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Frequent Social Butterfly
Posts: 262
Registered: ‎05-04-2011

Re: Help for in-laws

Message 1 of 2 (115 Views)

s114853h wrote:

I'm looking for help/ideas for my in-laws.  About two years ago my mother in-law had a stroke.  She can walk with help and do a lot for herself, but needs help.  She hasn't had any physical therapy for about a year and is declining physically.  My father in-law has completly shut down.  He's mourning his still living wife, is overwhelmed, lost, and angry.  He won't ask for or accept help.  He's healthy for now, but we're worried about his stress levels.  His two sons and myself have tried getting him to talk to a social worker just after her stroke.  We've gotten advice from physical therapists.  We've gotten him appointments with financial advisors.  We've given him websites.  He does nothing.  We can't trust him to tell us what's going on at her doctor appointments, he won't give us their financial information for us to fill out online forms for them.  My mother in-law volunteered at a local senior housing center before her stroke and they all loved her and have said they will be overjoyed to have her living there, that they would make sure she got the best they have to offer.  But he won't jump thru the necessary hoops.  We've tried talking to him but he just says "Yeah, you're right" and tells us what we want to hear and then does nothing.  He knows he isn't cut out to be a caregiver, so we need help for both of them, but he's the roadblock for her and himself.  Do we make an appointment with her doctor, even though he won't be able to tell us what her condition actually is?  Do we make an appointment with a social worker at the hospital where she was first treated to see what options are out there?  We're feeling completely lost and frustrated and are afraid this could cause him to turn his back on the family.  Any ideas?  Has anyone else faced something like this?


I used to be one of those hospital social workers, and your best bet is to find the social worker at the area agency on aging that serves your parent's-in-law neighborhood: www.eldercare.gov, put in their zip code. 

 

I used to be a geriatric care manager and reluctant caregivers like your father in law are just about standard. I wish it weren't true. It sounds like Dad is very depressed. Perhaps someone going with HIM to the doctor would be a good idea. And fax dad's doctor's office before going telling the doc that Dad is now faced with a radically different life, and is probably depressed. That way the doc won't just stop asking when your dad responds to "How are you?" with "I'm fine."

 

Keep writing us. Folks on this site are pretty busy but there is a lot of wisdom here.

Jane

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Posts: 1
Registered: ‎08-01-2017

Help for in-laws

Message 2 of 2 (162 Views)

I'm looking for help/ideas for my in-laws.  About two years ago my mother in-law had a stroke.  She can walk with help and do a lot for herself, but needs help.  She hasn't had any physical therapy for about a year and is declining physically.  My father in-law has completly shut down.  He's mourning his still living wife, is overwhelmed, lost, and angry.  He won't ask for or accept help.  He's healthy for now, but we're worried about his stress levels.  His two sons and myself have tried getting him to talk to a social worker just after her stroke.  We've gotten advice from physical therapists.  We've gotten him appointments with financial advisors.  We've given him websites.  He does nothing.  We can't trust him to tell us what's going on at her doctor appointments, he won't give us their financial information for us to fill out online forms for them.  My mother in-law volunteered at a local senior housing center before her stroke and they all loved her and have said they will be overjoyed to have her living there, that they would make sure she got the best they have to offer.  But he won't jump thru the necessary hoops.  We've tried talking to him but he just says "Yeah, you're right" and tells us what we want to hear and then does nothing.  He knows he isn't cut out to be a caregiver, so we need help for both of them, but he's the roadblock for her and himself.  Do we make an appointment with her doctor, even though he won't be able to tell us what her condition actually is?  Do we make an appointment with a social worker at the hospital where she was first treated to see what options are out there?  We're feeling completely lost and frustrated and are afraid this could cause him to turn his back on the family.  Any ideas?  Has anyone else faced something like this?