Call Your Senator at 844-222-0104 and Urge Them to Say No to the Graham-Cassidy Bill

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Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,580
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 31 of 2,572 (348 Views)

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, muscians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,580
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 32 of 2,572 (366 Views)

Sign over one of the urinals:

 

EXPRESS LANE:

 

Five beers or less.

 

 

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,580
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 33 of 2,572 (400 Views)

Bill Clinton was paid 12 million dollars for his memoirs..

Hillary was paid 8 million for hers..

 

That's 20 million dollars from two people who for 8 years repeatedly testified under oath that they could not remember anything !

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,580
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 34 of 2,572 (417 Views)

The first credit card was issued in 1951 by Diner's Club to 200 customers who could use it in 27 restaurants in N.Y. 

 

The first advertisement for credit was placed in 1730 by Christopher Thornton, who offered furniture that could be paid off weekly.

 

 

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,580
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

[ Edited ]
Message 35 of 2,572 (437 Views)

If pro is the opposite of con...

 

Then what is the opposite of progress?

 

CONGRESS !

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,580
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 36 of 2,572 (443 Views)

Fighting for peace...

Is like screwing for virginity.

 

At a feast of ego,

Everyone leaves hungry.

 

It's hard to make a comeback

If you haven't been anywhere.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,580
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 37 of 2,572 (426 Views)

Remember it's not "How high are you?"

It's "Hi, how are you?"

 

Fighting for peace is like

screwing for virginity.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,580
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 38 of 2,572 (413 Views)

I drink coffee .....for your protection.

 

Instead of cleaning the house,

I just turn off the lights.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,580
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 39 of 2,572 (419 Views)

I've been trying a few "Cowboy Cookbook" recipies....

And I've got the saddle bags to prove it.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,580
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 40 of 2,572 (413 Views)

If your town has the same number of bars and churches....You might be from Maine.

 

You go to the dump and bring home more than you brought...

You might be from Maine.

 

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't even work there...

You might be from Maine.

 

If your Dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, ...You be be from Maine.