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Gold Conversationalist
Posts: 72
Registered: ‎12-07-2008

Re: Elderly respect

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Message 1 of 12 (772 Views)

I would just be direct and honest because it sounds like no one has yet, but I would also try to think about why they are "forgetting" these visits?  Do you do anything to make the visit pleasant for them, do you serve lunch or snacks? Granted, respect for elders is how I was taught too, but let's face it....sometimes it's just downright boring to visit grandparents and older people.  You said you almost always have them to your home; are you able to meet at a restaurant, go for a movie, shopping, or what if you went by their homes and brought pizza?  Sometimes it helps to set time limits, say 30 min to an hour so they can plan the rest of their day around a visit with you.  How about breakfast?  I have found the best way to set up a visit is to meet for breakfast or have breakfast here on weekends.  It leaves the rest of the day for them to do errands, chores or their own thing.  Drag 'em out of bed!

amcoffiebean
Treasured Social Butterfly
Posts: 19,552
Registered: ‎12-25-2011

Re: Elderly respect

Message 2 of 12 (902 Views)

@annetteneysmith - With AARP's Online Community, even if you "respond" to a specific post, when that post shows up there's nothing linking it to that post, or identifying to whom it's being addressed. So if a discussion has had multiple participants, or continued for a while, it's best to address it to a specific individual, unless it's a general comment.

 

So when I began this post, I typed the @ sign, and a drop-down list appeared, with the names of the people who'd participated in the discussion. If you click on the person to whom you're responding, their name will show up in your post. If they have their account set up for e-mail notifications, they will also be notified that someone responded specifically to one of their posts.


Registered on Online Community since 2007!
Info Seeker
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎05-24-2013

Re: Elderly respect

Message 3 of 12 (942 Views)

Do you have an active social life outside of your family? I know you want to be close with them, yet they don't seem to have any respect for you time. Seems like your time isn't valuable. I suggest you try to join groups that do activities together, try to develop a social life outside of your family. Be busy having fun doing what you like to do. I remember I use to always make the arrangements to meet up with a friend that I considered a sister. Yet I didn't get the feeling she thought that my time was valuable, she wouldn't show up on time and then didn't show up at all. That was very telling so I voiced my discontent and moved on. Are you able to get out without family intervention. Or are you stuck at home and only able to get out and enjoy yourself with their participation? It's not too late to find a friend or buddy your can bond with and do things together.

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Treasured Social Butterfly
Posts: 19,552
Registered: ‎12-25-2011

Re: Elderly respect

Message 4 of 12 (2,114 Views)

nyadrn wrote:


There are people who are always disorganized and then there are people who are just thoughtless and your friend would fall into the second catagory for me.  First of all because she did not think to ask if you would like to join her for dinner before the show and second because she didn't forget to call  you, she just did not.  What would she have done if the lights were off and you were not home when she finally arrived and she had to return home. Then when she called you, you said that since you had not heard from her you assumed she was not coming and went on your own.   I don't know if I could do it.. could you?  

 


The situation was that she was invited down to see a show, have dinner & stay overnight. Other times she's had a late breakfast, and just had a nosh when she got to my house .. and we'd have dinner out after the show. Had she called before she left home & said she hadn't had breakfast, but would stop on the way down, and be 45 minutes late (plenty early for us to leave to the show), that would be have fine .. and I would have grabbed a bite myself. But she didn't call, and then she wasn't hungry, while I was famished by the end of the play. As long as she got to my house before I had told her we'd head out to the theater, it would have been hard to leave early by myself, and it would have really have damaged the relationship.


Registered on Online Community since 2007!
Treasured Social Butterfly
Posts: 36,252
Registered: ‎02-27-2008

Re: Elderly respect

Message 5 of 12 (2,117 Views)

jd95204317 wrote:

I am in the exact situation...one daughter...three granddaughters and they do the very same thing concerning our 'dates'.  I am so sad that they don't place value on my hurt feelings when they don't show up or are dramatically late.  I raised my daughter with strong family values as well as my 'grands' so have a very hard time 'getting a grip' on this obvious lack of respect.  What should I do to improve this?  Also, sometimes if we make plans but then something else comes up for them they will 'opt out' of our original plans thus leaving me with the feeling that I am certainly not a priority in their lives.  I have done nothing to deserve this type of behavior and have always been there for ALL of them...which I might mention they tell me frequently how much they appreciate this.....any suggestions would be greatly appreciated......AAARRRGGGHHH  


So what do you do about it now?  Whatever you have been doing obviously has not changed things.  Have you been direct and honest with them?  Have you told them how they make you feel?  Talk is easy, but actions are telling.  When they don't come, are you able to go without them?   I know I sound "mean" but allowimg people to treat you with disrepect just teaches them that it is ok.. that grandma doesn't mind. But she does.

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
Treasured Social Butterfly
Posts: 36,252
Registered: ‎02-27-2008

Re: Elderly respect

Message 6 of 12 (2,120 Views)

mimi0000 wrote:
Bug them for two days before,,,, emails, phone messages.. .. don't let them get away with forgetting. If you give them money or gifts... the next time tell them you just forgot.
That will teach them a lesson.

I totally disagree with this.  If I am not important enough for my son or family to remember on their own then I don't mean that much to them or I have allowed them to treat me with disrespect and I would not tolerate either and I would not email call and text repeatedly to remind them.  JMHI.

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
Treasured Social Butterfly
Posts: 36,252
Registered: ‎02-27-2008

Re: Elderly respect

Message 7 of 12 (2,121 Views)

ASTRAEA wrote:

I second Nyadrn's post & suggestion! And I would do that with friends as well.

 

A few weeks ago, a friend was coming to visit for the weekend.  We spoke the day before & she told me what time she planned to leave home & get to my house; important because I was driving us to the theater & had the tickets. That morning she didn't show up, nor did I hear from her, so I finally called her cell when she was 40 minutes late. She said she was "at the diner" right near me .. so I thought she had just passed that point, and was around the corner from me. Then she clarified that she was AT the diner having a bite to eat. I said I was glad she wasn't in an accident or caught up in traffic, but I don't think she really apologized. Then it took her another 20 minutes to finish, and drive the 3 minutes to my house. I said I was upset that even if she was hungry, she knew she'd be very late, but didn't bother to call me .. although she called her daughter, to let her know she'd gotten down here OK. Her response was, "Now that you've yelled at me (I didn't yell), how about a hug?" It took a while to get over it. I think that next time I have to be very clear what time she plans to be AT my house, because when she leaves home is meaningless, if she stops along the way.


There are people who are always disorganized and then there are people who are just thoughtless and your friend would fall into the second catagory for me.  First of all because she did not think to ask if you would like to join her for dinner before the show and second because she didn't forget to call  you, she just did not.  What would she have done if the lights were off and you were not home when she finally arrived and she had to return home. Then when she called you, you said that since you had not heard from her you assumed she was not coming and went on your own.   I don't know if I could do it.. could you?  

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
Bronze Conversationalist
Posts: 17
Registered: ‎03-19-2015

Re: Elderly respect

Message 8 of 12 (2,133 Views)

I am in the exact situation...one daughter...three granddaughters and they do the very same thing concerning our 'dates'.  I am so sad that they don't place value on my hurt feelings when they don't show up or are dramatically late.  I raised my daughter with strong family values as well as my 'grands' so have a very hard time 'getting a grip' on this obvious lack of respect.  What should I do to improve this?  Also, sometimes if we make plans but then something else comes up for them they will 'opt out' of our original plans thus leaving me with the feeling that I am certainly not a priority in their lives.  I have done nothing to deserve this type of behavior and have always been there for ALL of them...which I might mention they tell me frequently how much they appreciate this.....any suggestions would be greatly appreciated......AAARRRGGGHHH  

apples n oranges
Super Social Butterfly
Posts: 751
Registered: ‎06-28-2008

Re: Elderly respect

Message 9 of 12 (2,149 Views)
Bug them for two days before,,,, emails, phone messages.. .. don't let them get away with forgetting. If you give them money or gifts... the next time tell them you just forgot.
That will teach them a lesson.
Treasured Social Butterfly
Posts: 19,552
Registered: ‎12-25-2011

Re: Elderly respect

Message 10 of 12 (2,815 Views)

I second Nyadrn's post & suggestion! And I would do that with friends as well.

 

A few weeks ago, a friend was coming to visit for the weekend.  We spoke the day before & she told me what time she planned to leave home & get to my house; important because I was driving us to the theater & had the tickets. That morning she didn't show up, nor did I hear from her, so I finally called her cell when she was 40 minutes late. She said she was "at the diner" right near me .. so I thought she had just passed that point, and was around the corner from me. Then she clarified that she was AT the diner having a bite to eat. I said I was glad she wasn't in an accident or caught up in traffic, but I don't think she really apologized. Then it took her another 20 minutes to finish, and drive the 3 minutes to my house. I said I was upset that even if she was hungry, she knew she'd be very late, but didn't bother to call me .. although she called her daughter, to let her know she'd gotten down here OK. Her response was, "Now that you've yelled at me (I didn't yell), how about a hug?" It took a while to get over it. I think that next time I have to be very clear what time she plans to be AT my house, because when she leaves home is meaningless, if she stops along the way.


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