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Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,533
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 51 of 2,525 (379 Views)

Do not squander time...that is the stuff life is made of.

 

The hashest critics are those

who fear criticism.

 

If you choose the behavior,

you choose the consequences.

 

My body has dropped so fast,

my GYN wears a hard hat.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,533
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 52 of 2,525 (382 Views)

I finally fixed that annoying noise in my car...

I opened the door and kicked him out.Smiley Tongue

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,533
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

[ Edited ]
Message 53 of 2,525 (388 Views)

GET A 'LOAD' OF THESE:

 

You dump it, we'll pump it.

 

You sh-- it, we get it !

 

We haul milk on the weekends

 

Yesterdays meals on wheels.

 

Back off ! We ain't haulin milk.

 

Got poop?

 

Your # 2, is our # 1

 

Another load of Politician's promises.

 

Satisfaction or 110% of your product back

 

A flush beats a full house !

 

Turd burgular

 

CAUTION.... This truck contains Obama's stimulous package.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,533
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 54 of 2,525 (393 Views)

This just in from Trump Tower:

 

The NSA confirms that it wasn't a wire tap that was ordered, it was a baby monitor.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,533
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 55 of 2,525 (415 Views)

Quips by SouthWest airline hostesses:

 

Please close the bathroom door ...what happens in the bathroom, stays in the bathroom.

 

If you need anything, just look for the button above your head. One is a stressed out light bulb, and the other a woman who doesn't work here any more.

 

Place the oxygen mask over your nose and mouth and breathe for all your worth !

 

When landing:

 

"Whoa big boy, Whoa !"

 

No-No-Not yet... wait.... okay get out ! Smiley LOL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,533
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 56 of 2,525 (427 Views)

I do not like this Uncle Sam

I do not like his healthcare scam

I do not like those dirty crooks

Or how they lie and cook the books!

 

I do not like when Congress steals

I do not like their secret deals.

I do not like this speaker man,

I do not like him....yes we can !

 

I do not like their spending spree

I'm smart, I know that nothings free.

I do not like their smug replies

When I complain about their lies.

 

I do not like this kind of hope..

I do not like it nope,nope, nope !

 

 

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,533
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 57 of 2,525 (432 Views)

After stopping for drinks an an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting had escaped.

Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting a ride. he then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizare fantasies.

The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days !

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,533
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 58 of 2,525 (424 Views)

Guests descend like starving piranhas..

On your freshley baked lasagna..

Dirty every dish in sight,

But leave your larder clean and bright.

 

There you stand, your cesspool brimming...

Towels to wash from all their swimming.

Being told with all good cheer...

"Aren't you lucky living here!"

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,533
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 59 of 2,525 (448 Views)

M     is for the million things she gave me..

O     is only that she's growing old..

T     is for the tears she shed to save me..

H     is for her heart of purest gold.

E     is for her eyes with love-light shining.

R     is right, and right she'll always be...

 

Put them all together they spell MOTHER.. a word that means the world to me !

 

A very HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all Moms out there.. biological and otherwise. Heart

 

 

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,533
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 60 of 2,525 (477 Views)

The best babysitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods , which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.

 

Dave Barry