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Conversationalist
Posts: 7
Registered: ‎01-16-2013

Re: Pet Peeves

Message 11 of 94 (1,091 Views)

Thank you for sharing. I, too, value honesty, even when it's something I don't particularly want to hear. You know who your friends are when they know that they can be honest with you. I have great respect for people who live their truth. For me, knowing and living my truth are a work in progress and, as I see it, one of the most important assets that a person can have.

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Registered: ‎04-07-2015

Re: Pet Peeves

Message 12 of 94 (1,092 Views)

marieteresa01 wrote:

Thank you for asking. If your friend is happy with the dress, find something positive to say, such as, "I like how your dress shimmers just like your eyes. I'd call this your happy dress." Now, if someone is asking you to be brutally honest, which she wasn't, above all, tell the truth, but in a way that doesn't offend the person. Try to be constructive at all times. For example, "I don't care for that style of dress on you as much as your green one, which flattered all of your wonderful curves." Hope this is helpful.


@marieteresa01 A thousand times yes! Exactly. Right-o.

 

Like you, I prize kind honesty over all other qualities. While I strive to treat people as you have stipulated, those rarified souls admitted to my inner circle are able to deliver their opinions in an unaffectedly direct manner and then alllow me to form and hold my own opinions. These behaviors are, for me, the exact opposite of a pet peeve.

 

 

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Trusted Social Butterfly
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Re: Pet Peeves

Message 13 of 94 (1,072 Views)

wilful wrote:

 

"I hate it when there is a quarter cup of milk left in the bottle. That's too much to wash down the drain, but really a waste of space in the fridge. Too much to pour into my morning coffee, too little for a bowl of oatmeal ... but just enough to make me feel guilty of waste should I toss the leftover milk and also too little milk to see placing the the practically empty bottle into the fridge. Bleh! Happily this does not happen often. "

 

A Solution;

 

Take the bottle and drink down that 2 ounces of milk.  It's **bleep** for you on two levels - physically and mentally.  Smiley Happy


@wilful I bet many people do just that. I, however, have never liked milk as a drink. I keep it onhand for cooking, making yogurt and cheese and for dribbling into my morning java. But to drink? No thanks. 

 

This isn't actually a problem here for having a wee bit leftover rarely happens. If I'm cooking and there's a fraction of a cup in the bottle, I'll just use it. Same with yogurt and cheese making. But I don't like a lot of milk in my coffee, so on rare occasions I'll end up with a small amount of unused milk in the contaier. That's what happened when I posted this and that's about the only time such a thing occurs. Smiley Happy

 

 

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Treasured Social Butterfly
Posts: 18,745
Registered: ‎12-25-2011

Re: Pet Peeves

Message 14 of 94 (872 Views)

@marieteresa01, @Prosecco6247 - I wanted to show how difficult it can be to be completely honest, while preserving a dear friend's feelings, since marieteresa seemed to think there was no justification for not being completely honest ever.

 

Personally, I put questions like that in perspective; if the person already dressed & on their way to the event, there would be no opportunity for them to change into something else. So what would be the point of telling them they weren't wearing a flattering outfit .. where that would only result in them feeling bad & awkward the whole time! I would probably say something the next time I saw them, that it wasn't as flattering a style or color. If they showed me the outfit before they actually needed/wore it, I would be honest about it not being flattering for specific reasons.

 

PS - There is also a difference between being truthful, and telling the whole truth. The former means that what you say is true (it's a beautiful dress), but the latter means you tell everything & it's true (it's a beautiful dress, but the style/color doesn't suit you).


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Registered: ‎01-16-2013

Re: Pet Peeves

Message 15 of 94 (816 Views)

Thank you for asking. If your friend is happy with the dress, find something positive to say, such as, "I like how your dress shimmers just like your eyes. I'd call this your happy dress." Now, if someone is asking you to be brutally honest, which she wasn't, above all, tell the truth, but in a way that doesn't offend the person. Try to be constructive at all times. For example, "I don't care for that style of dress on you as much as your green one, which flattered all of your wonderful curves." Hope this is helpful.

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Re: Pet Peeves

[ Edited ]
Message 16 of 94 (724 Views)

@ASTRAEA, at first, I though this was a "trick question!"  If the friend says she "feels great" in it, I'm inclined to believe it gives her confidence...and that's a good thing.

 

If her actual question is, "Don't you think it's gorgeous?" and I think it's a pretty dress, I would probably say "yes."  If she said instead, "Don't you think I look gorgeous in this dress?" and I really didn't think so, I would demur by saying, "It's a gorgeous dress" or  "It's gorgeous but it's not the type of dress I would choose," thus opening the conversation to a critical appraisal of the dress's characteristics and the type of body that could pull off "the look," all the while saying I couldn't get away with wearing that type dress.  Next, I would smile sweetly and say, "I'm obviously not the best judge of how this dress looks "on."  Then I would suggest she get some other opinions.  I feel I will have preserved my commitment to honesty and made every effort to keep her feelings intact in the process.

 

Is that the kind of answer you were going for?

 

 

"Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness." ~ Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Treasured Social Butterfly
Posts: 18,745
Registered: ‎12-25-2011

Re: Pet Peeves

Message 17 of 94 (689 Views)

@marieteresa01 - Say a very good friend of yours stops by to show you a dress she bought for a special occasion that evening. She doesn't have a perfect figure, and finding clothes isn't easy for her. She tries it on for you, and you don't think it's particularly flattering, but she seems to love it & lights up wearing it. She asks you, "This dress makes me feel great; don't you think it's gorgeous?"

 

What do you say to her?


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Registered: ‎01-16-2013

Re: Pet Peeves

Message 18 of 94 (546 Views)

My pet peeve is people who lie. I read an article that explained that there are different kinds and different degrees of lying. To me, a lie is a lie; an untruth. Why do people even lie when the truth would serve them better? Manipulation. Dignity. Lack of Courage. In a recent study, a classroom of children was given a game to play and while 75% of them peeked at the answers, 95% of them lied about it. Why? The argument was that parents are teaching their children to lie -- maybe not explicitly, but they also aren't correcting them. When my children were young, I told them emphatically that I would never punish them for some misdeed if they told the truth about it. I was more interested in what their motivation was and how we might change that behavior going forward. So, my first reaction when my son sent a baseball through the front window was, "How did that happen?" When I observed a scratch across the top of my dresser, I called both of my children into the room and asked, "How did you do that?" The guilty one proceeded to tell me. I learned that in order to get to the truth, don't ask yes or no questions -- ask how, what, when, where, why and the truth will follow. They saw value in telling the truth and now they are reliable and trustworthy young adults. So, when I witness our politicians lie to us almost daily only to find out later that they in fact lied, I'm peaved. There is actually a name for it: "post-truth politics." Good grief!

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Registered: ‎11-04-2009

Re: Pet Peeves

Message 19 of 94 (708 Views)

My pet peeve is people who say "uh" and "and uh" constantly.  What happened to good grammer?  Even TV anchors & reporters do it.  One guy I work with says it so it sounds like Anna.  I am constantly tempted to ask him just who this "Anna" is!

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Registered: ‎10-11-2014

Re: Pet Peeves

Message 20 of 94 (666 Views)

I'm not sure that you completely understood my pet peeve.  Foglights are supplemental to regular headlights.  They began appearing 5-10 years ago I believe on Suburu Foresters & Outbacks and are now standard equipment for many newer vehicles, especially SUVs & trucks.  Most are simply another set of headlights located underneath standard headlights and are designed for enhanced lighting of the area from the front of a vehicle to fifty / hundred feet forward.  They are definitely a safety feature when properly used in conditions of limited visibility, but can easily blind on-coming traffic, bicyclists, pedestrians, etc. when mis-used in clear / good visibility.  As with bright lights, foglights have a specific use, but are not for everyday driving as unfortunately many seem to misunderstand.