Content starts here
CLOSE ×

Search

Can you help me find the right place for my parents?

Reply
Contributor

Can you help me find the right place for my parents?

Hello everyone,

 

My parents are too far from me [across two bridges and NYC traffic!] and are ready to come here if I can find the proper place.

 

I don't know if it exists but all I ever find are ads online - so seeking help in narrowing things down.

 

My mother is fairly capable but needs relief from the burdens of home maintenance.  My father has Lewy Body Dementia and is currently doing well with her care and supervision.

 

She does not want to be separated from him until absolutely necessary in HER eyes - so assisted living facilities, which take that choice away, are unacceptable.

 

How do I find a place that would allow truly independent living [such as regular senior housing] with no services, that also transition seamlessly to assisted living when needed?

 

ANy suggestions for Long Island NY - or even what questions to ask to narrow this down?

0 Kudos
2,947 Views
6
Report
Community Concierge


@NicholasC926328 wrote:

 looking for experienced PT dependable and caring Caregiver with right attitude. AM & PM shifts. care for an elderly mother 82yrs. 40usd per hr, send resume to nickyvscava@gmail.com for more info


Nicholas, 

Here is a really helpufl article we just released on how to hire a care worker. HERE

We hope you find this information helpful in your search for a caregiver. 

 

Please come back and let us know how it is going. 

AARPJen
Caregiving Concierge
0 Kudos
2,319 Views
0
Report
Periodic Contributor

You might want to call, A Place For Mom, which is a National referral organization, that might help you. Their phone # is 201-212-6439. You have nothing to lose.
2,906 Views
1
Report
Contributor

I did call them - they are having phone issues getting me to the person I guess? But I saw my results - I've seen most of them but did get that one new one I mentioned - thanks for the suggestion!

0 Kudos
2,903 Views
0
Report
AARP Expert


@ca86261368 wrote:

Hello everyone,

 

My parents are too far from me [across two bridges and NYC traffic!] and are ready to come here if I can find the proper place.

 

I don't know if it exists but all I ever find are ads online - so seeking help in narrowing things down.

 

My mother is fairly capable but needs relief from the burdens of home maintenance.  My father has Lewy Body Dementia and is currently doing well with her care and supervision.

 

She does not want to be separated from him until absolutely necessary in HER eyes - so assisted living facilities, which take that choice away, are unacceptable.

 

How do I find a place that would allow truly independent living [such as regular senior housing] with no services, that also transition seamlessly to assisted living when needed?

 

ANy suggestions for Long Island NY - or even what questions to ask to narrow this down?


Good morning, and Happy New Year!  

 

I wouldn't write off Assisted Living altogether in that there are a variety of care options and she can live with him the whole time. Have you all thought about continuing care retirement communities, where they can move in at one level of care and then one or both can move to higher levels of care?  Personally, i prefer the non profit ones, like Kendall, which seems to be more ethically run for the good of both the residents and the workers. The ones that used to be religiously supported also seem better run, more ethical.

 

I guess you all have done the due diligence of financial planning? An eldercare attorney and/or financial planner can help look forward into both his and her futures so that everyone gets the most bang for the buck.

 

How about calling "A Place for Mom"?   They are truly a terrific outfit, i used to call them when i worked as a geriatric care manager, and they'd take all the financial info, preferences, location options, and then call the various places to set up tours. It's a free service, and they do take money from the facilities to operate, but i found the counselors to be very forthright and helpful. Someone is Jewish? Then this place might be better than that place. Like more of a walkable urban setting? How about this building or that community.

 

What are you thinking? What makes sense as the next right step? Oh how lucky are your parents to have you in their corner!

 

Write more? is any of this helpful?

Jane

0 Kudos
2,926 Views
2
Report
Contributor

Jane thank you for the well thought out reply!  And happy new year to you ๐Ÿ™‚ 

 

We are good on financial planning - that was handled several years ago [again] by a laywer I trust after seeing the mess their lawyer made of things [malpractice anyone? I'm a lawyer - I was horrified] so everything is easy on that note.

 

I did find a jewish one here that seems to be that 'ccrc' you describe - I will look up Kendall.  I'm at my wits end as she just injured herself again trying to do things she shouldn't - she keeps saying she wants this or that and I find a great option [first assisted living, then completely independent senior community] and she keeps changing her mind.

 

To some extent it may be resistance, to some extent giving more credit than we CAN to my father's paranoia, she IS clearing out extra belongings bit by bit - so I am proud of that effort! But she felt the assisted living was full of old people, and sadly the rules in the ones around me about having to be able to handle this or that, or be xyz mobile, will eventually cause them to move my father to the memory care unit or to a nursing home if they don't have one.  This is her objection to that.

 

There's a nice senior condo center half a mile from my house - I thought that would work - apparently now she's uncertain about that too.

0 Kudos
2,912 Views
1
Report
AARP Expert


@ca86261368 wrote:

Jane thank you for the well thought out reply!  And happy new year to you ๐Ÿ™‚ 

 

We are good on financial planning - that was handled several years ago [again] by a laywer I trust after seeing the mess their lawyer made of things [malpractice anyone? I'm a lawyer - I was horrified] so everything is easy on that note.

 

I did find a jewish one here that seems to be that 'ccrc' you describe - I will look up Kendall.  I'm at my wits end as she just injured herself again trying to do things she shouldn't - she keeps saying she wants this or that and I find a great option [first assisted living, then completely independent senior community] and she keeps changing her mind.

 

To some extent it may be resistance, to some extent giving more credit than we CAN to my father's paranoia, she IS clearing out extra belongings bit by bit - so I am proud of that effort! But she felt the assisted living was full of old people, and sadly the rules in the ones around me about having to be able to handle this or that, or be xyz mobile, will eventually cause them to move my father to the memory care unit or to a nursing home if they don't have one.  This is her objection to that.

 

There's a nice senior condo center half a mile from my house - I thought that would work - apparently now she's uncertain about that too.


So glad you wrote again. Everyone's ideas are spot on. You might have to lay out the options and give her a gentle ultimatum. She's not going to like any of it before she gets there. And once she's in, she'll probably be deeply relieved that it's not as bad as she thought, and way better than she imagined. Just having to let others prepare meals and do the cleaning is a huge relief! 

 

I used to be a geriatric care manager and families would hire me to find the best place for someone or a couple and we'd go visiting, get the grand tours, discuss with the rest of the family, and make a decision. Then i'd line up the movers, the downsizing process meant the couple would need to decide what to sell/give away/donate. All of it is a lot of work. I hope you can get help from friends, cousins, anyone with a good back. Or hire someone. Seriously. There's an entire world of workers out there to help for hire. The "Silver Tsunami" means that every one of us baby boomers and our parents have an entire industry at the ready. Just use their money judiciously.

 

Please keep us posted if you have time. We all learn from each one's sharing. And you're becoming a fabulous expert!!!

 

all the best!

Jane

0 Kudos
2,270 Views
0
Report
cancel
Showing results forย 
Showย ย onlyย  | Search instead forย 
Did you mean:ย 
Users
Need to Know

NEW: AARP Games Tournament Tuesdays! This week, achieve a top score in Atari Centipedeยฎ and you could win $100! Learn More.

AARP Games Tournament Tuesdays

More From AARP