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Info Seeker
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎07-24-2010

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 31 of 70 (3,393 Views)

Only you can know and understand your personal grief experience. Yes, there are some "common" feelings and experiences we all have when a loved one dies, but, we all journey somewhat differnt and paths may vary at times. I read your post and was very moved by it because I am with a loving spouse and cannot imagine life wthout her. We both have worke wth a local Hspice and know much about death and dying. I am currently with a couple other facillitators running grief support groups and I encourage anyone, yourself as well, to be involved in a group setting because you can grow from it as well as helping someone else in their journey. God Bless you on your walk and I would hpe the Lord is yur strength. Larry

Info Seeker
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎08-03-2015

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 32 of 70 (3,395 Views)

Thank you for your post. It was very comforting. My husband went to be with The Lord in 2007. I was in that "fog of grief" for several years. The fog is lifting but the pain still lingers though not as regular. I am attending a new church and I thank GOD every moment of my days for not letting go of me. In reading your post, it help me by discovering someone HUMAN (not so deeply spiritual) who also struggled with the death of someone who was literally a part of them. I am still living life one day at a time with God's guidance. I know I will get through this...

I wish you well and that God will continue to use you to His glory. 

Info Seeker
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎04-26-2016

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 33 of 70 (3,369 Views)

You're never really alone Even though it may feel like it. Keep reaching beyond the break in that rope and hold on to God's unchanging hand, he's got you.

Info Seeker +
Posts: 3
Registered: ‎12-18-2010

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 34 of 70 (3,506 Views)
Infoseeker
March, 2016, your pain is still very raw. My wife passed away in April, 2016. I went through this darkness that is hard to describe to someone unless you have gone through it yourself. It is real and physical pain, except it comes from your heart. I was in this abyss and I didn't want to come out of it. Thank God for my wife's sister. We both went through this nightmare and she would not relent and she pulled me out of it. Peer counseling may be a help if there isn't a family member who is willing to walk with you. However, regardless of all the friends and family, when I go to bed at night I sleep next to an empty pillow that had someone on it for the last 43 years. This pain I feel every night. There are mostly memories that trigger my grieving pain. I recall our intimate moments, such as, after weeks of being in the hospital in pain and on pain killers, my wife turned to me and said, "I am so sorry Hon, but I can't take this pain anymore, I want to die.". And at her moment of death, she opened her eyes and looked at me surprised. Her eyes then stopped seeing as her spirit departed. We have wounds in our heart that will never completely heal, but with time, the fog of grief will lift and we will begin to remember the happy times more than the sad. But we will have to learn to move on with that scar in our heart. My wife would say that God has plans laid out for everyone. Ours was to care for our loving spouses from the day we walked them out of the church as husband and wife until the day we walked them into the church to say our final farewell. Our mission is complete, but that doesn't mean that God doesn't have other things for us to do. I will finish my grieving eventually and I will get up and say, " What else do you have for me father." And I will move on to my next endeavor, maybe Haiti! God will guide me. God bless and guide you through this darkness. And bless your wife for shedding away all her pain and returning home. She's looking at you now. She is very thankful for all you did, but she would want you to move on and find happiness. God be with you.
Info Seeker
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎04-30-2016

Re: Talking with others about grief

[ Edited ]
Message 35 of 70 (3,354 Views)

chapulin1016 

i talk to that empty pillow too! I feel ya

Info Seeker
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎04-30-2016

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 36 of 70 (3,327 Views)

alky31


I lost my soulmate of 11 1/2 years on March 10 2016.She was52 and had bad health since her teen years.She had just received a kidney transplant when we got together.So i was also her caretaker.During the last few years her health was failing,and went back on dialysis.She did a treatment at night so i helped.She kept getting UTIs and couldn't shake them.Then came the dvts. In and out of hospital since Dec 2015.When I took her to the er on Jan 19th she never returned home! When discharged she went to a rehab hospital.What a joke!She ended up in ICU in mid Feb on a vent.Got off awhile then back on.she couldn't breathe more than a few seconds,they told us.We [me n her mom] decided to remove the vent and let her go.The drs never told us that she could live for DAYS!The family went that day expecting peace for her,but she fought for 2 1/2 days b4 passing. I'm completely devastated still,crying as i type.I've cried every day since Feb.Anyone else going thru similar things? Its just me n our dog ,who misses his momma also! alky31

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Registered: ‎12-18-2010

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 37 of 70 (3,348 Views)

Gazellen3

What do I miss most about my wife?  I miss her presence and support.  As she got more and more I'll, I would sit next to her and hold her hand.  We would discuss future plans, even though in our hearts we knew the end was near.  I miss holding her hand and her reassurance that everything is going to be all right.  Now I am alone, because as much as my friends and family help me, in the end, when I go to bed at night, I say, "Good night baby, I love you." to an empty pillow.

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Posts: 4
Registered: ‎03-19-2009

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 38 of 70 (3,030 Views)

Whether you are new to grief, or have been living with it a lifetime, I agree that it can be equally challenging. So glad that you gained some comfort by sharing your grief in this community. And, you can continue to share, and see if others are dealing with some of the same issues. Family relationships can always be sticky, as there is no blueprint for how to share grief - it is very personal. Respect for the process is fundamental for getting through it. I love that you are laughing at some of the happy times as well. As humans, we are all flawed, so each family has stories that can be shared that demonstrate the uniqueness of each person's relationship with the deceased. What do you miss most about your wife? 

Frequent Social Butterfly
Posts: 262
Registered: ‎05-04-2011

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 39 of 70 (3,008 Views)

mg50694312 wrote:

Bereavement counseling was offered to me but I declined.  My sister in law and I were devastated by my wife's death and we gave support to each other through the worst.  We are now out of the painful sorrow and into daily routines.  When things arise and I remember the things my wife used say and do, instead of melancholy, I say, "I love you hon".  I say that quite a few times a day.  I was very lucky that I had my sister in law to walk through this with me.  

  How do you confront grief as a preventative, encourage communication between family members.  Bring them closer together and eliminate the issues that caused the division of the family, forgiveness of the patient and between all family members is the best blessing a dying person can receive for a smooth transition into heaven.  Real forgiveness and faith in God is the best solution to grief.

Prior to my wife going into the hospital, a childhood friend of hers who was also a nun, prayed a Catholic prayer, The Chaplet of the Divine Mercy.  As directed, I prayed this prayer at the moment of her passing.  Either psychological to the nonbelievers or because of this prayer, everyone hugged and prayed along with me and made my wife's transition into something peaceful and beautiful.  Silly old grievances have disappeared.  Everyone is talking again and remembering their love for my wife and all the crazy stuff they did together.  She told me she was studying to be a nun when I met her so her faith was absolute.  God has other plans sometimes.  The family coming together is the best blessing my wife could have received and I have 47 years of memories to cherish and be grateful for.

_________________________

This is so beautiful, such a beautiful, and heartbreaking, image.

Thank you so much for sharing. And cherishing your wife and family.

 

Jane

 

Conversationalist
Posts: 8
Registered: ‎01-27-2016

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 40 of 70 (3,063 Views)

Bereavement counseling was offered to me but I declined.  My sister in law and I were devastated by my wife's death and we gave support to each other through the worst.  We are now out of the painful sorrow and into daily routines.  When things arise and I remember the things my wife used say and do, instead of melancholy, I say, "I love you hon".  I say that quite a few times a day.  I was very lucky that I had my sister in law to walk through this with me.  

  How do you confront grief as a preventative, encourage communication between family members.  Bring them closer together and eliminate the issues that caused the division of the family, forgiveness of the patient and between all family members is the best blessing a dying person can receive for a smooth transition into heaven.  Real forgiveness and faith in God is the best solution to grief.

Prior to my wife going into the hospital, a childhood friend of hers who was also a nun, prayed a Catholic prayer, The Chaplet of the Divine Mercy.  As directed, I prayed this prayer at the moment of her passing.  Either psychological to the nonbelievers or because of this prayer, everyone hugged and prayed along with me and made my wife's transition into something peaceful and beautiful.  Silly old grievances have disappeared.  Everyone is talking again and remembering their love for my wife and all the crazy stuff they did together.  She told me she was studying to be a nun when I met her so her faith was absolute.  God has other plans sometimes.  The family coming together is the best blessing my wife could have received and I have 47 years of memories to cherish and be grateful for.