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05-13-2017 01:56 PM
pvdugas makes some excellent points in her post.
I agree with her that there is "good" and "bad" everywhere, on the streets, at the grocery market, the big "W" store, etc. and even online.
I think no matter where the "date" originated from, at least if both parties are 100% truthful with each other up front, then each side has a decision to make about each other at that point. And you may walk away from your date, but at least you could walk from him/her knowing they were at a least honest with you.
And her solid words of "MEET in a public place" is very good advice. I don't seeing being cautious upfront as being paranoid, I see it as a responsible and very smart way of safe guarding ones self until that guard is no longer needed.
Take care and be safe!
05-12-2017 12:16 AM
Online dating....now that's a serious discussion waiting to happen. I've been fortunate to meet several really nice men online. Some of them I dated for awhile and nothing really came of it but we remained friends. It actually takes a little practice. Weed out the junk and to do that you have to know what you're looking for. There are so many signs that I watch for early on and the creeps never fail to show you who they are. As Maya Angelou once said: "When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them." I've been offline for a few years now and when I decide to go back online I am always amazed at seeing the same faces, photos and lines. I went on a date with a guy once and had to abruptly get up from the table and leave because I could tell from his conversation that he only had one thing in mind. Boy bye! About a year later he showed up on another site and had to nerve to try to talk to me forgetting that we had gone out on a date. I have amnay looks so I think the picture threw him off. I had to block him from contacting me.
I had to explain it to one of my close friends like this: You can meet a creep at the market in the soda isle. Online dating has this stigma that only desperate people are there. There are bad people everywhere. You will all remember the tragic story of the young mother from Seattle, I believe, who went to a Mariners game with someone she met online and ended up dead, chopped up and placed in someone's trash bin. Facebook was outraged, rightfully so, but there were tons of negative comments about online dating. Online dating is only a place to meet someone. When I read these stories about people meeting online, emailing, then talking for months at a time I am baffled. There are countless stories of women who were swindled out of thousand upon thousands of dollars to men they never even met. That's crazy to me. I'm a "show me" don't 'tell me" kinda girl. You meet online, you then talk and meet IN A PUBLIC PUBLIC PLACE. The first meeting will tell you where to go from there but like someone else said: You have to be careful and have boundaries.
05-10-2017 11:16 AM
33 years! Man I tell ya that's a long time and you got me beat by 10 years. 23 years with my wife and off to the South she flew. You can find details as to what happened (or at least what I think happened) if you would like to benchmark and compare.
So we seem to have shared the same fate, no matter how each of us got here to this point. Sure does get hard sometimes being alone, I get it all to well. I have ran into a few offers here and there from women, but I choose to remain in solitude until my wound heals.
I suggest the first thing to do is to pick yourself up off the ground and stand up. Keep walking and keep breathing. My advice is to reflect by yourself as to what happened and try to take all of the negative thoughts and convert them to positive thoughts, I know what your thinking, easier said then done. Read my posts, read other peoples posts, read all you can about losing someone you loved or/and your marriage. It does help to know that the are many others going through the same things we are. Just throwing my 2 cents out there in case you might need it.
I suggest you get yourself back out into the world and not focus on the online dating scene. Don't have any expectations and start looking at people. Don't worry about rejection, you might get rejected 100 times, who cares! Someday, somewhere eventually someone will say "yes" to you, it's just a question of when and who.
So put on those walking shoes, take your first step with your head held up, and keep looking to see what and who comes your way.
05-09-2017 04:11 PM - edited 05-09-2017 04:15 PM
Which online dating sites are good?.................................Hmmmm, interesting question. I guess it depends on what you want or what you are looking for????? Let me throw my thoughts out here as silly as they might seem.
I am sure that if you asked a person that did per chance meet that Mister or Miss “Wonderful” you would get direction to which online source they used. But (there’s that word again “but”)………seems almost everyone has a “nightmare” tale of their online dating endeavors.
For clarification on the subject at hand, I am not and will not go on any dating sites. It is not that I am older and set in my ways and it’s not that I do not think it is impossible to find someone through a dating site. Love can come from any direction, at anytime, from anywhere, even possibly through the internet……….I suppose.
My issue with me putting up a profile about myself and broadcasting to the world that I am looking for someone is like applying for a bank loan or a credit card. And me sitting here waiting to see who the highest bidder is with the lowest interest rate with me in return reviewing their credentials and as to who has the best deal. In short, it seems to cheapen the quest for romance and the chase of that special person if I run into them. It’s just my stance and barrier line for finding what I am looking for. So to avoid all the disappointments and possible nightmare dating debates I will not subscribe to any online dating sites…………………………………………………………………………………..even if certain dating sites that do have commercials on TV that proclaim success of people meeting people and being happy ever after………..we will come back to “dating site claims” in a few moments.
Now, let’s jump to what I hear about dating sites. I had friends (both male & female) back on dating sites 10 years ago and way before I ever got divorced. I heard “dating online tales” then that were all disappointing that sounded like a horror story written by John Carpenter and I am still hearing the same stories today. I am sure that some people out there in the world did find the fairytale relationship or least they found what they were looking for, but I have yet to meet any couple that has told me their romantic story of long distance internet romance and finding each other on a “dating website” and lived happily thereafter. I have heard of some people that found each other and became good and close friends, but then again they were looking for friendship and nothing more from each other. I have even met some great people and made some great friends from the internet, but they were not from dating sites.
Let’s go back to “TV commercials that claim success” about their dating sites and how it has brought people together and the site helped those people onto the road of marriage. So the message we saw and heard in the commercial was, “Gosh, they met each other and they got married, they must be happy now”. It is a valid statement that you will meet someone in online dating sites, it is common logic, you are looking for someone and they are looking for someone, or something. So your odds of meeting someone, anyone is very high if you have a profile and advertising you are looking for someone.
Then we drop into the zone of “is the person we have found online what we want or need?”. Here is the kicker, you review the profile, and he or she sounds like the one you have been searching for, bingo! ………………we have a winner you think to yourself. One of two things happens, you start an online romance or maybe the two of you are not far apart and set up an “actual physical” face to face date. Either way you go, the statistics are NOT in your favor. Talking more with a person brings out the truth of what they really are or how you see them, or the two of you meet up and you know within 10 minutes into the date you would rather be home reading a good book by yourself.
Some dating sites are more sophisticated then others and some dating sites do have the utmost respect and compassion for people looking for people, but no matter what, the online dating services cannot stop people from telling lies or portraying themselves of who they are not on their profile.
Really think about this folks, you can be with someone in a relationship face to face for 10, 20, or even 30 years and then the two of you all of a sudden fall apart with both of you wondering if you ever knew each other at all…………………… Now how in the heck can an online dating service profile demand an absolute and truthful profile on someone? Most dating sites have “disclaimers” and in the fine print you will find they are not responsible for the individuals “profile content” or can they guarantee results that are favorable to the sites users. G! go figure……………………….
Another fact that is NOT publicized concerning MOST online dating sites is the “FAILURE” rate. Yep, you are reading it correct, “FAILURE”. Ever notice some of the website data or statistics that show us how they have a 90+% rate of success towards marriage because of their online website? What they don’t tell ya is that over half of those people brought together have ultimately failed after a 2 to 3 year marriage span. And the number 1 reason why the marriage failed was because one person in the relationship said that the person they found was not who they portrayed themselves as to be. Whooooooooooooops!.........Now hold on, the profile was absolute, it was the perfect match!, everything a person wanted in another person!...........the internet is never wrong….......NOT!
If you choose to utilize online dating sites, take nothing for granted and be aware of all the risk and even to the extent of harm that could come to you. Sometimes our wants, our needs blind us and I think a good check and balance of ourselves would be to have a second opinion (a close friend, or family member you trust) and let them know you have met someone online and get their opinion concerning the matter. There are some real bad people out there with real world bad problems and they can do much damage or harm to you before you know it.
Don't harbor fear, but Please just be careful and crawl before you run
As for me, online dating sites, Nah……………….I am sure there are some nice people on them from time to time………..and I refer to the old saying………
………… It takes one bad apple to ruin the bushel”…………….but I think the saying today is……………. “There’s a bushel of bad apples and only one good one left”…………….
So I will walk on with an open mind, a warm heart and remember what I have learned and what I have lost. I will keep looking for that one good apple amongst the bruised and rotten fruits as my life goes on. I will look everywhere I go and I will have a smile for all that I meet no matter where I am.
Perhaps, just perhaps, I don’t know the time, the day, or where it will be, I will see one good apple looking back smiling at me. The only thing I am certain of is that the apple I seek will not be found through this monitor and keyboard on a dating site.
HAVE A GREAT DAY AND KEEP SMILING ; someone might just smile back at you.
PS I love music, all kinds of music. I find many pearls of wisdom in some of the messages that bands have put together. If you have never heard the song below or don’t know of it, I suggest you listen to it even if you don't like this style of music. Listen to the message within the song. It does fit some of the roads we are on now.
"Sweet Dreams are made of this, who am I to disagree?
I travel the world and the seven seas, everybody’s looking for something
Some of them want to use you; some of them want to get used by you,
Some of them want to abuse you; some of them want to be abused”
The bands name: Eurythmics (Vocalist: Annie Lennox)
Song title: "Sweet Dreams".................. this song can be found on youtube
04-23-2017 02:17 PM
Yeah, I understand your feelings, but its not the end of the world by any means. There are plenty of options that you can utilize. There are plenty of nishe dating sites for seniors that you can try, but you shouldn't limit yourself with only senior sites. To give you some example not long ago my close friend(he is 53 years old) found a partner on https://www.flirt.com/ and he did that because he wasn't afraid to try new things and obviously he wasn't afraid of rejection, because its part of the game. And I strongly recommend you to utilize every single option that you have in order to find a partner for the rest of your life. And don't allow fear to hold you back, its your time to act and everything gonna be a OK. Take care and keep moving forward!!!
04-01-2017 12:22 PM - last edited on 04-20-2017 07:24 PM by Underbat
Hello My Friend ASTRAEA,
I am writing in regards to your message about dating sites, you have mentioned MeetUp. ?
I just want to let you know that I have been to Hundreds of different dating sites in the past 6 yrs, I have learn many different things that are about dating online.
But the one thing I have learned from theses sites, that 90% of the people on theses dating sites are not very honest about themselves, they may seem innocest but after you talk with them and they seem to turn the table around and they will ask for money or merchandise such as a phone.
I have came across so many people and when you ask them what kind of work they do for a living, they usually will tell you that they lost there job, or they don't work and when you ask where they live they will tell you that they are from the USA, But they will give a story saying I had to go to Africa or Ghana to care for my mother or parents. This is a giveaway Africa or Ghana isn't a glamerous place to live.
This is also something that has come up many times when I wrote to someone online, When I ask what they do for income, they will say that they have a business of their own, 98% will tell you that they sell & buy antiques overseas, this is a scam, BEWARE OF THIS !!!
For myself I have been to Match, Eharmony, ProfilePic, Mingle, MeetUp, Craigslist, there is so many different sites, they are all looking for Money or to have you send Mechandise.
For Myself I am, I have been searching for someone to share my life with from Online Dating, but I am very honest and truthful about myself and the information that I give. I have been taken by a few people online, with sending money.
Which I knew was wrong, but they were very convincing about thermselves and I sent the money, I won't say how much, but I will let you know I could have used that money for something good in my life.
I am a Single White Man Age 53, I live in Northern Minnesota and I have lived a single life and I never had a girlfriend, never had a sexual relationship with a woman, and I have never had kids.
I consider myself to be Honest, Open, Caring, Trustworthy, and I am very kind and I have been told by others that I am a very generous person.
I continue to search for someone, and I don't drink or smoke and I have a great job that I started in a grocery store 3 yrs ago, as to bagging groceries, I have moved up to being a Manager at this store now.
I own my home and I can't relocate and I live in the country and there is lots of fun and exciting things to do outside, many lakes in the area.
07-24-2015 03:55 PM
I would REALLY be reluctant to answer your call. Sounds too needy or worse, scam. I live in New Orleans, yeah, French Quarter, but I don't go there. I enjoy the gym, my Unity church, my young grandsons, and my two doggies, one which is 15 yrs old, has pancreatitis, says the vet, and may be dying. Anyway, it's summer everywhere, go outdoors, parks, riverwalk, malls, just walk through the neighborhood. Look up your local AARP, Council on Aging, United way, and volunteer. Better be careful here though. Good luck.
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