Call Your Senator at 844-222-0104 and Urge Them to Say No to the Graham-Cassidy Bill

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Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,581
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 41 of 2,573 (414 Views)

If your town has the same number of bars and churches....You might be from Maine.

 

You go to the dump and bring home more than you brought...

You might be from Maine.

 

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't even work there...

You might be from Maine.

 

If your Dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, ...You be be from Maine.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,581
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 42 of 2,573 (393 Views)

In a tiny village on the Irish coast, lived an old lady,a virgin, and very proud of it.

Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker ( who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final" arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone.

'BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN."

 

Not longer after, the old lady died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the limited amount of space available on the small piece of stone.

 

For days he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

 

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows:

 

"RETURNED UNOPENED"

 

 

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,581
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 43 of 2,573 (386 Views)

Your kids started using "wicked" as a mutipurpose part of speech.

 

You know a lobster pot is a trap, not a kettle.

 

You idea of a traffic jam is to be the second car at the stoplight.

 

You call that long sandwich an "Italian".

 

Your house converts to a B & B every July & August for people from away that you happen to know.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,581
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 44 of 2,573 (400 Views)

Passing school zone,

Take it slow...

let our little

Shavers grow.

 

 

 

Burma Shave

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,581
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 45 of 2,573 (397 Views)

I keep a nude painting of myself in my livineg room.

Laugh if you want, but it sure keeps company from dropping by.

 

 

 

 

 

Maxine

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,581
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 46 of 2,573 (403 Views)

Those two are a fastidious couple...She's fast and he's hideous.

 

 

 

 

 

Henny Youngman

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,581
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 47 of 2,573 (443 Views)

No matter the price

No matter how new

The best safety device

In the car is you.

 

 

Burma Shave

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,581
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 48 of 2,573 (471 Views)

When I read about the evils of drinking... I gave up reading.

 

 

 

 

Henny Youngman

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,581
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 49 of 2,573 (498 Views)

GO GREEN...............  RECYCLE CONGRESS !

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,581
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 50 of 2,573 (486 Views)

OBAM-A -LAMA - DING DONG...