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Frequent Social Butterfly

Re: Any LGBT caregivers out there? Or caregivers to LGBT folks?

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Hey Ross! Sounds like the people of Pensacola FL are lucky to have you available! Best of luck!

Jane
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Re: Any LGBT caregivers out there? Or caregivers to LGBT folks?

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LOCATION PENSACOLA FL: my name is Ross: I am seeking full or part time employment as a home health care and service provider for a couple or an indivdual male,I have 10 years experience and excellent reference. service provided: house keepingn,laundry,meal prearation, shopping,doctor appointments,and all errands,for more information please call 850 607 7376     

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Re: Any LGBT caregivers out there? Or caregivers to LGBT folks?

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Hi my nane is Ross: I am independent home health care and service provider I am looking for part or full time employment for a couple or an individual male.I have 10 years experience and excellent reference.Service provided: house keeping, laundry, meal-preparation, shopping, doctor appointments,and all errands,for more informatio please call 850 607 7376          location Pensacola fl     

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Frequent Social Butterfly

Re: Any LGBT caregivers out there? Or caregivers to LGBT folks?

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Jen wrote:

Here's a new article released this month on caregiving in the LGBT community. 

Can you relate to Cindy and Helen's story? 

 


I sure can! Although I'm of a slightly younger generation (I'm 58), my partner is 70 and has MS. We cannot marry because she would lose income from a former spouse's pension (a situation straight people face as well), and so we'll need to use the Preparing to Care guide to protect her dignity, choice, legal rights, and care preferences, as well as mine!

 

Well done, AARP!

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Jen
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Re: Any LGBT caregivers out there? Or caregivers to LGBT folks?

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Here's a new article released this month on caregiving in the LGBT community. 

Can you relate to Cindy and Helen's story? 

 

AARPJen
Caregiving Concierge
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Frequent Social Butterfly

Re: Any LGBT caregivers out there? Or caregivers to LGBT folks?

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Hi Andy!  So glad you wrote and introduced yourself!

It's almost 7 in the morning here in Eastern Oregon, 59 degrees and dry, as i live in the Oregon Outback as it is called, also known as high desert. It will be in the upper 80s but always cooler in the shade. I live with my 70 year old partner out here, and she has MS, although she is very healthy, and a part time ranch hand. If you ever have an organic, grass fed free range hamburger in Portland....  I'm 58 and  have my own health problems mostly related to my diabetes. So we'll see who lives longest.

             Has your partner applied for social security disability? He is certainly eligible. His income would not be the same as yours, but it WOULD be income. 

             I am so glad you have found sobriety. Praise be to the higher power. My partner is a black belt member of alanon, having had 3 alcoholic husbands before she figured out she is gay (late bloomer!). We've been together 7 years. BTW, happy anniversary! 23 years is impressive!!

             I'm glad you keep going to your group/volunteer place which makes you happy and pays it all forward. You need that for sure.

             Have you tried enlarging your caregiving circle?  To other friends, family, members of a faith community, friends of his of long standing? Getting some sort of schedule where, say, "Ed" shows up once a month to watch old movies together so you can get 3 hours off.... I recently bought on DVD a double feature of Le Cage Aux Folles, and the remake with Robin Williams. What a hoot. I laughed again so hard i felt like i'd done sit ups. Which i need to do!

           Very glad you're here. Write more!  We who are queer caregivers salute you!

           Jane

           who isn't in the middle of nowhere but can see it from here....

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Re: Any LGBT caregivers out there? Or caregivers to LGBT folks?

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Hi! My name is Andy and I am 52 and gay and caring for my partner who is 50 years old. We have been together for 23 years (today) and I can tell you we have we seen some good times, and recently some pretty bad ones. About 10 or so years ago my partner became disabled with a rare neuroligical disease and things seem to just have become worse and piled-up sinc. He was able to recover from the disease but soon began to have additional problems, one after the other. He hadn't been working for some years before it all started and has not worked since. I have been our sole financial provider for over 15 years and have been sole caregiver since 2006.

 

We both drank heavily most of our lives and decided to get sober about 6 months apart, roughly 7 years ago. I stayed sober and he relapsed after about 5 years, about 2 years ago. His drinking finally caught up with his liver and it failed at the beginning of this year.

 

The liver failure caused a "leaky" right heart valve which caused high blood pressure in the lungs, stalling the liver transplant evaluation that was already underway. The liver doctors will not evaluate for transplant unless they know he will be "operable", and he will not be operable until the lung and heart situation are stabalized.

 

That was six months ago and my partner has been home for the last 4 months and is on several medications to keep his liver functioning and his system compensating, while the doctors try to bring down the pressure in the lungs. We entered my partner into a medical trial for additional medicine for the lung problem in hopes of getting better care and that it may heal the problem quicker.

 

It has been a rough time caring for and watching someone who is gradually becoming less able to care for themselves despite all my best efforts. It is exhausting and frustrating and sometimes downright depressing.

 

I have a full-time job as a technical professional and I also spend a good portion of my free time giving back to the communiity that has freely given me my sobriety. I am thankful that the powers that be decided it was just the right time for me to be a sober friend to my partner. I am grateful for the higher-power that I found on my journey and for the fellowship and support that comes along with it.

 

Nevertheless, the feelings of inadequacy, guilt, anger, fear and uncertainty remain! I am putting all my efforts into caring for my partner and none into caring for my physical and mental health. I put the rest of my efforts into my job and volunteer work, which leaves little time for myself. I could cut back on the volunteer time but that is often the only bright part of my day. I am saying all this not to garner sympathy but just as a way to introduce myself and my situation, and state of mind. I am willing to take all advice and also willing to share my experience, strength and hope with whomever will listen.

 

Thanks for listening and I look forward to talking to you all!

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Re: Any LGBT caregivers out there? Or caregivers to LGBT folks?

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Jane,

 

Are you in Eastern Oregon?   Most of the towns in Eastern WA are exactly how you described your town. I don’t know that I could live in rural areas anymore despite growing up that way.  Small town in western WA and my father was a logger.  Mixed political family, mother was a liberal, my dad and brother red-neck conservatives.  My dad and brother just learned not to say much because my mother and I were much more vocal.

 

Yes,  the UW profession is very inspirational; she’s a great speaker and has done some amazing work. .

 

Pat (aka Patricia McIntyre)

I’ll send you a friend request on FB, I will be the person with a picture of a calico cat.  I would certainly like to keep up some of our conversations.

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Re: Any LGBT caregivers out there? Or caregivers to LGBT folks?

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PatriciaM2 wrote:

Hi Jane,

 

Thank you for the warm welcome.  Yes, of course I am "family."  Card carring lesbian.  LOL

 

A bit about me...yes, I have shared caregiving for my mother, dad and aunt all who have been gone now for many years now.  Besides learning a lot from being the part-time caregiver, full time employed it was the impetus to return to school and get my masters in human services - gerontology. Of course the area that I concentrated on was LGBT aging.   One of the questions I had to ask myself at the time was “ my Dad, brother and I take care of mother, but who will take care of those in our own LGBT community who don’t always have those resources as we age?”   I didn’t have a good answer.  At the time of my studies, there was little research done on aging LGBT, but you are absolutely correct, there has been more work toward understanding caregivers and LGBT older adults. 

 

A University of Washington professor is known both nationally and internationally for her research and studies of aging LGBT adults and has done a lot for changes in the field.   I consider myself fortunate to be able to call her both a friend and sit on the board of directors with her on a non-profit. . I also founded a  small non-profit 30 miles south of Seattle where we provide cultural competency trainings to professionals who serve the aging population as well as throw events for LGBT older adults in an effort to fight isolation. I also sit on our state council on aging and triple A.   LOL this is what retirement looks like. 

 

Pat


I think I've met that UW professor. She is an inspiration, and she's an ally. Thank god/ess for academicians like her.

Sounds like your retirement is very full!

You're aware of this then: http://www.lgbtagingcenter.org/resources/resource.cfm?r=865

 

I moved to a county with 7500 souls in it (the size of Connecticut), and although it is in Oregon, its politics is more like Idaho or Wyoming. As far as i can count, there are 10 out people here. And in my 8 months as a practicing therapist, i've met and worked with 2 transmen, one intersex client, and a lesbian teenager. Amazing. My partner and i live in a very small town, "250 people when they're all home" as she puts it. Although all 3 churches in town are very conservative, and many of its people are, too, i've ingratiated myself in several ways, like joining the volunteer group, and mentioning on facebook when i'm heading to town to see if anyone needs a rotisserie chicken or a prescription at the one pharmacy in the entire county. I may be a lesbian, but i'm a thoughtful lesbian.

 

Glad to meet you!

Jane (on facebook as Jane Lincoln)

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Re: Any LGBT caregivers out there? Or caregivers to LGBT folks?

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Hi Jane,

 

Thank you for the warm welcome.  Yes, of course I am "family."  Card carring lesbian.  LOL

 

A bit about me...yes, I have shared caregiving for my mother, dad and aunt all who have been gone now for many years now.  Besides learning a lot from being the part-time caregiver, full time employed it was the impetus to return to school and get my masters in human services - gerontology. Of course the area that I concentrated on was LGBT aging.   One of the questions I had to ask myself at the time was “ my Dad, brother and I take care of mother, but who will take care of those in our own LGBT community who don’t always have those resources as we age?”   I didn’t have a good answer.  At the time of my studies, there was little research done on aging LGBT, but you are absolutely correct, there has been more work toward understanding caregivers and LGBT older adults. 

 

A University of Washington professor is known both nationally and internationally for her research and studies of aging LGBT adults and has done a lot for changes in the field.   I consider myself fortunate to be able to call her both a friend and sit on the board of directors with her on a non-profit. . I also founded a  small non-profit 30 miles south of Seattle where we provide cultural competency trainings to professionals who serve the aging population as well as throw events for LGBT older adults in an effort to fight isolation. I also sit on our state council on aging and triple A.   LOL this is what retirement looks like. 

 

Pat

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