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06-17-2014 11:26 PM
Good evening, Grammarian,
I missed it: who said they were considering divorce?
You are hanging in there, that's for sure. Your husband is a lucky man.
06-17-2014 11:22 PM
Hm, i'm thinking some sort of bribery... "if you, dear husband, takes a thorough bath, we can _______ [go do something special...] "
Do you think he'd be more willing if you hired a male aide to help him bathe, once or twice a week?
Can you afford one of those walk in bathtubs to be installed in one of the bathrooms? Looks like a mini hot tub to me. A little googling and i found this: http://www.homeperfect.com/ariel-ezwt-3048-l-soake
I don't know what it is about bathing, but lots and lots of older people simply lose the desire for it.
Does he bathe himself? Perhaps he feels unsteady, and doesn't want you to know? I think shower benches are a fabulous invention. Like this one.
Any other ideas out there, folks?
06-17-2014 11:14 PM
Hi Grannie Courier,
Husband of 59 years? Wow. That is an accomplishment in and of itself.
I wonder if there is a way to distract both of you from the drudgery (and embarassment) of diaper changing. Pick some time, when he's clean and you're feeling pretty good, ask him to put baby oil on your back. Just touching each other can feel very intimate and relaxing. A way to connect that isn't too complicated. Or you can rub his feet with lotion while he's lying down on the couch. If all the touching is so 'functional', it's hard to feel cuddly and romantic at all.
I wonder if other folks have suggestions?
Thank you for sharing your concern. Let's see if other folks have any tips.
06-17-2014 11:10 PM
You didn't state what type of illness your husband has. At any rate,.why would you consider a divorce? What happened to your vow "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH?" My husband has dementia, and I would no more consider deserting him than he would consider deserting me if things were turned around. Again, you did not say what the problem is with your husband, but whatever it is, it is time for youl to stop thinking of yourself and start thinking of the man you vowed to love and to cheris until death do you part.
06-14-2014 12:19 AM
06-10-2014 05:34 PM
This is very new to me. Talking to anyone in person &/or on line. My husband has had Parkinson's for the last 8 years which got complicated by a bout of pnemonia and a diagnosis of sever osteporosis both of which caused spinal fractures. There are good days and bad days. On a good day my husband of 59 years gets romantic but I have trouble thinking romantically after changing his diapers and/or bedding. No one talks about keeping up a romantic relationship while caring for a love one.
06-09-2014 03:52 PM
06-09-2014 03:46 PM
Hello there, husband of Ms. "I'm not driving anymore."
Keep coming to this site and posting. Be specific about what part of this craziness is the most crazy making. Maybe we can hack away at the frustrations together one by one.
SOooooOOOOooo many people with dementia deny that there is anything wrong with then. Convincing her that she needs help isn't going to work very well. However, you can still get help, hire help, delegate to others, all kinds of tasks that will give you a break and a breather.
It takes a village, composed of family & friend caregivers, and professional caregivers like doctors, home health aides, adult day program operators, social workers, et al, to keep a person with dementia safe and reasonably independent.
who can you call upon? do you have children? where are her friends. do you belong to a faith community. Tell us. The collective wisdom of the caregivers on this site can answer any question.
Thanks for sharing.
06-09-2014 03:34 PM
Dear ypgroce, aka wife of man dealing with Parkinson's
Yes he needs a vacation from Parkinsons, but...I am so glad to hear you're taking care of yourself by working out. Physical exercise is the best thing you can do for body mind and spirit. I hope you don't give that up, regardless of how tough it is.
Has he ever seen a speech therapist? There may be other devices, including a word board, that might be less frustrating for him and more audible for you.
Anyone else you can ask to spell you/ keep him company/ accompany him to something fun like a movie/ etc etc.
Parkinson's, and all of these illnesses, are family diseases, that's for sure.
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