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Regular Social Butterfly
Posts: 409
Registered: ‎04-28-2014

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 81 of 257 (2,137 Views)

lb50258545 wrote:

What an awful day we've had!  I attempted to toilet my husband by myself and we both ended up on the floor with me falling on him!  Thank God neither of us got hurt!  Unfortunately I think he was so scared he couldn't even rollover onto his back so I could get him up with the lift so I had to call 911.  The paramedics really didn't seem to know what to do so I walked them through getting the sling behind him and then I lifted him with the lift.  I am so upset.  The last thing I want to do is hurt my husband, he's got enough to deal with.  And I have no one to talk to other than my therapist whom I contacted.  My friend showed up shortly after the paramedics and she was silent about the whole thing.  That really hurt me.  I know I shouldn't have tried to walk him myself, but he's been doing so well I thought that we could actually do it!  But this incidence has really driven home the need for me to use the lift whenever I need to move him!  I so want him to have the best life possible, but I also need to be aware of my limitations!  Now I need to forgive myself and move on.  Thank you reading!


Hey there,

 

You posted this about a month ago, and i am wondering how things are going now? yes i hope you can forgive yourself and move on. that's a hard thing to do isn't it? You obviously are dedicated to taking excellent care of him, and as we all do, you keep learning the hard way what your limitations are, and his. I hope the lift is being used more, to save your back as well as to keep him safe. You have a lot going on.

 

How do you keep going?

 

So glad you write here. I can tell you have a strong, positive spirit.

 

Carry on!

 

Jane

Info Seeker
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎05-29-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 82 of 257 (2,119 Views)

Congratulations on finding a health care provider who suggested a nutritional means of improving your husband's situation.  I wish someone would have had such helpful suggestions for my husband when he was sick. All we got were tests and tests an presriptions and prescriptions. I will say though that you are probably the only person who can persuade your husband to get his blood drawn. He is more dependent on you than probably either of you realize. My only other suggestion is to ask for help before it's so late that caring for him is more than you can handle. There are available respite day programs with Senior Care that would give you a full afternoon off once a week so your mind can rejunivate. Do take care of yourself !  It is not selfish, it's essential for both of you.

Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 42
Registered: ‎07-14-2015

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 83 of 257 (2,157 Views)

This has been a truly emotional day for me and I don't know why!  My husband's physical health seems to have improved but I know how this situation works.  The ups and downs of this disease are frustrating at best!  I contacted a chiropractor in North Carolina who deals with brain trauma and he suggested increasing the amount of fat for my husband so I have and I do believe it has made a difference.  My husband has been much more awake in the last month than he was before, of course it could be that with the weather change that caused the awakeness.  I don't know.  Anyway I spoke with the chiropractor again and now he would like to see my husband's blood work.  So I called his doctor up here and my husband is to have his blood drawn tomorrow.  I'm hoping he will let them do a blood draw, but honestly I know it's making me anxious because my husband just doesn't respond well to such things.  Hoping for the best!  Thank you for reading!

Info Seeker
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎04-22-2015

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 84 of 257 (2,278 Views)

Hi!  I am taking care of my spouse.  We will be married 60 years in 2 days.  My husband has had 2 strokes and a seizure since April of 2014.  His personality has changed and I understand this can happen after a stroke.  Like I just read in the comment above mine--your husband has an opportunity to get help, but won't do it.  That's what's happening with my husband, he doesn't think it will help him and I find this very frustrating.  I understand your feeling of loneliness.  When I married my spouse it was for better or worse and I just trust God to help me everyday.

Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 42
Registered: ‎07-14-2015

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 85 of 257 (2,236 Views)

Hi All!  Well it's another holiday.  We do not have children so this particular holiday is no big deal for us.  It's just hard to be alone so much!  But doing the best we can and hanging in there!  I keep telling myself it will get better.  I pray it does.  I hope your day is going smoothly and things are well in your world!  Happy Mother's Day!

Conversationalist
Posts: 10
Registered: ‎01-09-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 86 of 257 (2,115 Views)
I know how you feel. It is the same exact thing withy husband. His dementia is frontotemporal, so no meaningful conversation or interest in any activities. He does not even dance anymore. This was what he loved. So sad. Pacing is all he does and he burns many, many calories. I just feed him frequently. Medication helps with the sleeping, but not so much with the pacing. Hang in there!
Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 42
Registered: ‎07-14-2015

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 87 of 257 (2,043 Views)

Hi Amber, I'm sorry you are having this experience.  It is difficult at best to care for someone and worse when that someone is the person you love and they don't respond the way they have in the past.  It sounds like your husband's physician didn't explain to you or your husband the possible personality changes as a result of your husband's stroke.  You may want to ask the physician about that as it may provide you with some insight as to why your husband behaves the way he does.  I do hope you have some time to get away from your husband and relax.  I know it can be difficult but it is so important.  You need to take care of you, because if you don't what will happen to your husband and who will take care of you?  This is a wonderful sight to express your frustrations, no judgements and any offered advice comes from a place of love and understanding!  I hope things are getting better hope you!  Take Care of you! 

Conversationalist
Posts: 10
Registered: ‎01-09-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 88 of 257 (1,954 Views)
I'm so sorry that you are going through this, Mike. Please speak with her doctor. The aggression is part of the dementia. However, you need to me sure that you remain safe. Getting assaulted on a regarding basis is not good. There are medications that are designed to control the aggression so that your wife stops attacking you. It might also help lessen her desire to order you around. You are not failing in taking care of your wife. The dementia is just getting the upper hand right now. Your sanity and well-being are important as well! Ask the doctor if your wife should be in counseling with a psychiatrist who treats people with dementia and then ask for counseling for yourself as a caregiver. Good luck, Mike! You are in my thoughts!
Info Seeker +
Posts: 3
Registered: ‎05-04-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 89 of 257 (1,986 Views)

My name is mike.  I am trying and failing at taking care of my wife with moderate dementia and sundowners.  She becomes so angry that she kicks holes in doors, and assaults me regulary.  Recently she called the police because I got her the wrong kind of chicken.  The police said it would be best if i spent the night at a hotel even though i was the only one with any signs of injury.  So I packed my bags and had to leave my wife alone for the night.  I never know what will set her off so I just leep a suitcase packed and in the car ready to leave at a minutes notice.

 

My wife refuses to do anything but lay on the couch, watch tv, and order me to wait on her.  If things do not go her way she just announces that she will just call the police again, and i cave in.  My love for her and our marriage is jeopardy.  I have nothing in the way of any powers of attorney because she will not sign anything. 

 

I have become very resentful and at this point I feel like I have only one option.  She thinks she can take care of herself even though she has forgotten everything about daily life except how to order me around.

 

Well there it is.  Bash me if you want, but it does feel a little better just to get it out. 

 

  

Conversationalist
Posts: 10
Registered: ‎01-09-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 90 of 257 (1,928 Views)
Hi Amber. I'm so sorry that your husband had a stroke and you now find yourself in this position. Could it be that the stroke damaged a part of his brain having to do with his emotions? Could he have sustained ome damage to his temporal lobe? This would explain his behavior as far as seeming emotionally distant - not hugging or thanking you, not treating you as a husband would a wife, and it could also explain why he gets his feelings hurt and cries. I would most certainly mention this to his doctor. As his wife, it's extremely hard and hurtful for you to deal with. Unfortunately, it could be that because of the stroke he cant help it and it isn't his fault. Please DO talk to his doctor. Amber, dear one, you say that nothing is really wrong, but you've been through a scary time with your husband and things don't feel right since it happened. It's quite natural to cry - a lot! Please don't neglect yourself. Set reminders to take your medication. Remember to eat. You can't help your husband or yourself if you get sick as well. My precious husband has advanced frontotemporal dementia. He forgot who I was long ago. He will never initiate a hug, I give them anyway. He seems to enjoy them. He enjoys when I rub his back or gently massage his neck, hands and fingers and speak softly and lovingly to him. Maybe you could try that with your husband and see how he responds. I say "I love you" a dozen times a day. I smile at him. And I cry - a lot. Good luck, Amber. You and your husband will be in my thoughts and prayers.