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Bronze Conversationalist
Posts: 16
Registered: ‎06-18-2017

Re: I am finding its hard to make friends after moving around with my husband in the military

Message 1 of 8 (648 Views)

I spend a lot of my time alone because that's what I prefer.  But I have made good friends in this community.  I've been here 15 years.  Here's how I've met the people I spend time with these days.

 

1.  A local art gallery owner started a sing-along years ago.  I met several people then and we still spend time together.  I also met my singing partner there and we sang together for eight years and were good friends.  But he passed away last year.  That same gallery owner has weekly meetings for artists where they do readings, performances, discuss art, and view films.  Lots of us get together because of this one gallery owner's efforts.  Might there be someone like that in your community?

 

2.  Craigslist has an Activities section.  Stick to public events and give things a try.

 

3.  What are your interests?  Because I have varied interests, I tend to spend time with a variety of people.  I'm a sculptor and musician, hence the gallery conncections.  I'm a gardener, so I've met people through that.  I swim twice a week and I met a really nice woman there.  We now swim laps together, go to lunch at least twice a week, and ride together to Charlottesville for medical care several times a year.

 

4.  Are you active in your church?

 

5.  Does you local paper list community events?

 

6.  Most communities need volunteers.  Whether you help out a local fire department, food bank, or animal shelter, or even volunteer to drive veterans to the nearest VA hospital, you're bound to meet someone while performing those activities.

 

As for what people think about a family member--

1.  What a family member does shouldn't be reflective of you

2.  If someone thinks it is, that someone probably isn't someone you want to hang out with anyway.

3.  You don't have to tell people about everyone in your family.

4.  People are becoming more and more tolerant of various lifestyles.  Most people I know don't care whether someone is fat or thin, gay or straight, rich or poor.  They do care whether someone is kind or mean, uplifting or a downer, and just pleasant to be around.

 

You might consider talking to someone about your fears.  Sometimes things can fester and eventually overwhelm us if we don't address them head on.  You've posted about this, so it sounds like you might be ready to address these issues.

 

Good luck!

Gold Conversationalist
Posts: 53
Registered: ‎04-30-2009

Re: I am finding its hard to make friends after moving around with my husband in the military

Message 2 of 8 (888 Views)

The church that we are now with; I am a member on several committies. With all of these, my focus is to bring joy to those wherever I am. Kitchen Witch, Homlessness committee, or Soul Feast, or the Crocheting Group; we crochet Shawls for those in hospice, or ill; or for new borns; Childrens Education; etc. 

Find what cause your heart is telling you to be involved with get involved with it, and people will gravitate towards you, but give it time.

Gold Conversationalist
Posts: 53
Registered: ‎04-30-2009

Re: I am finding its hard to make friends after moving around with my husband in the military

Message 3 of 8 (893 Views)

Wherever life takes us, whether it's Utah, Mexico, Or Colorado, or California; we always find our way to a church that is "Open and Accepting"; who we are. 

I love music and children, so this helps me get involved with Children Ministries.

I also did mission work for a time when we lived in Baja, MX. 

Conversationalist
Posts: 6
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: I am finding its hard to make friends after moving around with my husband in the military

Message 4 of 8 (1,038 Views)
I am having a very similar problem. I moved from San Francisco, California to the East bay 14 years ago, and I have had an impossible time making actual friends.. I had co-workers when I worked out of the home, but not what I could call actual friends. None stayed in touch. My neighbor who is now retired, sort of acts as thouhg she wants to be friends, but nothing concrete. People just seem to be too busy, and/or mistrusting to have actual friendships these days. Where are you? If I may ask?
Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 5,499
Registered: ‎05-16-2009

Re: I am finding its hard to make friends after moving around with my husband in the military

[ Edited ]
Message 5 of 8 (1,124 Views)

gg1954 wrote:

There are ppl that I have met and we have spent some time with people at church.  We lived in Chicago area for several years before his retirement and I have a member of my family who has a lifestyle that is looked down upon in the south.   So, I have put myself out there and as soon as people learn about my family member they can't run away fast enough.  So it is hard to find anyone who will accept us.  Anyway, the point is for the last 3-4 years I have been totally isolated and I am afraid to be out in public.  So I guess that is why it has taken so long to be concerned about it


That total isolation and fear of being out in public are NOT things I would be comfortable addressing.

 

It is clear that someone more professional than I, perhaps a counselor, a minister, or a doctor could better assist you.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

Info Seeker +
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎06-11-2014

Re: I am finding its hard to make friends after moving around with my husband in the military

Message 6 of 8 (1,143 Views)

There are ppl that I have met and we have spent some time with people at church.  We lived in Chicago area for several years before his retirement and I have a member of my family who has a lifestyle that is looked down upon in the south.   So, I have put myself out there and as soon as people learn about my family member they can't run away fast enough.  So it is hard to find anyone who will accept us.  Anyway, the point is for the last 3-4 years I have been totally isolated and I am afraid to be out in public.  So I guess that is why it has taken so long to be concerned about it

Valued Social Butterfly
Posts: 5,499
Registered: ‎05-16-2009

Re: I am finding its hard to make friends after moving around with my husband in the military

Message 7 of 8 (1,182 Views)

gg1954 wrote:

My husband and I moved back to our hometown after 20 yrs of service.   We have been here 10 years and we are finding it almost impossible to connect with people.  Just wondering does anyone have any suggestions


Have you attempted to join athletic leagues like bowling, golf, or tennis?

How about social groups within your place of worship?

Are there any Veterans Associations in your locale?

Have you done volunteer work....sometime you meet people there with similar interest?

Are there any former friends from your previous residency in the town that you can link back up with?

 

I would ask why have you waited ten full years before becoming concerned?

Info Seeker +
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎06-11-2014

I am finding its hard to make friends after moving around with my husband in the military

Message 8 of 8 (1,194 Views)

My husband and I moved back to our hometown after 20 yrs of service.   We have been here 10 years and we are finding it almost impossible to connect with people.  Just wondering does anyone have any suggestions