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Regular Social Butterfly
Posts: 409
Registered: ‎04-28-2014

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 51 of 275 (2,047 Views)

o473291h wrote:
Yes, My name is Ottis. I'm retired and taking care of my totally disable wife. It's extremely challenging.

Welcome, Ottis!  

 

How are you coping with the challenges? Does anyone help you? Do you have hired help to give you a break? Is she cooperative with you, and with her medication or therapies?

 

There's a lot of wisdom in this caregiving community. What tips can you offer? And what questions do you have?

 

Jane

Regular Social Butterfly
Posts: 409
Registered: ‎04-28-2014

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 52 of 275 (2,025 Views)

geh66 wrote:

Husband made this statement today if the liver doctor would prescribe me a night time pain medication then I would stop drinking which us worse on my liver a pain pill at bedtime or alcohol all day.


One way to possibly 'intervene' is to enlist the help of his doctor. Pain is often undertreated in addicts and alcoholics who are still using, and the alcoholic has a legitimate beef. They want to self-medicate with alcohol because they can't sleep. is there a way you can drop by the doctor's office and leave a note with the nurse, a few days before an appointment? you could tell the doctor that your husband has pain, is actively drinking, is non compliant, and can the doctor please address these issues. 

 

sometimes patients listen to doctors...

 

jane

Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎08-28-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 53 of 275 (2,011 Views)

YEas it is especially when the spouse dos not want to do their part to take care of themselves and then wants to turn it on you.

GEH
Info Seeker
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎09-12-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 54 of 275 (1,880 Views)
Yes, My name is Ottis. I'm retired and taking care of my totally disable wife. It's extremely challenging.
Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎08-28-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 55 of 275 (1,884 Views)

Husband made this statement today if the liver doctor would prescribe me a night time pain medication then I would stop drinking which us worse on my liver a pain pill at bedtime or alcohol all day.

GEH
Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎08-28-2016

Re: Is anyone tacking care of a spouse?

Message 56 of 275 (1,871 Views)

I do not know how I keep my self in good spirits I guess my dogs faith hope determination.

GEH
Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎08-28-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 57 of 275 (1,852 Views)

When he was taking it regularly I noted his memory was improved and his thinking a little better when he was sober 3 months things were really good I could actually have a conversation with him about money and the household. I feel biggest problem is his drinking exhasperates his untreated mental health condition.  He does not want to take his liver and potassium meds because the make him sick No combining his meds with alcohol is what is making him sick. I wish I could find a way to organize an intervention.

GEH
Silver Conversationalist
Posts: 36
Registered: ‎08-28-2016

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 58 of 275 (1,851 Views)

That is the problem husband WILL NOT let me take control of the bills or household, This is why I am considering going to court for conservatorship or for a conservertor to be assigned then I can start to set boundaries for no acceptable behavior, stop being a forced enabker, a list of house hold chores with an amount do those chores you earn money. Basically he behaves like a child he gets treated like one he behaves like a man he gets treated like one.

GEH
Regular Social Butterfly
Posts: 409
Registered: ‎04-28-2014

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 59 of 275 (1,792 Views)

Glad you wrote! Glad your dog is such a comfort! And, good for you for taking over the bills. I was a care manager for an old coot who gave away hundreds of dollars a month to horses, right wing politicians, and other non essentials!

 

How do you keep yourself in good spirits?

 

Jane

Regular Social Butterfly
Posts: 409
Registered: ‎04-28-2014

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

Message 60 of 275 (1,699 Views)

geh66 wrote:

It is hard because it is not that he can't take care of him self it is that he won't and he has been as difficult as all get go last 2 days question us is it his mental health disirder, amoinia in his bilbrum going to his head or both how the hell am I supposed to figure it out.


Hey GEH,

 

If you slip him some lactulose, does it clear his head?

 

Sounds like the two of you are in a difficult conflicted set of struggles. In one sense, it doesn't matter if its his bipolar, his bilirubin, his ammonia levels. A big part of the struggle of taking care of a person like your husband is that there is a MIX of what is his willful non-cooperation, and what is his illness.  This is key. what is his choice to be a pain in the tuckus, and what behavior is beyond his control?  You can't blame him for what is beyond his control, and yet you can hold him accountable for the part that is his choice. Even if only 5% of his behavior is under his control, you can appeal to that.

 

Have you tried to "control" (or shape) his behavior with rewards and punishments, like you would a puppy or a toddler? Like, he throws a tantrum; you go take a walk with your dog and leave him to stew. He is considerate to you and takes his meds? Reward him (whatever works. Candy. A kiss. A shoulder rub.) 

 

Easier said than done. This is why i wish there was an Alanon meeting near you.

 

I am glad you have your dogs to comfort you.

 

Jane