Get the Latest on Health Care Bill and White House Budget. Join AARP Today at 4 p.m. ET for a Live Discussion

Reply
Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎08-28-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 51 of 265 (1,446 Views)

I am representative payee to his social security benefits and want to take total control of the bill paying process not to control him undermine or diminish him in any way but to take stress off him but he WILL NOT let go at all in any way shape I am feeling the time has come to go for conservatorship 

GEH
Info Seeker
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎09-11-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 52 of 265 (1,507 Views)

Ling-Ling my Shar-pei is the Sunshine in my day. Without her I would not have any happiness. 

 

 

Info Seeker
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎09-11-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 53 of 265 (1,500 Views)

I am with you on this. I am 16 yrs younger. Everything I do is wrong. I have taken over bills and stopped the mail because he obsessed over politics and charities. Spending money on charities, donating to veterans, Animal sites, Erection Meds. He is in denial about his illness and blames everything on me. Even the stuff he orders on line. I sent back about 5 auto ship products last week. I still have to work. Haven't turned 60 yet. Friends don't want to be around us. I feel embarrassed and alone. 

Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎08-28-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 54 of 265 (1,498 Views)

It is hard because it is not that he can't take care of him self it is that he won't and he has been as difficult as all get go last 2 days question us is it his mental health disirder, amoinia in his bilbrum going to his head or both how the hell am I supposed to figure it out.

GEH
Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎08-28-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 55 of 265 (1,486 Views)

Have not been able to find one where I live and believe me I have tried.

GEH
Regular Social Butterfly
Posts: 409
Registered: ‎04-28-2014

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 56 of 265 (1,489 Views)

geh66 wrote:

The liver doctor believed there is still health and life left in his liver if he would stay of Alcohol there is no telling how many years he would have but he will not stop drinking so I fear he will be gone by christmas. I fear he is in denial off his condition and addiction and had fallen into a depression and is giving up. I do not know how to reach him. 


That is so hard. For you to love him, and try to help him, and for him to be unable to help himself. People drink for all kinds of reasons, as a way of 'self medicating.' And alcoholism is a disease that does progress and get worse. Very hard to reverse. Very hard to quit drinking. Which doesn't mean that it's impossible to do.  

 

Have you ever gone to an Alanon meeting? They are the 12 step meetings for partners of people who are alcoholics. I went to a meeting for a year or so some time back, regarding my mother who was not even an alcoholic, but the philosophy of 'detachment' was really helpful ... How do you love someone who is self-destructing? You detach, and still love them. You are with them, but you are not consumed with guilt that you cannot seem to figure out how to rescue him or her. 

 

Does that make any sense?

 

It would be a free source of support. Just a thought. He is very lucky you are in his life.

 

Jane

Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎08-28-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 57 of 265 (1,492 Views)

My dogs are precious friends I do not know how I would cope without them. 

GEH
Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎08-28-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 58 of 265 (1,487 Views)

My dogs are precious friends I do not know how I would cope without them. 

GEH
Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎08-28-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 59 of 265 (1,370 Views)

My dogs are precious friends I do not know how I would cope without them. 

GEH
Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎08-28-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 60 of 265 (1,364 Views)

The liver doctor believed there is still health and life left in his liver if he would stay of Alcohol there is no telling how many years he would have but he will not stop drinking so I fear he will be gone by christmas. I fear he is in denial off his condition and addiction and had fallen into a depression and is giving up. I do not know how to reach him. 

GEH