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SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

I met a fairy today that would grant me 1 wish 

I want to meet him also. lol      just-nell 

 

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

I met a fairy today that would grant me one wish....

"I want to live forever." I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that !"

"Fine," I said, "I want to die after the Democrats get their heads out of their a$$es!"

"You crafty !*@%*!, " said the fairy.    

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

American Lindsay Vonn, has to forfeit her gold medal. The International Olympic Committee announced today that it has taken back the gold medal and given it to US President Barack Obama.

Olympic Officials said Obama deserved the medal more than Vonn because no one has ever gone down hill faster than he has.

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Three little old ladies were attending a rather lonnnnng church service....

One leaned over and whispered, "My butt's going to sleep!"

"I know," replied the other, "I heard it snore three times !"   

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

MAXINE SAYS:

"They hold elections in November, because it's the best time for picking out a turkey."

"How's this for a political platform? Don't lie through your teeth !"

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Two Alabama rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come to a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.

The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom . I wonder how deep it is."

The second humter says, "I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

The first hunter says, "There's this old automobile transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see." So they pick it up and carry it over, and count,and two and three, and throw it in the hole....

They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the bushes, run up to the hole and with no hesitation, jump in head first.

While they standing there looking at each other, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up. "Say there," the farmer says, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here did you?

The first hunter says, "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunnert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"

The old farmer said, "That's impossible. I had him chained to a transmission!"

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A flea goes to a travel agent in NYC and says, "I have a week off . What kind of vacation can you set me up with? I'd like to go somewhere warm and sunny."

The agent says, "Oh, I have just the vacation spot for you! Ringo Starr's hair ... he's going to the Carribean, you'll love it."

Four days later the flea returns looking disgusted. That's not for me, he never leaves his room, just sits and plays music and never goes out. I want to be outside !"

"I know," says the travel agent," how about Monte Carlo in Omar Shariff's mustache?'  "Okay I'll give it a try" says the flea.

Three days later he's back.... " Nah!  He never leaves his room either, and he smokes..ugh!!" I want to be outside in the sun!"

The agent replies, "I just had a cancellation...how about Cannes in Bridget Bardot's muff?"  The flea perks up, "That sounds terrific, I'll take it!"

Four days later he's back.....  The travel agent says, "WHAT?...... didn't you like it?"   The flea responded, "Hell yes, it was the best vacation I ever had. We laid out in the sun listening to music all warm and cozy. It was great!"

"Then why are you back?? asked the agent.

"It was terrific at first, but in three days I was back in Omar Shariff's mustache!"    

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 

AS YOU SLIDE DOWN THE BANNISTER OF LIFE, MAY NONE OF THE SPLINTERS BE POINTED IN THE WRONG DIRECTION...    

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name. He replied, "She called, Five Horses".

The man said, "That's an unusual name, what does it mean?"

The old Indian answered.....................

"It mean... nag,nag,nag,nag,nag. "       

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

posted at 09/18/2010 06:52:43 AM CDT

 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A crusty old golfer ....love it

  LOL Graphic #20

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2

That coffee is going down really good this a.m. Nell, in my new mug !   LOL

Have a nice weekend

Bonnie

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room.

As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER;  $2.00

HAMBURGER; $ 2.25

CHEESEBURGER; $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH; $3.50

HAND JOB;  $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.

She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide knowing smile. "May I help you?"

The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers..."I was wondering, young lady, " he whispers "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs..."Yes, Sir. I sure am."

The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear he says softly, ..............

"Well, wash your hands real good because I want a cheeseburger."       

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

MAXINE SAYS:

"I'm starting to wonder how bad 4 years with no President would be?"   

now thats funny... lol

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

MAXINE SAYS:

"I'm starting to wonder how bad 4 years with no President would be?"

"God must love stupid people, He made so many of them..."

"Earth is the insane asylum for the Universe."

"The journey of a thousand miles, begins with a cash advance."

"The original 'point and click' was a Smith and Wesson."     

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 
RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY
posted at 09/16/2010 04:33:42 AM CDT

 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

I flunked my Biology exam last Friday 

I think i tinkled my pants lol at this one

 

one,Bonnie C10 coffee cup ! coming soon

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

I flunked my Biology exam last Friday.....

I was asked to name two things commonly found in a cell.

Apparently African Americans and Mexicans were not the correct answer....

Damn, and I thought I nailed that one !  

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2

Great idea...then we can have coffee together...

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In Response to RE "Why the long face?" by J0yce1

Welcome Joyce.....

Have a great day, and thanks for posting

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 In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

xBonnie C10  do you want your name on a cup? just say ok and I will make you one   nell

 here is your sign a good one lol

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 
A guy walks into a bar. A horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, "What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?" The guy says, "Honestly, no. I never thought the parrot would sell the place."
 
 
 
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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

HERE'S YOUR SIGN......

 

SEPTIC TRUCK:

            "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"

 

PLUMBER'S TRUCK:

             "We repair what your hubby fixed."

 

ELECTRICIAN'S TRUCK :

                "Let us remove your shorts."

 

RESTAURANT WINDOW:

"Don't just stand there and be hungry, come on in and be fed up."

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2

 

Good morning, Nell.....

Gotta love that cup ! 

Have a great day, thanks for posting.    

 

Bonnie

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by J0yce1

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows are talking.  lol  a good one Bonnie

 How do you like new coffee cup

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

I enjoyed the laughs! 

 

Another oldie, but still funny..??

 

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.

Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car . . a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner . . A marvellous dinner - lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show .. let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"

Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! . . . So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"

Edna: "No, no, no . . . I'm just saying, wear an old dress.
 
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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Female Pharmacist to customer:

 

"Is it the ball-type deoderant you want ,Sir?"

Customer:

"Oh no, miss... it's for my under arms."

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Bonnie         

A couple had been married for 50 years  cute! 

          LOL Graphic #23

                     

                     

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A couple had been married for 50 years..

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together!"

"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago."....

"Well, " snickered Granny, "Let's relive some old times."

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey", the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps...."One's in your coffee, and the other is in your oatmeal!"      

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2

Hi Nell,   Sorry to remind you, we're aging right along with the grand kids..LOL

Thanks for posting !   

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Did you have to remind me-Grandparents Day- 

Sooner or Later.
A repeat offender with a long criminal record was brought before the judge. Judge asks "Have you ever stole things?" Thief: Oh, now and then I suppose. Judge: And where have you stolen these things? Thief: Oh, here and there. Judge: Right then! Lock him up, officer. Thief: Hey Judge, when do I get out jail 
Judge: Oh, sooner or later.

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In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 

        HAPPY GRANDPARENTS DAY !  

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