me when I have accomplished something that I am proud of.  I use to think that being alone was  good, that we were not all made to be a partner, but in the past year, I am finding that I have that longing and hope to meet that special someone who feels the same as I do and wants that someone to share life with.  There is a lot of life behind be but not much in front of me and would really like to meet that someone to share that with.  As I move more into my golden years, I am finding that I no longer want to do it all alone. 

I can identify with you so well.  It seems I've spent my life looking for that special man.  Call it karma or fate or any other word you may want, but it wasn't meant to be.  Oh, I met those men, but each one was taken from me.  My first husband of 23 years, my second of 12-1/2, and my third of just 1 wonderful year.  All of them died and left me behind - alone once again.  In between I was engaged once and, you guessed it, he died of cancer before our wedding day.  I met another man and he died.  It would be laughable if it wasn't so tragic.  Someone told me that maybe I should find a young healthy man instead of old codgers LOL.  Not my style.  I can no longer handle the pain of loss and have found peace and fulfillment in my life.  Although I spend a lot of time on the computer, it isn't my only outlet.  My two dogs get me out of bed each day and I have a yard full of birds who are dependent on me.  After years of avoiding involvement in a church, I find myself Treasurer of the one I chose, I lead bible study and I put together a newsletter every two months.  I get lots of hugs because we are a family and we all help each other one way or another.  My two children and 7 grands live far away and I rarely see them, but we have telephone and computer visits.  I have given up on men.  I know it's illogical, but I feel like some kind of bad luck charm.  Since I accepted my lot, I have been more content with the status quo.  I am smiling here, because I know that should a nice single guy come into my life I will probably forget my resolve and hope for the best.  Thanks for sharing Dugand and may life smile on you.

Gold Conversationalist
Posts: 369
Registered: ‎04-25-2008

re: Living Alone

Message 15 of 17 (3,061 Views)
In Response to Living Alone:

As anyone out there knows, living alone has it's advantages along with distinct disadvantages.  I have lived alone for almost 20 years but recently, I am aware that my mind is getting focused on the lives of others, be it family, friends or even the coming and goings of neighbors.  Some of it frightens me as I am hearing from my daughter who has a concern for me and says that "I need more of a life".  I have taken care of my Mother until she entered the nursing home 4 years ago, now I have her cat Charlie who resides with me.  I find myself talking to  charlie, asking him questions, along with telling him where I am going and when I will return.  I have done volunteer work and took my chances on on-line dating which turned out to be a disaster.  I am thinking now that it would be nice for me to meet a man with whome I would discuss the events of the day, either his, mine or the political climate brodcasted on nightly news.  I am beginning to believe that this is not really healthy to be alone and have no one to share thoughts, ideas, plans, hopes and dreams with.  Alone, I plan my own dinner dates, movies, I control the remote, and don't have to get input on decorating my home.  I haul the garbage, haul the groceries, I am land lady, daughter, Mother and friend but no one who sits and sooths me when I'm tired, laughs at my silly jokes, comforts me when I am lonely and tired and affirms me when I have accomplished something that I am proud of.  I use to think that being alone was  good, that we were not all made to be a partner, but in the past year, I am finding that I have that longing and hope to meet that special someone who feels the same as I do and wants that someone to share life with.  There is a lot of life behind be but not much in front of me and would really like to meet that someone to share that with.  As I move more into my golden years, I am finding that I no longer want to do it all alone. 

My friend, I am right with you and on the same wave length, but when I approach others with this topic, I get treated as if I am both senile and hopeless.


Way back when I was fifty, I brought the subject up in a women's church retreat. I should have known better. I was surrounded by married ladies in their twenties and thirties, and hopefuls in their late teens and twenties. The thought that a woman way past her prime, in their opinion, could even bring up the subject of dating and mating, was beyond their level of understanding. My voice went small, and I disappeared into the woodwork until someone needed advice, or support or a listening ear.


I raised the babies alone ( started out with a mate) then raise grandchildren alone. I have sat upon more park benches, with my snappy little headphones, listening to audio books where a child or group of children, were well within eye and earshot. Some of these kids were mine and others were the children of my children.


I have read stories to, bathed, comforted and loved countless children in daycare settings, in my home daycare and those who are biologically inclined to my heart, but the man thing has never come up again. No matter how clever my stories, my jokes or my writing prowess. I have done speaking engagements, where I could see from my peripheral vision, a tall, dark and handsome or the opposite, walking my way. I have had my hand taken in a larger hand and told how "moving" my writing and reading is, only to have the "significant other" join the man and tell me in her ownership voice, that she is Mrs So and So and she enjoyed my work as well.


I have not dated in over fifteen years. I have not lived in a mosque. I have lived in a world where I have become invisible. No matter how vibrant my red clothing, how wide my lonesome smile, there seem to be no takers, or the takers are taking something else and not me.


Like you, I am overly concerned and sometimes intrude into the lives of others, having none of my own, except my writing ( published a book last year), my question and answers to myself resound off the appliances. I have no cat or dog. One of the grandchildren still resides with me, but he has a life as an adult and though we are close, I find myself listening for his return, and resenting more than a little bit, that when the phone rings and he is not working, he is less likely to choose me as a companion than his peers, which is only right and healthy. I eat my lonely pizzas, plan dinners for which a straggling of adult children appear, sniff at, eat heartily and pack up as much of it as they can, while saying a goodbye that seems to extend itself to month and months of "I will be over soon".


I go to the grocery store, the library, the garbage dumpster, and even to a lot of those senior things meant to help people connect right here in my housing complex, but the people there seem bent on speaking of death and bad health all the time, and I am interested in the life there is left to live. Many have resolved themselves, or so they say, to loneliness. I cannot bear it and more and more, I am feeling as if no one cares.


Hang in there. I am sure things have got to get better. We are good people and I have to believe there is life beyond the AARP site. I love this site, but even more, I long for human touch.

Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 31
Registered: ‎08-19-2008

Living Alone

Message 16 of 17 (3,061 Views)

As anyone out there knows, living alone has it's advantages along with distinct disadvantages.  I have lived alone for almost 20 years but recently, I am aware that my mind is getting focused on the lives of others, be it family, friends or even the coming and goings of neighbors.  Some of it frightens me as I am hearing from my daughter who has a concern for me and says that "I need more of a life".  I have taken care of my Mother until she entered the nursing home 4 years ago, now I have her cat Charlie who resides with me.  I find myself talking to  charlie, asking him questions, along with telling him where I am going and when I will return.  I have done volunteer work and took my chances on on-line dating which turned out to be a disaster.  I am thinking now that it would be nice for me to meet a man with whome I would discuss the events of the day, either his, mine or the political climate brodcasted on nightly news.  I am beginning to believe that this is not really healthy to be alone and have no one to share thoughts, ideas, plans, hopes and dreams with.  Alone, I plan my own dinner dates, movies, I control the remote, and don't have to get input on decorating my home.  I haul the garbage, haul the groceries, I am land lady, daughter, Mother and friend but no one who sits and sooths me when I'm tired, laughs at my silly jokes, comforts me when I am lonely and tired and affirms me when I have accomplished something that I am proud of.  I use to think that being alone was  good, that we were not all made to be a partner, but in the past year, I am finding that I have that longing and hope to meet that special someone who feels the same as I do and wants that someone to share life with.  There is a lot of life behind be but not much in front of me and would really like to meet that someone to share that with.  As I move more into my golden years, I am finding that I no longer want to do it all alone. 

Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 31
Registered: ‎08-19-2008

Living Alone

Message 16 of 17 (3,061 Views)

As anyone out there knows, living alone has it's advantages along with distinct disadvantages.  I have lived alone for almost 20 years but recently, I am aware that my mind is getting focused on the lives of others, be it family, friends or even the coming and goings of neighbors.  Some of it frightens me as I am hearing from my daughter who has a concern for me and says that "I need more of a life".  I have taken care of my Mother until she entered the nursing home 4 years ago, now I have her cat Charlie who resides with me.  I find myself talking to  charlie, asking him questions, along with telling him where I am going and when I will return.  I have done volunteer work and took my chances on on-line dating which turned out to be a disaster.  I am thinking now that it would be nice for me to meet a man with whome I would discuss the events of the day, either his, mine or the political climate brodcasted on nightly news.  I am beginning to believe that this is not really healthy to be alone and have no one to share thoughts, ideas, plans, hopes and dreams with.  Alone, I plan my own dinner dates, movies, I control the remote, and don't have to get input on decorating my home.  I haul the garbage, haul the groceries, I am land lady, daughter, Mother and friend but no one who sits and sooths me when I'm tired, laughs at my silly jokes, comforts me when I am lonely and tired and affirms me when I have accomplished something that I am proud of.  I use to think that being alone was  good, that we were not all made to be a partner, but in the past year, I am finding that I have that longing and hope to meet that special someone who feels the same as I do and wants that someone to share life with.  There is a lot of life behind be but not much in front of me and would really like to meet that someone to share that with.  As I move more into my golden years, I am finding that I no longer want to do it all alone.