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Frequent Social Butterfly
Posts: 261
Registered: ‎05-04-2011

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 1 of 70 (4,418 Views)

AARPTeri wrote:

@m592753c  We are so sorry for your loss and know that must be hard.  There are several diffeent organizations that offer grief support in your area.  Doing a quick search in google this page was provided - https://www.griefshare.org/countries/us/states/nc/cities/asheville - or this number for Grief Support Services of Mountain Area Hospice - 828-255-0231.  If others can recommend services please do so.

 

You are also welcome to post here we have exeprts willing to help you on your journey.


Teri is right on the money.

 

The other thing i'd do is see if there are any bereavement support groups in area churches or other places of worship which are open to the public. Or at a public library. You just never know. Asheville is supposed to be an amazing place, warm, creative, full of life. Google "Asheville NC" and either grief support or bereavement support and see what you find.

 

Are there other groups you belong to? Like League of Women Voters, or a neighborhood group? Sometimes you can start your own group. "Anyone else out there who've lost a loved one? Want to gather for coffee and support once a month? Make new friends. ...

 

You'd have to be an extrovert to pull that off, but maybe you are one... Just a thought.

 

It is a dark time of year. I hope there are other ways you can support yourself, perhaps with a therapeutic massage, a trip to a lovely place, time with a close friend. Tell us how it works out, what you found. We're all learning.

 

Jane

Info Seeker
Posts: 4
Registered: ‎05-16-2014

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 2 of 70 (4,426 Views)

I thought about not decorating for Christmas this year, but then decided to at least put up the Christmas tree.  Now I am glad I did.  When we would travel we bought Christmas orniments. Our kids and grand kids would send us an ornament each year  that signified something important in their lives. I was putting the orniments on the tree it brought back good memories. One orniment was from our grand daughter.  When she was around 10 and we had taken the grand kids camping.  She found an orniment that is a smore.  There were orniments from our kids graduating from college. The memories that came back were so good.  I felt sad that he is no longer here to enjoy this season, but I am handling it much better than I thougt possible.    I also think going to the hospice group I am now in has been a great help.  Still on a roller coaster sometimes,  but less and less. 

SandyC
Info Seeker
Posts: 4
Registered: ‎05-16-2014

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 3 of 70 (4,432 Views)

The holidays are hard enough to get through with all the stress, then to add the loss of someone you love and to see your mom, go down hill it has to be extremely hard for you.  I am praying for your comfort.  You know it is never too late to go back to college and finish what you didnt finish before.  There are all kinds of options available now. 

SandyC
Info Seeker
Posts: 4
Registered: ‎05-16-2014

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 4 of 70 (4,440 Views)

I am going to a group at the Hospice center.  It has really helped.  Check with the local Hospice groups there. 

SandyC
Community Manager
Posts: 1,489
Registered: ‎10-09-2007

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 5 of 70 (4,449 Views)

@m592753c  We are so sorry for your loss and know that must be hard.  There are several diffeent organizations that offer grief support in your area.  Doing a quick search in google this page was provided - https://www.griefshare.org/countries/us/states/nc/cities/asheville - or this number for Grief Support Services of Mountain Area Hospice - 828-255-0231.  If others can recommend services please do so.

 

You are also welcome to post here we have exeprts willing to help you on your journey.

AARPTeri
Info Seeker
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎12-14-2016

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 6 of 70 (4,456 Views)

My husband of 31 years passed on 11/9/2016. I want to find a widow/widower support group where I can talk with people who are grieving the loss of their spouse in the Asheville, NC, area.  Does anyone have any suggestions??

Conversationalist
Posts: 5
Registered: ‎07-04-2010

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 7 of 70 (4,531 Views)

Kyle so sorry for taking so long to reply. I really do understand how you feel. It's so familiar. Almost seems impossible to pull yourself out of that hole. While in the hole, suicide seems to come to mind pretty easily. My father hung himself at age of 58. I have thought about it a lot and it's usually when I just feel so alone and insecure. I wonder if I think about it more because of my dad, but maybe not. It just feels like the only answer to get that awful feeling to go away. I'm so glad to see you reaching out though. It's scary to be alone and talking here is safe and anonymous. It's seems so easy to focus on all the bad things in our life. Why is it hard to focus on being happy?  Shouldn't that be easy too?  I don't know if I'm even making sense. I was impressed with Janes response. She seems to have made it thru something and come out a better person. How can that be?  It's impossible to see right now. Time is our enemy. i pray you find some peace in your day, every day. Tammie

Frequent Social Butterfly
Posts: 261
Registered: ‎05-04-2011

Re: Talking with others about grief

[ Edited ]
Message 8 of 70 (4,646 Views)

@k919061g

Kyle,

Of course someone will respond. This is a caring community, and now i care about you.  How about telling the therapist just how cruddy you're feeling? He can't really help you if you don't tell the truth. You're feeling lower than whale **bleep**, and part of the depression you're in the midst of is that you are wearing the opposite of rose colored glasses. Everything about your life looks horrible. This is a distortion. Which is part of the illness of depression. Your illness is making you think so darkly and hopelessly about everything. 

 

Please talk to your therapist. And if you are feeling like you really want to do something to harm yourself, no matter how vague, then you can call the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or go to an emergency room and tell them you are having suicidal thoughts. You will be evaluated and options will be presented to you.

 

You are worth the effort. 

 

This is one of the tests that might be administered: http://www.agencymeddirectors.wa.gov/files/AssessmentTools/14-PHQ-9%20overview.pdf   Take the test yourself and score it. Then tell your therapist.

 

Kyle, you might be isolating yourself. You are experiencing loss and you're anticipating losses that have not yet occurred. You may be questioning your purpose, questioning who would miss you, questioning whether you make a difference to anyone or anything. I don't even know you but I say without hesitation that you have a purpose, many more would miss you than you can imagine, and of course you make a difference. 

 

So please write some more. Please get more help. Please believe in yourself with just a little more energy, and take care of yourself.

 

Jane

who's been there.

Community Manager
Posts: 1,489
Registered: ‎10-09-2007

Re: Talking with others about grief

[ Edited ]
Message 9 of 70 (4,653 Views)

@k919061g  Kyle - we take posts like this very seriously.  If you are having these thoughts we strongly recommend you contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Phone Number 1-800-273-8255.  This number provides free and confidential professional emotional support.
AARPTeri
Conversationalist
Posts: 6
Registered: ‎07-30-2016

Re: Talking with others about grief

Message 10 of 70 (4,676 Views)

Mjarvis,

 

My boat seems pretty similar to yours. I lost my dad about 3 and a half years ago at the age of 69 and my mom fell victim to alcohol induced dementia 4 and a half years ago at the age of 60. She's still here physically, but the woman that was my mom and best friend is gone. I'm an only child so at least I have no siblings to loose, but friends and family are scarce and hard to come by. I do have a boyfriend but he just wants me to take of him all the time and he doesn't understand what I'm going through whatsoever. And honestly I'm just waiting for him to leave just like everyone else. I've got two cats but one has a ton of health problems and the other is getting old so I probably won't have them much longer. My mom is aso going downhill fast and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Its utter hell missing someone so much and they're sitting right in front of you but they're gone.

With the holidays approaching my depression iis worsening as it does every year and I stand back and ask myself how much more can I take? 

I think about what it's going  to be like after my mom is gone and I hate to say it, but I don't want to go on anymore. Once she's gone I won't really have anyone left and its my own fault. If I hadn't had an abortion at 18 I would at least have a child even though I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to make the relationship with the father work. And that would've at least given my dad a grandchild before he passed. Now I'm too old to have children and probably too emotionally screwed up to raise them. Never managed to get married or finish college either. And it seems the only people interested in my company are those who just mainly want to use me for money or some other financial gain. My therapist has urged me to leave my boyfriend and find someone better, but I know if i do I'll just find another like him or worse. As each day passes and turns into months and years jumping off that cliff is looking better and better. I've found my self thinking the last few days who would really miss me if I were gone? And I can only think of a couple of friends who both live hundreds of miles away who I haven't seen in years who would be at all saddened. And since I haven't seen them and don't get to talk to them much my loss shouldn't have much impact. In fact there's probably a longer list of ex friends and boyfriends that would be happy I'm gone.

 

Gosh I'm sorry I just spewed all this out. But I needed to get it out. I really don't have anyone I can talk to and I haven't had the guts to tell my therapist how suicidal I'm feeling. I start to go into it and he keeps telling me I've got my life ahead of me and so much possibility. But all I can see is how if screwed everything up beyond repair. I don't dare post any of this on Facebook because I don't want my coworkers or anyone else I know. 

Again my apologies, I don't expect any responses nor do I expect anyone to read this. I just had to get it off my chest so maybe I can find a way to function today. Best wishes to all.

Kyle

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