The House Bill Would Mean a Tax Hike for Millions of Seniors. Learn More

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Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,625
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 81 of 2,619 (664 Views)

The first credit card was issued in 1951 by Diner's Club to 200 customers who could use it in 27 restaurants in N.Y. 

 

The first advertisement for credit was placed in 1730 by Christopher Thornton, who offered furniture that could be paid off weekly.

 

 

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,625
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

[ Edited ]
Message 82 of 2,619 (664 Views)

If pro is the opposite of con...

 

Then what is the opposite of progress?

 

CONGRESS !

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,625
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 83 of 2,619 (670 Views)

Fighting for peace...

Is like screwing for virginity.

 

At a feast of ego,

Everyone leaves hungry.

 

It's hard to make a comeback

If you haven't been anywhere.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,625
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 84 of 2,619 (650 Views)

Remember it's not "How high are you?"

It's "Hi, how are you?"

 

Fighting for peace is like

screwing for virginity.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,625
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 85 of 2,619 (635 Views)

I drink coffee .....for your protection.

 

Instead of cleaning the house,

I just turn off the lights.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,625
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 86 of 2,619 (646 Views)

I've been trying a few "Cowboy Cookbook" recipies....

And I've got the saddle bags to prove it.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,625
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 87 of 2,619 (630 Views)

If your town has the same number of bars and churches....You might be from Maine.

 

You go to the dump and bring home more than you brought...

You might be from Maine.

 

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't even work there...

You might be from Maine.

 

If your Dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, ...You be be from Maine.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,625
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 88 of 2,619 (604 Views)

In a tiny village on the Irish coast, lived an old lady,a virgin, and very proud of it.

Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker ( who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final" arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone.

'BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN."

 

Not longer after, the old lady died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the limited amount of space available on the small piece of stone.

 

For days he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

 

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows:

 

"RETURNED UNOPENED"

 

 

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,625
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 89 of 2,619 (598 Views)

Your kids started using "wicked" as a mutipurpose part of speech.

 

You know a lobster pot is a trap, not a kettle.

 

You idea of a traffic jam is to be the second car at the stoplight.

 

You call that long sandwich an "Italian".

 

Your house converts to a B & B every July & August for people from away that you happen to know.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,625
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 90 of 2,619 (612 Views)

Passing school zone,

Take it slow...

let our little

Shavers grow.

 

 

 

Burma Shave