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Gold Conversationalist
Posts: 72
Registered: ‎12-07-2008

Re: When to go into Assisted Living Facility

Message 1 of 19 (473 Views)

My sister and I moved my elderly Mom to assisted living in July and thankfully it was her decision, finally! But looking back on the entire experience I think we should have made the decision for her sooner and that is absolutely contrary to how I felt up until the move.  We were doing everything possible to allow it to be her decision.  We took her car away about a year ago and that was an unpleasant experience for everyone, but she was very dangerous to others on the road and waiting for her to give it up on her own was not happening. So we decided to try to allow her to call the time for a move or hiring someone to come into her home to assist her.  But what happened was her cognitive abilities slowly started failing. We were not prepared for dealing with it, not the impairment itself but identifying the degree.  In her case it was such a slow decline that the issues would show up infrequently and the rest of the time she was fine and rational. When irrational incidents would occur we would discuss with Mom, but she almost always had a rational explantation.  We'd catch her wearing her clothes to bed and staying in the same outfit 2 or 3 days in a row, sometimes soiled with food from the first day. She'd explain it away by "too tired to change before bed" or "didn't realize the food was there" and then that issue would dissapear for a few weeks so we said "hmmm, ok"  She could discuss the situation rationally after the fact, the decision itself was irrational. 

 

When the cognitive abilities start eroding, that also effects the elderly's ability to make rational decisions about being able to care for themselves or make a move to assisted living.  What I learned from the entire process was to sit down NOW with my children and let them know that even tho I may demand staying independent and living in my own home, that they need to take control (without guilt no matter my reaction) once they see I am making poor decisions and especially if those decisions are definitely contrary to what I would have done in the past. 

 

My Mom, who fought us for 2 years about moving into assisted living, now loves it there after the first few weeks. And yes, we heard that story from so many friends who have been through the process. But the stories, though encouraging, are irrelevant when you are dealing with a stubborn, independent, sometimes-angry parent.   

amcoffiebean
Bronze Conversationalist
Posts: 15
Registered: ‎06-20-2009

Re: When to go into Assisted Living Facility

Message 2 of 19 (571 Views)

My mother has been in an assisted living facility near me for the past 7 months. The rent on a 'studio' apartment is $1,995/mo and a one bedroom apartment is $2,195/mo and inclues cable, electricity, water, and toilet paper. Someone comes 3 times a week to empty her garbage cans, and once a week to do light housekeeping. She's in a one bedroom apartment that has a walk in shower, hotel size washer/dryer units, microwave, full size standard refrigerator, and two electric burners, and we moved all her own furniture there. Studio apartments do not have a separate bedroom or washer/dryer units, but the facility has a washateria for their use. They also have a beauty shop, library, chapel, and a rehab facility that will take insurance. Residents can come and go as they please, but they ask you to sign in and out of a book available in every hall so they will know whether you are there or not in case of an emergency. The facility is locked at night for security, but if you go out at night, you can enter a door with a code. Many of the residents still drive and have their own cars, but the facility has a large van to take residents to appointments or out a couple of times a month for scheduled shopping visits to WalMart and out to eat at a local restaurant as a group. We are not currently paying for any extra care services as I go there and help her with personal care and prescription drug management. Pets are allowed if you pay a deposit. They have activities daily including Bingo, music and dancing, birthday parties, etc., and there is always a nice puzzle being put together on a table that anybody can go work on any time. There's a big pond in the front full of turtles and fish that has a railed deck and residents enjoy sitting there under the trees feeding the turtles and fish.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 8,457
Registered: ‎08-18-2008

Re: When to go into Assisted Living Facility

[ Edited ]
Message 3 of 19 (613 Views)

b144740c wrote:

I have a question for anyone who is contemplating moving themselves or a loved one into an assisted living facility. "How are you planning to pay the nearly $4000 to $6000 per month rent?"


It is not so much the "rent" as the care level which comes with a hefty price tag.

 

But to answer your question - 

As with myself, I planned this move for my mother, just in case it might happen.

And it did and financially she was ready.

 

This money came from the sale of her home place many years earlier which I had invested.  This covered anything which she needed to make ends meet during her time in senior independent living.

 

And based pretty close to the figures which you mentioned - she had to start using it big time when she moved to assisted living and her care level began to escalate.

 

Then to the personal care home where she spent the last remaining time before her death - pretty much 100% total care.

 

We all are gonna get old and older if we live, past that, the shape we are in when we get older, is anybody's guess - so plan for the worse and hope for the best.

Info Seeker
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎02-06-2011

Re: When to go into Assisted Living Facility

Message 4 of 19 (630 Views)

I have just moved my parents into assisted living 3 weeks ago.  I'm not sure if it was harder on me or them.  They are both 94.  We were lucky enough to obtain a, "suite", so that all their own livingroom and bedroom furniture fit into the 2 and 1/2 rooms.  It was a hard adjustment and the staff told me that it would take them 2-3 months to adjust.  In just 2 weeks, my parents are going to church, playing 

Bingo, going to exercise class, doing their own laundry and having computer lessons.  They are being taken care of, checked on multiple times a days, get their medicine at the correct times and boy do they love the food!  I am very grateful for their safety and well being.  But to answer the question of if they knew it was time to go to assisted living from independent living?  No, is the answer.  Now that they are there, they realize everything they missed while maintaining an. apt. with two bedrooms, two bathrooms, dinningroom, livingroom, kitchen, etc.  I have my parents back.  I have time to sit with them, bring their great grandchildren to see them and enjoy our family together.

Info Seeker
Posts: 4
Registered: ‎07-26-2016

Re: When to go into Assisted Living Facility

Message 5 of 19 (665 Views)

I'm in Tampa, Fl. and there's a lot of income-based facilities available. Some even take pets!

Info Seeker
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎08-18-2017

Re: When to go into Assisted Living Facility

Message 6 of 19 (671 Views)

I have a question for anyone who is contemplating moving themselves or a loved one into an assisted living facility. "How are you planning to pay the nearly $4000 to $6000 per month rent?"

Info Seeker
Posts: 3
Registered: ‎08-20-2010

Re: When to go into Assisted Living Facility

Message 7 of 19 (723 Views)

I have been looking at a Senior Apartment facility for my brother.   If you are comfortable with completing your daily living activities, that might be a half step for you consider.   You maintain your own apartment living; but they provide many collective activities that allow you to interact with others daily and they provide a nice sense of community.    I am sure the cost is a little bit less too.

Treasured Social Butterfly
Posts: 19,388
Registered: ‎12-25-2011

Re: When to go into Assisted Living Facility

Message 8 of 19 (744 Views)

@teroka - It's so nice to read your positive post about the transition to assisted living! I remember when cousins had to move his widowed mother into assisted living, she wasn't very happy about it. she didn't like "giving up her independence" in her house .. although she was really doing very little herself, and expecting her son & dil to do it for her. Because there weren't many facilities in her area, when she got there, she realized she already knew many of the residents, which made the transition easier for her after all.


Registered on Online Community since 2007!
Info Seeker
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎02-06-2011

Re: When to go into Assisted Living Facility

Message 9 of 19 (762 Views)

I have just moved my parents into assisted living 3 weeks ago.  I'm not sure if it was harder on me or them.  They are both 94.  We were lucky enough to obtain a, "suite", so that all their own livingroom and bedroom furniture fit into the 2 and 1/2 rooms.  It was a hard adjustment and the staff told me that it would take them 2-3 months to adjust.  In just 2 weeks, my parents are going to church, playing 

Bingo, going to exercise class, doing their own laundry and having computer lessons.  They are being taken care of, checked on multiple times a days, get their medicine at the correct times and boy do they love the food!  I am very grateful for their safety and well being.  But to answer the question of if they knew it was time to go to assisted living from independent living?  No, is the answer.  Now that they are there, they realize everything they missed while maintaining an. apt. with two bedrooms, two bathrooms, dinningroom, livingroom, kitchen, etc.  I have my parents back.  I have time to sit with them, bring their great grandchildren to see them and enjoy our family together.

Info Seeker
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎06-30-2013

Re: When to go into Assisted Living Facility

Message 10 of 19 (843 Views)
Sad but true. I have three living children and I am positive that none of them would care for me. They are all just much too busy taking care of their own family.