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Treasured Social Butterfly
Posts: 19,559
Registered: ‎12-25-2011

Re: Losing Your Mother

Message 21 of 41 (1,403 Views)

@suefosterboge - Do you think it's possible that you're supressing your feelings, because you're afraid you wouldn't be able to control them once that happened? Any particular reason you didn't stick around to help your sister with final arrangements, or to attend the memorial service?

 

Does anything really affect you, when you watch TV or movies about terrible events? Sometimes our true feelings come out at those times, when we're relaxed .. and it's "not about us".


Registered on Online Community since 2007!
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Posts: 2
Registered: ‎11-03-2009

Re: Losing Your Mother

Message 22 of 41 (1,455 Views)

My mom had a massive stroke at the age of 95.  Up till then she was clear-headed and we talked frequently on the phone.  I lived 500 miles away.  I went

to her side and lived and slept in her room for three days.  On the third day, I

sat holding her hand as she took her last breath.  Her aide was there and already knew about arrangements.  I reached up, closed her eyes, went and called people to let them know, packed up my stuff, and went back home.  I never looked back.  My older sister arrived shortly after I left and followed up on all the arrangements, which basically involved a short memorial service and scattering of the ashes.  I felt nothing then and still feel nothing, except a vague sense of loss, someone important to talk to, someone I was so attached to all my life.  It's like something in me died at the same time.  I have never shed any tears over her passing and wonder a lot if something's wrong with me.

Frequent Social Butterfly
Posts: 262
Registered: ‎05-04-2011

Re: Losing Your Mother

Message 23 of 41 (1,680 Views)

d637768j wrote:

I lost my mother, December 16, 2016. It came as a total shock to me! I'd didn't get the news of it, until I got home after work, late Friday night! She passed away at home in my dad's presence! I was angry, & in disbelief that she was gone! I could hear over the phone was my dad crying, my sister screaming, & the paramedics. So much was going on! She had a stroke, a few years back, & was on meds & therapy to get her life back in order! But this stroke took her away from us! Each day is hard, some good, some bad, and having to help my dad, after he has lost his wife, our mother, has been a lot, these past few months..

Hurts a great deal, in trying to move on...


I'm very sorry for your loss, D.  It IS a shock, even when a death is expected and planned for and there is anticipatory grief, it is STILL a shock. Especially when it is not expected. I'm so sorry. Hard for all of you. 

 

So now it's March 12, about 3 months have gone by. Have you sorted some of her things for charity or for family to own and cherish? Have you figured out some new ways of gathering together, perhaps for Sunday dinner, with your father so that her absence doesn't echo quite so loudly? Any gathering and retelling of stories?  Moms tend to be the hub of a family. Everything seems to pass through them. Was that true of your mom?

 

What do you miss about her the most?  Would love to hear.

 

I miss my mother when i find something unusual and artistic. She had the best eye for art in unusual places. Unintentional art. Amazing. I want to tell her about it when i see it. She refined my eye for art.

 

I read this on facebook recently. Thought you might find it helpful. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/grief-illustrations-totally-nail-the-difficult-process_us_58b878...?

 

Please write some more if you'd like, and thank you for sharing your pain with us. We've all been through it in some form or another. Grief scrubs you raw.

 

Jane

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Posts: 2
Registered: ‎07-27-2016

Re: Losing Your Mother

Message 24 of 41 (1,696 Views)

I lost my mother, December 16, 2016. It came as a total shock to me! I'd didn't get the news of it, until I got home after work, late Friday night! She passed away at home in my dad's presence! I was angry, & in disbelief that she was gone! I could hear over the phone was my dad crying, my sister screaming, & the paramedics. So much was going on! She had a stroke, a few years back, & was on meds & therapy to get her life back in order! But this stroke took her away from us! Each day is hard, some good, some bad, and having to help my dad, after he has lost his wife, our mother, has been a lot, these past few months..

Hurts a great deal, in trying to move on...

Frequent Social Butterfly
Posts: 262
Registered: ‎05-04-2011

Re: Losing Your Mother

Message 25 of 41 (2,382 Views)

m677047w wrote:

I lost mother a week ago. I am still in disbelief and do not know how to feel. I have so many emotions, that range from guilt athat I should have been a better daughter. I thought I was prepared for this , but I guess I was not. She had been sick on and off for many years, and I knew that this day would come. I have no blood relative relatives left, I am married with no children. I know it will take time.


I am so sorry you've lost your mother. This coming holiday will be particularly hard, i would think: the FIRST holiday, birthday, whatever, without your mom can be tricky. I am glad you have your husband for company and comfort. Was she in hospice? If so you'd have access to support for 13 months after her passing. If not, many hospices open groups up to people in the community who were not part of the hospice care. In Maryland where i used to work (for a hospice) there were groups for folks who'd lost parents, and lost spouses. Lots of support.

 

Since the death is so recent, the shock is still present i would guess. eventually, there will be things you can do, like review old letters she sent you, or something like that: remembering her. There may be tasks that seem too much to do right now, like clearing out her belongings... is your dad gone, too?

 

Anyway, i am indeed sorry. 

My father died the day before Christmas Eve 10 years ago and that entire season was a blur. My mother passed away in June 1992. It is so hard, no matter what one's relationship with the parent, to lose them. Something very final.

 

thank you for sharing your loss. perhaps there are special things you can be conscious of for thanksgiving: maybe write in a journal what you are thankful for that were/are gifts from your mother. it's a thought.

 

i'm so sorry. 

jane

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Posts: 2
Registered: ‎11-08-2016

Re: Losing Your Mother

Message 26 of 41 (2,475 Views)

I lost mother a week ago. I am still in disbelief and do not know how to feel. I have so many emotions, that range from guilt athat I should have been a better daughter. I thought I was prepared for this , but I guess I was not. She had been sick on and off for many years, and I knew that this day would come. I have no blood relative relatives left, I am married with no children. I know it will take time.

Frequent Social Butterfly
Posts: 262
Registered: ‎05-04-2011

Re: Losing Your Mother

Message 27 of 41 (3,705 Views)

The loss of a mother, your own mother, is deep, isn't it? I remember walking around in a fog. Like i was underwater. Everything seemed one or two beats late... i missed a lot. Everyone else seemed so normal chattering away. And i was just out of it. 

 

A profound loss.

 

Any stories about your mothers? What you loved best about her? What you miss most?

Info Seeker
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎06-12-2013

Re: Losing Your Mother

Message 28 of 41 (3,793 Views)
I lost my Mom January 6 2016 after a short 4 months battle with terminal ovarian cancer. I came suddenly and unexpected. I cry almost every day and sometimes find myself not understanding and asking for answers. I still hurts.
Info Seeker
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎03-04-2015

Re: Losing Your Mother

Message 29 of 41 (3,784 Views)
I lost my mom in the midst of being diagnosed with terminal cancer. I am not sure I have truly grieved her death it's 6 months later but it hurts like crazy when I think of her being gone Sherry
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Registered: ‎04-25-2016

Re: Losing Your Mother

Message 30 of 41 (3,819 Views)
I lost my mom on feb. 14,2016. And I miss her so very much.I still can not believe that she is gone. I always jump when the phone rings on a Tuesday to see if we are going to go shopping but no phone calls from her.