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Community Home & Relationships
07-19-2017 08:53 PM
First of all, congratulations Conversationalist. And best of luck to you!
I was very heartened to see Irishmists post such an on point comment about what we men should he thinking about when we go back into dating. As a single male for the past 8 years, I have had my share of misadventures disguised as bad dates. Well, bad from her perspective. I did not have a clue. I was unceremoniously dumped by my latest ex-wife and found myself basically a mess. My dating exploits would have made 50 First Dates a horror flick.
My internet profile picture was the “Dummy” in Dating for Dummys.
A friend of mine who is new to the 50+ dating scene asked me just last night what is the biggest difference between now and then. I couldn’t name just one, but I started with, she is not the same woman you dated when you were in your 20s. She is free, has her own life and does not need a man. And she is not looking for someone who “needs” her.
I believe the most important trait in the early stages of a relationship is listening. Actually not just in dating, but in life. You will get a chance to tell your stories. Listen to hers. Be genuinely interested. Pay attention. It is natural for people to like to talk about themselves. It makes them feel good if someone responds positively to it. Ask follow up questions and wait for her to make it your turn.
I learned a lot of things the hard way. Therapy and learning from 50 Worst Dates helped me deal with the reality of dating at this age. I have a lot more I could say but I don’t want to waste your time if you are not interested. If you are http://bit.ly/2bHSitu. Thank you Irishmists.
07-01-2017 01:58 PM
Thanks for the comments.
An an update seems appropriate. It has been almost three years since we met and we are still very much in love and happy. We gave up very little to achieve this happiness. For example we split every day expenses based on odd and even days, I have odd days and she has even days. We both kept our own houses. We live in hers two weeks out of the month and in mine two weeks of the month. We realize each of us has foibles, habits etc. and made no effort to end them.
Two of our common interests is traveling and writing. In our travels we met a number of couples who met like we did. The conversations that followed were not only enlightening but also helped advance some of the concepts, about meeting on the internet, we believed to be true. These conversations prompted us to write a book whose goal is to assist those looking for someone using internet dating sites. After about a year of writing the book is at an editor, and we will publish it this summer.
There is little doubt that we are biased. Had it not been for the internet we would never had met and our futures would have changed from extremely happy to who knows what. I will take extremely happy any day.
07-01-2017 10:30 AM
Very nice Webster. I really appreciate your story. It gives me hope. I'm 55 and have been divorced for almost 2 years. This is so new to me and I want to enjoy it but there is some aprehension about dating.
06-24-2017 12:17 PM
BINGO! I like your number 5 "I don't do drama". I see many posts with the statements...........
"AND NO DRAMA PLEASE"...........................really, I think to myself.
Is not life filled with drama? As we get older do we just let all of our emotions leave us and become unfeeling and unthinking?????????????
Statistically men that reach the 50ish age bracket should have a clue about relationships, yeah I know, sorry ladies, it takes us that long to get the wisdom we need, just the way that it is.
Since I am a man, here is my advice for any man. Look at her for the "Look".
Remember the "Look" guys?????
Only a woman can give you that special look. It's in her eyes (AND NOT THE BEDROOM EYES). That "LOOK" she has when you enter a room........It doesn't matter if she is 18 or 118, a woman's look will always remain one of the most grandest looks on earth. If you miss the look, then your still a fool..................and by the way guys, if your starring and rating her breasts to measure up to your standards....................YOU WILL MISS HER LOOK...................because she will stop looking at you because she knows what you are looking at and focused on. So you best read Irishmists post, she is correct on her thoughts and ideas. And not only 50+ year woman think this way, women have always have thought this way even when they were 18 years old, we men are the ones who got MOST of it wrong, we didn't really mean to screw things up, but we did it all the same.
I also agree with Irishmist, we men and women all get old, we get wrinkles, get some grey hair, we might lose hair, etc. but that's no reason to not try and maintain what we have left and wear some clean clothes once in a while .............................and DO NOT give up on yourself because you are getting OLD. Quit sitting around thinking of how nice it would B2B 25 years old again, too late, those years are gone, chin up and have fun with what you have and what time you have left.
If you get that look from a woman again in your life, then as suggested in the original post,
don't lie to her AT ALL
(LYING IS THE TOP of the DO NOT DO LIST with woman, so don't do it)
and tell her everything she wants to know about you. Tell her about your past mistakes if she wants to know and you might just have your new best friend, and that's what it's all about.
I disagree with Irishmists post concerning the statement:
"we can smell a line of BS at 50 paces"
guys........ Women can smell a line of BS from 500 paces and beyond that!, they always could, they just tolerated it when they were younger ladies. Am I wrong here ladies? I think not.
So guys, READ Irishmists post, read it another 10 times so it will sink in, and read the replies to the post..........................bottom line is gentlemen, it's what most woman WANT, it's what they have always wanted.................and it's time for us men to want the same thing...............an honest relationship, some smiles and laughs together, a hand to hold, side by side and a best friend, all the other stuff will naturally fall into place if you give it a chance too.
On second thought guys, read the original post another 20 times..........just in case it doesn't sink in at first
08-28-2016 08:57 PM
For those of you who are tired of being alone I empathize. I lost my wife of 52 years to cancer. I had not dated for, here goes, more than a half century. I was alone for a while and at 73 my chances of finding some one was declining with my age. To add insult to injury I had to call my 47 year old son to see what the rules were.
I quickly enliminated bar hopping, church and friends. That left living by my self, standing on the corner with a sign, or going on the Internet. I decided to join a dating site for seniors. I am fairly tech savvy so the mechanics of the search were easy. Figuring out who I was and what I wanted was the hard part then writing that with a semblance of understanding was daunting as well.
Then came the pictures. I seldom was in our pictures I was the picture taker, so I had to have someone take them for me.
I hit the enter button and was out there. Trust me on this there are a lot of very nice women out there. As irishmist says "dare to do something" and that means get out there and seek dates. After one mistaken relationship, I regrouped, refocused, and hit the dating scene again. This time I knew who and what I was seeking as well as I knew what my deal killers were.
I dated about 12 to 15 very nice women before I found the one that knocked my boots off. Unlike the recommendations, our first date was 8.5 hours long. I had scheduled a four week cruise to get away from it all and do some writing. Through email and phone calls we fostered feeling for each other and fell. In love. We have been togather now for going on two years.
Love is out there, however it will not fall in your lap. Be willing to follow irishmist's comments, be sure you 8nderstand what you want, a be sure you never compromise on your deal killers.
Now get out there.
08-03-2016 08:04 AM
From one tired of kissing frogs,
08-02-2016 09:29 PM
Gentlemen - I am 4 years out as a widow and back in the dating scene. Here's some advice from my experience the last year.
1. Life is not high school. Act mature. You are missing out on a LOT of great women because you still think the prom queen is waiting for you. Really?
2. Take a look at yourself in the mirror - are you neat, clean, haircut, clothes pressed, beard trimmed? Seriously - please make an effort. We don't care about the belly or the bald spot - we DO care about someone who takes a shower and brushes his teeth.
3. Act interesting as well as be interested! Some of you are advertising for mothers, nurses, and maids - not friends and partners. It shows. If you can't initiate a conversation at this point, and ask questions about her and her life....what makes you think we are willing to do the same? We may be lonely, but we are not desperate.
4. We get you all like football, cars, and NASCAR. So - go enjoy it. We don't have to be joined at the hip. Hopefully, if we TALK we will find mutual likes, etc.
5. Drop the "I don't do drama" line. This has to be the most selfish line ever written because what you are really saying is that you never figured out how to discuss and resolve a conflict with another human being, and you are not even willing to try. And you say you are ready for a relationship?
6. Be OK in terms of taking care of yourself; it's not about a lot of money; it's about knowing what to do with what you have. Take care of your business. It's how you build trust with us.
7. Great physical intimacy isn't always about an erection. It's about being willing to be romantic; it's about touching; it's about exploring; it's about deriving pleasure from what you CAN give as much as from what you can get. Buy a book - read about it. Or better yet, ASK us.
8. Don't lie, cheat, steal, etc. It's wrong. And you don't have to; believe us when we tell you, we women have been through so much by this time in our lives, we can smell a line of BS at 50 paces. Save us all the time and trouble. You want want to go - tell us and go. We will eat a pint of ice cream this time, and go to bed. The sun will still rise in the morning and set at night.
9. Life on this side of the line is shorter - we ALL could use a lot more laughter, love, great sex, and someone that cares in our lives. We are ALL looking for each other. What we need you to do is clean your window and let us really see you as you are.
10. Life IS shorter - stop wasting time. Ask. Dare to start something. Do something - ANYTHING. Just don't sit there and let us pass by.
Seriously, guys. Seriously.
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