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Valued Social Butterfly

Re: Re: Re: Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

3,629 Views
Message 2631 of 2,643

In Response to Re: Re: Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

AN ARAB STUDENT SENDS AN E-MAIL TO HIS DAD.....

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here... but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB, when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train...

Your son, Nasser

The next day, Nasser gets a reply from his dad.

My dear loving son,

Twenty million US dollars has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go get yourself a train too!

Love, your Dad   

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Gold Conversationalist

Looking for love in all the wrong places???

3,616 Views
Message 2632 of 2,643

In Response to: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

One night, after a couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her? husband??? was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back

He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.

Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other.

His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.

His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.

By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.

The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

"Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.

He whispered back, "I found the remote




 

 

 

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Valued Social Butterfly

Re: Re: Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

3,661 Views
Message 2633 of 2,643

In Response to Re: Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Why is it after I push one for English, I still can't understand the person on the other end???

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Valued Social Butterfly

Re: Re: Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

5,557 Views
Message 2634 of 2,643

In Response to Re: Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Maxine says :

A man without a woman, is a bachelor.....

A woman without a man, is a genius!         

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Valued Social Butterfly

Re: Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

5,648 Views
Message 2635 of 2,643

The kids filed back into class on Monday morning. They were very excited.

Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off, "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30." she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:  "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny." said the teacher.

Eventually it was little Johnny's turn (you remember him don't cha?)

The teacher held her breath.........

Little Johny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk..."$2,467," he said !

"$2,467,!"  cried the teacher. "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes."   said little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher. "How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town." said little Johnny, "and set up a chip & dip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

"They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog s *** !"

"Then I would say, "it is dog s***. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"   

"I used the governmental approach of giving you something s***** for free, and then making you pay to get the s***** tase out of your mouth.:

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Gold Conversationalist

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

5,753 Views
Message 2636 of 2,643
Two fellows from the deep South were sitting around talking one afternoon. After a while the first fellow says to the second, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday and have sex with your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The second fellow crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about that, but it sure would make us even."

In Response to SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 

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Valued Social Butterfly

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

5,769 Views
Message 2637 of 2,643

In Response to SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 

A man and wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their kids, all very successful, all agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

"Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad" gushed son number one, a surgeon. "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

"Not to worry," said the father, the important thing is that we're all together today."

Son number two, a lawyer, arrived and announced "You and Mom look great Dad." I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you.: "It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."

Just then the daughter, a marketing executive, arrived. "Hello and Happy Anniversary!  I'm sorry but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing, so I didn't have time to get you anything."

After they finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you all for a long time."

"You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew we loved each other, but we just never found the time to get married."....

The three children gasped and all said, "You mean were bastards?"

"Yep," said the father. "And cheap ones too!"       

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Valued Social Butterfly

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

5,843 Views
Message 2638 of 2,643

An 8 yr. old says to his Grandma..... "Gram, you know how to make a tissue dance?"

"No, sweetie, how do you make a tissue dance?" asked his Grandma.

To this he replied, ..."You put a little Boogey in it !"     

 

 

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Valued Social Butterfly

Re: Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

5,851 Views
Message 2639 of 2,643

Welcome Shelby !     Thanks for my smile this morning... a ring of truth to that one huh!?   LOL  Have a nice day.   

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Valued Social Butterfly

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

5,868 Views
Message 2640 of 2,643

Frank always looked on the bright side...He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstances, he would always reply, "It could have been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank coould find no hope in it.

On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom?" He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself.!  "

"That's awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse.".....

"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend. "Could it have been worse?"

"Well, " replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I'd be dead now.!"  

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