AARP’s New Video Explains the Perils of the Health Care Bill in Storybook Fashion. Watch Here

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Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,530
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 1 of 2,522 (34 Views)

You only take a bath when it rains....

 

Anytime your kids see a dog, they get out their ropes and lasso it and tackle it to the ground.

 

Your gun cabinet takes up half of your living room.

 

You save old kitchen appliances for children's Christmas presents.

 

Your master bathroom has the words "Porta" and "potty" written on the side.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,530
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 2 of 2,522 (44 Views)

Actual GED test questions and results administered to 16 yr.olds:

 

Q.    What is a terminal illness?

A.    When you are sick at the airport.

 

Q.    What is a turbine?

A.     Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.

 

Q.      What does the word "benign ' mean?

A.       Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,530
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 3 of 2,522 (54 Views)

SWIFT truck that's slow, equals........

 

OXY**bleep**

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Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,530
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 4 of 2,522 (63 Views)

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

 

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

 

How do you know when you run out of invisible ink?

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,530
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 5 of 2,522 (80 Views)

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism , to steal from many is research.

 

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

 

I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

 

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

 

 

 

 

 

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,530
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 6 of 2,522 (90 Views)

Last night I left my dentures under my pillow. The tooth fairy must have come because she left me a pile of Monopoly money with a note that read... "Nice try."

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,530
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 7 of 2,522 (104 Views)

"Don't worry about avoiding temptation.. As you grow older, it will avoid you."

 

 

Sir Winston Churchill

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,530
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 8 of 2,522 (113 Views)

A man goes to a psychiatrist.. The doctor says,  "You're crazy!" The man says, "I want a second opinion."   "Okay, you're ugly too !"

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,530
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 9 of 2,522 (120 Views)

Apparently the WH didn't get the memo:

 

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 3,530
Registered: ‎01-24-2008

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Message 10 of 2,522 (143 Views)

If it's true we are here to help others, then what exactly are they here for?