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Treasured Social Butterfly

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 41 of 59

@Calhounwoman - I have considered going on a "volunteer vacation", but it bothers me that you live in spartan quarters, work hard at least 1/2 or 3/4 of the time you're there .. but you pay more for that "experience", than if you went on a conventional trip & stayed at a nice resort!

 

I've also considered going with a special interest group, like the Audubon Society, Smithsonian, or one of the classical music stations, but the price of their trips is prohibitive. They say they get special guest speakers, and get the group into places not normally open to tourists, and part of the price is a "donation" to the organization. I don't like when a "donation" is mandated like that. Oh, and they generally have a 30% extra charge for singles.


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Gold Conversationalist

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 42 of 59

@SassiLady,Hi, SassiLady! I just stumbled on this topic and wanted to know how are you doing.  

 

Are able to use any senior support services in your area/community?  Is AARP in your area?

 

 

 

 

Fey Lady
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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 43 of 59

@nelsjm, Hi Jypsy Janet!  As the oldest of 6, and as a teenager,  it was an eye opening life lesson to experience loneliness (isolation) in a house full of people.  I don't wish that kind of loneliness on anyone.

 

Do you plan on doing some type of volunteer nursing during retirement? Would you consider starting an annual excursion experience with like minded single nursing peers?  There must be other single nurses your age at other workplaces--connect with them.  Do you belong to any professional nursing organizations? Great way to meet new people with something in common; making new connections now, with a couple of people will make it easier when you do retire.

 

I have never married or concieved (on pupose).  Since retiring a little over two years ago, I haven't had time to be lonely.  As another poster mentioned, everyone seems to demand more of your time; it's as if my retirement is their retirement. "No" has become a very useful and effective recurring mantra for me.

 

I keep engaged by doing what I've always done:  write, volunteer, travel, take courses of interest, etc.  It's easy for me to meet people, but I prefer to keep my circle of confidants very small--less drama that way.

 

My most challenging retirement lifestyle learning curve has been to accept that my idea of what aging looks like is not in line with that of some of my family members, friends, and former peers.  I have actually had to disassociate from some of them because they were simply too old in their mindset. My 60 is not my Mom's or my Grammy's.  I will be "too old to be doing that" soon enough...but in my own way and my own time.

 

Let me know what you decide to do.

 

 

Fey Lady
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Trusted Social Butterfly

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 44 of 59

@pvdugas  Welcome!  It's very nice to see a new face and read a very positive and life-affirming post.  I noticed you have also posted on the genealogy thread here as well.  We look forward to seeing you on the other AARP discussion forums as you explore the various topics that interest you.

 

Please feel free to create a new topic here if you have a subject you'd like to explore with other singles.

 

If you'd like to respond to a particular poster, please use the @ sign and a drop-down menu will show up at the bottom of the dialogue box.  It will contain the names of the members who have already posted on a thread.  Highlight the name of the person you are responding to and it will show up in red...just as your name appears at the beginning of this post.  This will simultaneously alert that poster that you've mentioned them in a post.  That increases the chances that you will receive a response.

 

We hope you enjoy your conversations and the time you spend here!

"Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness." ~ Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Conversationalist

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 45 of 59
I can relate a little! I've been single for awhile. . I date but I enjoy living alone. I have a very full life with work and socializing with my friends. Volunteering is GREAT but it can have drawbacks as well. Once they know that you're single they think you don't have a life and your phone tends to ring a lot. You have to learn to say no sometimes. I like giving back. I've raised funds for causes, I'm a Project leader for the United Way, Find a cause that you believe in and give it your all. Someone stated breaking in sometimes be difficult. This is very true. There are cliques in volunteering but in time you'll find like-minded people who you'd enjoy away from volunteering. I wish you the best.
That which you attempt to control...controls you - Iyanla Vanzant
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Treasured Social Butterfly

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 46 of 59

ASTRAEA wrote:

@SassiLady - I hope that your screen name means that you're resilient, and continue to enjoy life, despite the situation you're in.

 

Yours isn't the first story I've heard about a parent being encouraged to move in with an adult child's family, where things didn't pan out the way they expected. When a widowed friend-of-a-friend sold her house, she gave her married child a big chunk of the money to "modify" their home, to create an suite for her. A non-driver, she moved from a walkable neighborhood in which she knew everyone after living there 40 years, to a car-required suburb, where she was alone all day while her child & their spouse worked, and her grandchildren were in school. She was expected to do the housekeeping & laundry, and then mind the spoiled children, until their parents came home.

 

It's an unfortunate object lesson for everyone else to note. No matter how much we love family members, and thing they respect & love us too, it's wise to run these sort of big dollar/life affecting options by an attorney .. even if it costs some money for their expertise. Getting unbiased alternatives to help us make good decisions, and having the documentation to protect us, is worth the investment!


Good points!!  

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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Treasured Social Butterfly

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 47 of 59

@SassiLady - I hope that your screen name means that you're resilient, and continue to enjoy life, despite the situation you're in.

 

Yours isn't the first story I've heard about a parent being encouraged to move in with an adult child's family, where things didn't pan out the way they expected. When a widowed friend-of-a-friend sold her house, she gave her married child a big chunk of the money to "modify" their home, to create an suite for her. A non-driver, she moved from a walkable neighborhood in which she knew everyone after living there 40 years, to a car-required suburb, where she was alone all day while her child & their spouse worked, and her grandchildren were in school. She was expected to do the housekeeping & laundry, and then mind the spoiled children, until their parents came home.

 

It's an unfortunate object lesson for everyone else to note. No matter how much we love family members, and thing they respect & love us too, it's wise to run these sort of big dollar/life affecting options by an attorney .. even if it costs some money for their expertise. Getting unbiased alternatives to help us make good decisions, and having the documentation to protect us, is worth the investment!


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Respected Social Butterfly

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 48 of 59

@ASTRAEA

Not an option, it's a long story, my mom would say "you made your bed, now you must lie in it". I am a 15-20 min drive to doctors, shopping etc. I pray every day that I can still drive myself and also asking Him to help me make the decision to move in with my youngest son and his wife, who have asked me. Right now I am living with my oldest and his female partner. They go their own way and I go mine. She is not sociable to me and if I had known how she was and her "issues" I would not be here. I paid for our place and put my son's name on it for reasons of making it simpler if anything happened to me. I wanted to save him the rent/mortgage as I knew it would be difficult for him financially. Now I am stuck in a situation that I cannot change, at least not immediately. I have told him that he lied to me by 'omission'. Which of course he denies. Well if he had been up front with me I would not be here now.

Right now I am dealing with a bunch of health issues and hoping they can come up with what is wrong with me soon. Perhaps then I will be able to make a decision.

 

Enough of my venting.  How are you doing. I miss the stories so guess I need to go search them out. Thanks for your interest.

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Treasured Social Butterfly

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 49 of 59

@SassiLady - I think there's a place where AARP put their tips on how to use Online Community, but it's not easy to find without searching, and I also think everything's just listed randomly, which makes it very time-consuming. Smiley Sad

 

Any chance you could move closer or into a town? Might be better to do it before inertia sets in.


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Respected Social Butterfly

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 50 of 59

@ASTRAEA

 

Oh wow! I got to this topic in a round-about way and glad now I did as this tip was great. I have been trying to figure out how to do this since they changed things, again.

I also have relocated for a second time and live in a rural area. In two years I haven't made any friends here and though I have always loved living alone I do need some social life. Alas! I don't see it happening. 

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