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Treasured Social Butterfly

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 11 of 59

@vernak - Very well put!


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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 12 of 59

Solitude is enjoyable. Loneliness is not. This researcher seems to equate being alone with loneliness. They are far from the same. I have been single and living alone for 42 years. Sometimes I was lonely, but not all that much of the time. Mostly I enjoyed my solitude, and still do. Different people have different social needs. There is the matter of what you expect, and what you want, versus what you get. That is what can lead to pain.

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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 13 of 59

@l136780y - I'm sorry for the recent loss of your surrogate dad! Since you mention being a veteran, are there any American Legion posts near you, where you can start developing a network of friends? Don't assume that you need to be 100% the same as your friends, to feel comfortable together! It's common (and a good idea) to have friends with whom you enjoy one or two things, so you can spend some time with each of them.

 

Your experience is a good lesson & reminder to all of us singles, that it can be very dangerous (albeit easy) to become so dependent on a single relative or friend, for our entire social life. Not only do we need variety, but the flexibility to still have other friends, if something happens to one of them.


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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 14 of 59

I have never been a "social butterfly".  I lost my adoptive Dad/best friend/mentor in June of this year.  He and I did everything together.  I feel lost without him.  I have friends 85 miles away (they were closer to his area), and they all have full family lives, so I don't think they feel comfortable around me, because I never married nor had any children, so they feel there is no common ground between us.  I have lived alone since 1999, and I only have a small dog and a single cat as company.  I have been feeling more alone than normally, since his death.  I just work, go home, listen to music and read or play downloaded games on my tablet.  I have never logged onto any social media, because to me, that is a very HUGE security risk.  I'm a six year Air Force Veteran, and security has always been a big issue for me.  I don't trust in humanity, just look at all the stories of attacks in the news lately.  I sometimes feel as if my biggest fear will come true, that I will die all alone, and it will be days before anyone finds my body.  I just live one day to the next at this point.

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Treasured Social Butterfly

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 15 of 59

Social Isolation Looms Large as More Adults Live Alone

http://www.aarp.org/health/conditions-treatments/info-2017/loneliness-growing-health-problem-fd.html...

 

This article appears on the AARP page and seems related to this discussion.  

I have never faced this issue.  We have a larger family and I work at a large company and I am surrounded by people all day  : )   so when I get home I need some isolation..   If I were to relocate after retirement that could be an issue so lots of the places we looked at were part of active communities that have lots of social time planned into the community.  While this is not for everyone is is one answer.  Another big issue is health which can isolate you more than you would ever choose.  But lots of discussions on this subject point out that society seems to be moving more and more to social media contact rather than face to face contact.  We have come a long way from small town American where everyone knows your name and business (and they still due) to the big city life where you don't know your neighbors.   Socializing without face to face kind of dehumanizes the contact.. you can say things because you don't know the person.  

It will be interesting to see how things go.

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 16 of 59

As I was reading your story I realized you and I have a lot of the same issues. 

 

I have fibromyalgia as well and I have very painful days. Some days I have all I can do to get out of bed. I have had this for over 30 years now. I would advise you to, no matter how bad the pain, to make yoursef get up out of bed then you have accomplished at least one thing for the day. Keep track of all the littlest things you do because they add up and at the end of the day hive yourself kudos for the things you did accomplish. 

 

I also joined a couple of online fibromyalgia support groups but make sure they are positive ones and not.ones that dwell on the pain.

 

Can your doctor give you some medicine to counteract your allergies so you can go to Church?

I love to go to Church but I am basically homebound due to severe migraines at this time. 

 

I have been through two abusive marriages and am currently single. I am homebound right now, depressed, anxious, lonely, etc....

 

My children are grown and they were world, I had two abusive marriages, I had no time for me so I never got to find a hobby I like or things I enjoy. I still feel guilty if I buy myself a necessity because I still have the mindset that someone else needs something first.

 

I am also on Medicare, disabled, and barely have enough to live on. I have a payee that pays my bills for me and then I get so much a week or what's left over.

 

Medicare does have a reduced payment plan for medications make sure you call and ask about it. 

 

I hope it helps to know there is someone else out there who understands what you are going through and I pray you get the help you need. 

 

God bless you!

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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 17 of 59

I am truly sorry to hear about your difficulties.  You seem to have a lot on your plate right now and are too weary to make a move.

 

As far as qualifying for help...have you made an appointment with your city or town's Social Services Dept?  You should request an interview to be evaluated for whatever services are available through them. 

 

First off, have you made an application for food stamps (EBT card)?  Certainly you may qualify for some assistance there. 

 

Medical care?  If you are on Social Security Disability, shouldn't you qualify for Medicaid or Medicare?  If you are on Medicaid, your prescriptions can be obtained at a discounted rate, depending upon your state's Medicaid arrangement.  If no assistance is available, you should get in touch with the pharmaceutical company that manufactures your drugs. 

They usually have assistance programs to supply Rx drugs at reduced prices or free of cost. 

 

Counseling for your anxiety may be available through your local Public Health Dept.  They may be able to help you with drug costs if you are on any anti-anxiety drugs.

 

Have you checked to see if there is a shelter for battered women & their children in your town?  The may be able to give you some helpful information for women like you who have left an abusive marriage...particularly outreach programs to help you re-integrate into society.

 

The YMCA may offer programs as well.  Your city recreation department may be able to give you information on services for seniors.  You need to be active with your fibromyalgia in order to prevent flares and maintain your mobility.  Some senior centers have exercise rooms and fitness classes as well as offering a luncheon meal to seniors who gather there for fellowship.  There may also be classes for hobbies which might interest you.  Art classes, knitting, crocheting, sewing, cards & bingo, day trips to local areas of interest such as museums & parks.

 

AARP has a local presence in many areas.  Check this website and see if there is one near you.  They may have other suggestions for you.

 

Astraea's suggestion about calling the church ahead of time is an excellent one

 

This is a pretty lengthy list to get started with.  Just take it one step at a time...with the same resolve you used to become a member of this board and make your very first post.  Good luck!  Each new contact will lead you to others.  Before you know it, you will find yourself all plugged in to your newest adventure!

"Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness." ~ Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Treasured Social Butterfly

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 18 of 59

@v936580h - I'm so sorry to hear about the situation you're in! Some places have "displaced homemaker" programs, for women getting out of dangerous or otherwise bad marriages .. maybe you can look for something like that in your area, and see if there are any support programs.

 

Can you call the church & ask if they have any "fragrance free" areas for services; I know that a lot of people have sensitivities, and they might be aware of that & accommodating.

 

Congratulations on taking the first step, out of your bad relationship!


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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 19 of 59

Last October 2016 I ran from an unsafe 12 year marriage.

I am 54 years old and live by myself now.

I am Disabled with severe fibromyalgia, anxiety/ panic attacks, asthma and allergies.

My social security disability check is just enough to pay my rent, phone, some medicine and food.

I don't quality for any medical help or prescription coverage.

I go to food banks when I have gas money to go.

I currently have .39 cents to last me 4 more days.

I don't know anybody. My last relationship kept me isolated to the house.

I am still isolated to my current place I'm staying because I have no one to help me.

I have no money for gas, food, medicines.

All I have is my phone. I listen to self help videos. I am so weak, and fearful of my tomorrow- I don't have strength to get dressed.

I would like to go to church. I have allergies to the perfumes and hairsprays and no way to get there. I look up services and songs on u- tube. I am afraid to be touched because of past gramma. But I strongly want to be healed of that and wish I could have someone to talk to.

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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 20 of 59

em869 wrote:

When my husband died, along with grief, I found new freedom: I could cook when I wanted to and nap when I wanted to, paint the walls any color I wanted to...but after a few years, I got lonely. I missed having someone to tell my good news to, missed someone who knew how to fix the computer and change ceiling light bulbs. I did go to church, I was in a writers group, enjoyed Netflix Facebook...but had no live person to share the little day-to-day happenings with. Also, when my husband died, my income was cut in half, and with the increasing living costs, finances were getting tight. My daughter lived many states away and kept urging me to come live with her and her husband. Not wanting to be the classic "mother-in-law", I kept my condo while trying out a new living arrangement, staying with them 8 months. We got along fine. In fact, I was able to go to many more interesting activities with them and I took care of their cats when they went on occasional overnight trips. I sold my house and invested half the money in an annuity, guaranteeing I would not outlive my bank account. The three of us figured out what added expense I caused by living with them, the food and utilities, and I write a check for that amount each month. I pay for my own meals when we eat out. Having given up driving, I've learned to use a local cab company. I have a large bedroom and bathroom which I decorated with my own stuff and have settled in nicely. Lonely no longer.


Wow  congrats!  What a smart way to make the change.. do a trial run and see how things go.  I am glad it worked out for you and that you are happy with the change and mostly that you are lonely no more Woman Happy

 

 

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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