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Respected Social Butterfly
Posts: 35,252
Registered: ‎02-27-2008

Re: How do you support your parents?

Message 1 of 7 (78 Views)

melissav837961 wrote:

My dear parents have been married over 50 years and doing well until about a year ago.  My mom started having various health issues and while not life threatening, it has impacted her quality of life.  My dad does 100% of the caregiving at home.  He is cooking, shopping, cleaning, doing laundry, lawn care, keeping track of doctor appts, and daily errands.  Until we can resolve the health issues my mom is battling, she is unfortunately mostly staying inside at home with the occasional trip outside to hair appointments.  I am happy she is able to keep up with that.  

My question to any adult child is how do you support your parents going through health issues that impact their quality of life?  I am open to input big and small.  Thanks.      


I would start with asking my dad what he could use a hand with.  Actually spending the time with him could be a gift to you both.

 

 

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
Jen
Frequent Social Butterfly
Posts: 132
Registered: ‎11-20-2007

Re: How do you support your parents?

Message 2 of 7 (129 Views)

JaneCares wrote:

melissav837961 wrote:

My dear parents have been married over 50 years and doing well until about a year ago.  My mom started having various health issues and while not life threatening, it has impacted her quality of life.  My dad does 100% of the caregiving at home.  He is cooking, shopping, cleaning, doing laundry, lawn care, keeping track of doctor appts, and daily errands.  Until we can resolve the health issues my mom is battling, she is unfortunately mostly staying inside at home with the occasional trip outside to hair appointments.  I am happy she is able to keep up with that.  

My question to any adult child is how do you support your parents going through health issues that impact their quality of life?  I am open to input big and small.  Thanks.      


Hey Melissa, 

Great question, and you've gotten very helpful answers. I'll just add my 2 cents. That and $3.50 will get you a small latte. 

 

Conversations with your folks are crucial. What do they want? Big picture, long range, and up close and personal. Do you have siblings? Who do they trust? Does your father feel like he's burdened and burning out or is he feeling heroic and needed? Will your mother recover? If it's an open question, then you can keep talking as things evolve. Is their home wheelchair accessible and safe?  Are there grab bars in the bathroom? Do they want to do some renovating? Or have they always dreamed of retiring to the beach... the mountains...

 

Most folks don't know that there is a taxpayer funded agency for every locality in the US at www.eldercare.gov. If you put in your parents' zip code, you'll find it. Especially if they want to stay local, i'd go pick the brain of the longest serving social worker at that agency.

 

But before that, or alongside resource-exploration, the conversations are key.

 

AARP has a truly terrific resource called "Prepare to Care" which is well worth getting, it's free on the web site.

 

One more thing. I think it's really important to make sure that their care come out of their money. You need your money for you. If they don't have enough, and who has enough really, then an elder law attorney or financial planner can be helpful, and lay out options. Sobering stuff. But no one wants to be abandoned in a medicaid bed lying in their own urine. To put it bluntly.

 

So write some more, tell us more, what makes sense in your situation?

 

Jane


Jane mentioned Prepare to Care. Here is the LINK to download the free copy. 

 

Good luck to you and please write back and keep us posted. 

AARPJen
Caregiving Concierge
Frequent Social Butterfly
Posts: 225
Registered: ‎05-04-2011

Re: How do you support your parents?

Message 3 of 7 (218 Views)

melissav837961 wrote:

My dear parents have been married over 50 years and doing well until about a year ago.  My mom started having various health issues and while not life threatening, it has impacted her quality of life.  My dad does 100% of the caregiving at home.  He is cooking, shopping, cleaning, doing laundry, lawn care, keeping track of doctor appts, and daily errands.  Until we can resolve the health issues my mom is battling, she is unfortunately mostly staying inside at home with the occasional trip outside to hair appointments.  I am happy she is able to keep up with that.  

My question to any adult child is how do you support your parents going through health issues that impact their quality of life?  I am open to input big and small.  Thanks.      


Hey Melissa, 

Great question, and you've gotten very helpful answers. I'll just add my 2 cents. That and $3.50 will get you a small latte. 

 

Conversations with your folks are crucial. What do they want? Big picture, long range, and up close and personal. Do you have siblings? Who do they trust? Does your father feel like he's burdened and burning out or is he feeling heroic and needed? Will your mother recover? If it's an open question, then you can keep talking as things evolve. Is their home wheelchair accessible and safe?  Are there grab bars in the bathroom? Do they want to do some renovating? Or have they always dreamed of retiring to the beach... the mountains...

 

Most folks don't know that there is a taxpayer funded agency for every locality in the US at www.eldercare.gov. If you put in your parents' zip code, you'll find it. Especially if they want to stay local, i'd go pick the brain of the longest serving social worker at that agency.

 

But before that, or alongside resource-exploration, the conversations are key.

 

AARP has a truly terrific resource called "Prepare to Care" which is well worth getting, it's free on the web site.

 

One more thing. I think it's really important to make sure that their care come out of their money. You need your money for you. If they don't have enough, and who has enough really, then an elder law attorney or financial planner can be helpful, and lay out options. Sobering stuff. But no one wants to be abandoned in a medicaid bed lying in their own urine. To put it bluntly.

 

So write some more, tell us more, what makes sense in your situation?

 

Jane

Info Seeker
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎08-22-2017

Re: How do you support your parents?

Message 4 of 7 (379 Views)

I would recommend first ensuring (as also mentioned above) that you have handled all legal items on their behalf (since they are likely worried about day to day and not those items) and then also find out if all health care benefits are being maximized.

 

Some individuals may be eligible for non-skilled aid, supplies, etc. Also - look into convenience ways to help your Dad - Like grocery delivery, cleaning lady, etc. Check Angie's List and other similar sites for great deals on reputable providers!

 

Best of luck, good for you for doing right by your parents! 

 

J @ MSS

Trusted Social Butterfly
Posts: 7,020
Registered: ‎02-14-2008

Re: How do you support your parents?

[ Edited ]
Message 5 of 7 (561 Views)

I find the question to be too open. If able, one supports their parents according to their needs which is very specific to every family.

   As a generalization, I would first make sure all the legal stuff is handled. You should have revocable trusts for each parent, power of attorney, health power of attorney. Make sure you know where all paperwork is as far as ownership of the house, any financial related items (savings, SS, etc.), or any other major items in the house. You need to know your parents wishes, and they need to be backed up legally.

   As far as day to day, that's all an "it depends". Does your mom need help getting outside to some activities? Does your Dad need help with home chores? Would it help to have someone come in a few days a week to help with whatever is needed in the home?

   

  


“The world is a book. Those who do not travel read only one page.”
Info Seeker
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎09-07-2017

Re: How do you support your parents?

Message 6 of 7 (566 Views)

gOOD MORNING ALL I CAN SAY TO YOU IS TO ALWAY ASK DA IF YOU CAN HELK AND YOU NEED TO RELEAVE YOUR DAD ONE DAY A WEEK TO GIVE HIM RELAX TIME YOU MAY HAVE TO MAKE HIM DO ....IF HE DONT WANT TO LEAVE THE HOME INSIT ON YOU TAKING CARE OF MOM AND HE IS OFF DUTY... AND THIS IS YOUR TIME TO DO ONE ON ONE TIME WITH MO AND ENJOY THE TIME WITH MOM YOU WILL ALWAYS BE BLESSED OF THE TIME... MY MOM LIVES WITH ME AND I SHE HAS ALZHEIMERS I TAKE ONE DAY BREAKS TO REFRESH.. HOPE THIS HELPS

Info Seeker
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎09-07-2017

How do you support your parents?

Message 7 of 7 (576 Views)

My dear parents have been married over 50 years and doing well until about a year ago.  My mom started having various health issues and while not life threatening, it has impacted her quality of life.  My dad does 100% of the caregiving at home.  He is cooking, shopping, cleaning, doing laundry, lawn care, keeping track of doctor appts, and daily errands.  Until we can resolve the health issues my mom is battling, she is unfortunately mostly staying inside at home with the occasional trip outside to hair appointments.  I am happy she is able to keep up with that.  

My question to any adult child is how do you support your parents going through health issues that impact their quality of life?  I am open to input big and small.  Thanks.