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Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,534
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 71 of 2,526 (637 Views)

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,534
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 72 of 2,526 (604 Views)

"The wedding ring is the smallest handcuff ever made.

Choose your cell mate wisely!"

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,534
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 73 of 2,526 (604 Views)

3-yr.old Reese:

 

"Our Father, Who does art in heaven,

Harold is His name."

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,534
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 74 of 2,526 (625 Views)

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them?

Why don't they put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

 

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what Chinese mothers use....   toothpicks?

 

Do Lipton Tea employees take "Coffee breaks?"

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,534
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 75 of 2,526 (580 Views)

A minister decided an unusual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

He placed 4 worms in separate jars.

 

The 1st in a jar of alcohol...

The second in a jar of smoke

The third in a jar of chocolate

And the fourth in a jar of good clean dirt.

 

The 1st died in the alcohol

The second died in the cigarette smoke.

The third died in the chocolate.

And the fourth remained alive and well.

 

He then asked the congregation what they learned from the lesson.

 

Maxine piped up , "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms." Smiley Wink

 

 

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,534
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 76 of 2,526 (572 Views)

Two little old ladies were sitting in a car in a used car lot. A policeman approached and asked what they were doing...

 

They said that they had bought the car. He asked why they didn't drive it away ?

 

They said they didn't drive......

 

But, they had been told that if they bought a car from that dealer they would get screwed, so they were waiting......

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,534
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 77 of 2,526 (576 Views)

"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished."

 

Lao Tzu

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,534
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 78 of 2,526 (579 Views)

"Doctor, my sister needs a second opinion."

"Of course, tell her to come back tomorrow."

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,534
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 79 of 2,526 (543 Views)

With a very seductive voice a wife asks her husband, "Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?"

 

"No," said her husband.

 

She gave him a sexy smile and unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.

 

He took the crumpled twenty from her and smiled approvingly.

 

She then asked "Have you ever seen Fifty dollars all crumpled up?"

 

"No, I haven't", he said with an anxious tone in his voice.

 

She unzipped her skirt and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill from her panties.

He took the fifty dollar bill.

 

"Now, " she said, "Have you ever seen $50,000 all crumpled up?"

 

"No way!"  he said even more curious as to what would happen.

 

She replied, "Go look in the garage."

 

 

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,534
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 80 of 2,526 (527 Views)

A minister decided an unusual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

He placed four worms ina separate jar..

 

The first in alcohol..

The second in smoke..

The third in chocolate..

The fourth in good clean soil.

 

The first one died in the alcohol

The second one died in the smoke

The third died in the chocolate

The fourth remained alive !

 

He then asked the congregation what they learned from the lesson...

 

Maxine piped up from the back of the room..

 

"I guess if you drink, smoke and eat chocolate..

You won't have worms."

 

That ended the service.